Closing out another year.

Happy Holidays, I hope that your holidays are filled with joy and laughter, good tidings, friends and family not to mention good food. I spent Christmas at home this year and I must say " it was nice." I received a few gifts from close friends and family and most importantly the gift of friendship from you. I even prepared my own meal this year, yeah I know my way around the kitchen; I didn't want to the traditional meal that would have been to much, especially since it was only going to be me and maybe a friend or two, no Kewon didn't come for Christmas. i prepared a few capones, mac & cheese, yams, green beans, ham and rolls. oh yeah Strawberry Cheesecake (I bought it prepared.

I got my shopping done in record time, two days before Christmas. I shipped everything next day and it never fails Debbie never gets her gift on time, I don't know what it is about the mail in Atlanta. I must admit I truly enjoyed the mall this year, I saw so many phine brothas that I would have loved to place under my tree or on to of it, but being that I figured I'd been nice thus far there was no reason to become naughty.

2009 has brought many changes for me and I have been dealing with a little grief about some of the things in my life I felt needed to be changed, I found new friends and lost old ones, I guess you could say the new word for the year was "unfriend." I had to cut a few friends from my life, they just haven't been worth the trouble of keeping as friends, even with our long history. To make matters worst I have decided to add another old friend on the list, he has proven to be a thorn in my side, I have known him since college on and off, but the brotha is not right. I sent him a Christmas card and he didn't have the decency to send me one, and at that point I knew I wanted no further parts of him. now don't get me wrong I did not unfriend him because of the Xmas card, many people don't send cards that isn't a problem at all, it is just that he didn't even call to say " Happy Holidays," he only wants to talk and be bothered when his shyte isn't right, or to bring gloom to someone Else's life, so the card made it easy for me to unfriend his black arse.

Haven't decided what or where I may go on New Year's Eve, but I would like to party and maybe even take someone home with me, you know what that would mean... "I would have them all year long." Yeah right! Have a great remainder of the holiday season and a wonderful New Year!

St.Louis isn't for Lovers

Heres hoping that everyone enjoyed Thanksgiving. I took the time off to visit with family in St. Louis, I really had a good time, I enjoyed great food and lots of drinking. No family gatherings is without drama, and my family is no exception. During the six days I spent with family much transpired, more than I bargined for, but I survived.

I won't go into deep details, but there was a couple of family members that decided that their uncle (me) needed a date so they arranged for me to meet one of their friends, now keep in mind I have not discussed my sexual orientation with the young folks although they have an idea and may even know, but they have no clue what I like, but they recall my aunt Essie talking about Kewon so they decided to put two and two together.

I agreed to go out to a STR8 bar with them although it was against my better judgement, but went anyway. I enjoyed the crowd, music and food (yes there was food at the bar). I guess we had been there for appromiately an hour when my blind date arrived. The brotha was about six three, dark and good looking,but older than I had expected and he has a lover whom was in attendance so things went crazy.

After that night's fiasco, I decided no more hookups, so I ventured out on my own to a gay bar, it just wasn't for me to meet anyone, but of course I found the worst of the worst. I met a brotha that was handsome and appeared to be nice, but boi was I wrong, he was a drunk, got naked and had no place to go after the club closed so I was stuck with him, I had to find him accommodations for the night, so I took him to my folks house and he was good until we got in the bed to go to sleep, he wanted to fuck and I wasn't with that right then besides I didn't even know him, but took a chance being that my nephew is a cop and was in the next room.

The brotha cussed me out then demanded some dick, so I allowed him to give me some head then he wants more, by this time everybody is awaken, but I make quick excuses and they go back to bed, we finish and he falls asleep, the following morning he apologized after I told him about his actions. He has been calling me but I can't bring myself to accept his calls. My niece knows him and says that he is a good dude he just starting drinking and can't handle it. Damn! Oh yeah he gives good head.

I Need to Start Over!

I have been missing in action for past few weeks, and for no good reason. The past few weeks have been the pits, it truly sucks to be sometimes. In the past few weeks I have made some very serious decisions about my life. I have diligently tried to be a good friend and good family member, but as Rodney Dangerfield would say "I get no respect." I try very hard to be a good friend to those I befriend, but some people make it hard to maintain certain friendships. I made the decision to terminate three friendships recently. It saddens me to have walked away from those friendships, but one of them was toxic very toxic and it was beginning to trickle down on the other two people. I generally don't give up so easily, but this time I weighed the options and it just isn't worth the effort to maintain these toxic friendships. Well I can't cry today maybe tomorrow.

On a happier note; I'm busy with school, it's quite challenging and rewarding. I've gone on a couple of dates over the past couple of weeks and it is apparent folks don't believe in romance anymore; it is just sex and party. I folded, and I'm learning to accept the fact that "I'm going to remain single for the remainder of my life." One brotha, I dated was so nice, but he was a whore in a major way. The other brotha, I dated was not only short of the stick, but personality as well. That's it "I'm ghost on the dating scene."

The weather in the Midwest has been absolutely wonderful, allowing me the opportunity to get another glance at the brothas in shorts and sandals. Yes it has been seventy degrees the past few days, this is unusual this time of year, especially in Wisconsin. Has anybody been keeping up with The Amazing Race? I'm loving Flight Time and Big Easy, hope they win. Oh by the way the photo of the brotha with the tear in his eye isn't me, just thought it was the perfect pix for the post.

Long Road Ahead

The Fall is swifting approaching here in the Midwest and I'm not at all prepared. It has been so cold here the past few nights that I have refrained from going out at night unless I had no other choice with the exception of the night Michael, Austin and I went to the show on discount nite, we went to see District Nine, yeah it has been out for a minute but we hadn't seen it so we decided to take in the movie. It was certainly entertaining.

I wish that I was writing about a new love or at least a love interest but to no avail. I can't seem to find a partner no matter where I search and I made a bet with friends that by Halloween I would have a partner, yeah right probably Freddie Kruger himself. I was talking to one brotha but damn these brothas have so much damn baggage with them. I suppose I will be spending the winter alone including the holidays.

The past couple of weeks have been one hellava ride, first it was school I couldn't seem to please my professor with my assignments then I discovered that my hours at work are being reduced (furlough) and lately I have been a bar fly. Nothing is working as I planned or anticipated. I told you guys about my stalker (Jerome) he went to far this past Monday, I met up with Michael at the bar for the after work set and to my surprise that damn Jerome was in the bar loud and over zealous. I was trying to be cordial, but he immediately started the freaky shyte and I wasn't with that at the moment anyway, but he continued to rub up against me and kept trying to kiss me all while reeking of some strong arse alcohol.

I kept my cool and enjoyed the conversations being brought my way while Jerome headed for the STR8 bar next door, I was so pleased that he had left, but of course he returned and drunker than before he even had the nerve to run the people I was talking with away. Michael and I had decided it was time to depart, but before we could Jerome was fighting some white man then Michael got into with some white queen in the bar by this time I'm done, but of course I had to break the shyte up. Michael went to chat with the owner while I had a much needed beer. Jerome was permitted to come back in and he was really on me, but I explained to him that I wasn't into him; why did I say that he went off!!! Then he apologized and even asked me to lend him twenty dollars, I gave him fifteen and left.

I get to my apartment building Michael pulls off I go through the lobby to get the elevator and wham Jerome is waiting for me talking about he is going to make me feel good by sucking my dick and letting me fuck him. Seriously I was tempted, but also leery apparently he purchased weed with the fifteen dollars and was horny. He grabbed my dick stared kissing me. The elevator door shut and I pushed the button for my floor and several other floors so that I could make my get-a-way and yes I got off on the fourth floor and hit the stairs I walked up the rest of the way and he didn't have a clue where I went because I pushed his asre to the back of the elevator before running off, yeah it wasn't a cool thing to do, but he is not the answer. No more going out until I regroup.

Closing of Summer

The past couple of weeks much has transpired. In the past I have mentioned that Madison doesn't offer much for the African American Gay Male and that the African American Gay Community is lacking, well I am finding that they are here, but residing in their very personal cliques and closets. The past two weeks I have had the opportunity to meet a few, we all have a story to tell why we are here in Madison or what brought us to this city; for most of us it' our careers, education or family, as you know I came here with the intentions of gainful employment which had been good for me the past few years, but my social life and family life suffered as a result.

Last weekend I joined Michael and another guy on their Saturday bar stomp, we hit the bars and drank and to my surprise there were other Black gay men in attendance I think it was primarily due to the fact that the new and returning students were back in town for school and decided to check out the bars. Later that nite we hit the newest club a club that promises big city style partying and music and they didn't disappoint, the music was good the crowd was great and the staff was off the chain. There were male and female dancers bringing flava to the club.

Okay remember when I wished there were more Black/African American gay men here in Madison? All I can say is be careful what you wish for you might just get it I got more than I bargined for: I was introduced to some of the wildest gay men, horny and drunk. Now you know I love to flirt and be flirted with, but I could have done without all the drama this one brotha brought me, he followed me home and to my surprise he resides a block from my house and stated he was just awaiting the opportunity to get up with me, he stated that he knew that I was in the life, but I appeared to be stand offish, so when he saw me come into the club he knew it was on and that he wasn't sleeping alone that night. No I did not give in, I simply suggested that we exchange phone numbers and go from there, but my dick was hard and I was ready to fuck something, but instead pleasured myself. He is now stalking a brotha.

Jeff and Greg did Atlanta for the Labor Day weekend and had a blast, they didn't run into Kewon but no doubt he was running with his bois from North Carolina. I am pleased I stayed home being that the crowd is getting younger and younger every year, I have to accept the fact it is their turn. Well it is back to school and work.

A Decent Weekend

What is with the customer service? I have been experiencing a few problems with being extended good customer service here at some of the local establishments like my local grocery store and businesses. This past weekend I decided to stop in the local market to purchase a few food items and such, upon approaching the check-out lane and paying for my items I patiently awaited the clerk to pack my items or at the very least inquire if I wanted paper or plastic instead she handed me my receipt and change then stated to assist the next customer in line. It was the other customer that inquired if she planned to bag my items since this wasn't a small purchase or a bag your items self serve, the clerk then turned to me and ask "do you want a bag?" I started to reply "No bitch I will carry all fifteen items in my hand and walk back to my apartment." I kept my cool.
It took everything in me not to read her arse, but instead I politely requested paper, she threw the items in the bag with attitude, I felt my last nerve being worked so I took the items out the bag and requested she repack them properly, she frowned and so did I, upon completion I requested she summon a manager so that I could register my complaint, he was no more than a kid himself and didn't have a clue how to treat a customer so I have forwarded a letter to the corporate office.

I did have a good weekend, it started out by hanging with the new group of gay men I met recently, they were very nice and the conversation was great, we laughed about all the shyte that takes place in this one horse town, later three of us decided to hit the bars (the college town, white bars), and it was nice, the music well not exactly my type of music, but yet okay. I drank to much and knew I had my limit when certain men started to look good, but I managed to go home alone not that I would have taken anyone home or followed anyone home at least not on the first night, then again if that tall dark brother with the attitude (str8) would have given up any energy I would taken him home, but he was chasing the women. Over all I had a good weekend.

Not a Hellva Summer

I really don't know what to make of this summer it has been really strange. I really need to take the next couple of weeks and get-a-way from Mad-Town; perhaps I will go visit with family although most of my nephews, nieces,great nieces and nephews have returned either back to college or school. It would be nice to visit with my sister's and their families even with the kids away at school, we have all had a rough summer after that Burr Oak situation. Many friends have called to console me during these rough and uncertain times in fact it is like those family members buried or were buried at Burr Oak have died all over again.

My buddy Jeffrey has really proven to be a good friend he has been with me every step of the way even making the trips to Chicago with me to on the family burial plots and grave sites. he even has a family member or two in that cemetery. he's a strong brotha and a good friend.

Kewon is excited about returning back to work, it is hard to imagine this is his second year teaching, he seems to like his career very much. he invited me to join him in Atlanta for the Labor Day Weekend... Good Luck! No I will not be tagging behind his young arse I have excepted the fact that I need to catch up with my own crowd (older clique).

It is truly hectic here in Mad-Town the students are moving out and new ones moving in, yes this year I hope to see plenty men of color on campus especially since I will not only be working on campus, but also attending classes of my own. I have noticed that many men and women my age (no I am not that old) returning back to school be it graduate work or post graduate. It is a forever changing world.

Hell on Earth

The past few weeks have been chaotic to say the least. I don't even know where to start, but I will start with the devastating news I received a couple of weeks ago shortly after the Fourth of July weekend; well it all started with a telephone call from a good friend in Chicago his name is George aka Billie Holiday (long story), well George inquiries if I have any family buried at the Burr Oak Cemetery in Alsip, Il right outside of Chicago? I stated "yes I have family buried there." Then he went on to say they have been robbing graves at the cemetery. I said "what the fuck?" Yes burial plots are being resold and the remains of the previous were throw in mass graves while workers profit from the resale of such plot. I damn near fainted, but was strong enough to get the necessary information and prepare for my trip to Chicago.

True enough more than three hundred plots had been resold and remains tossed into various mass graves within the cemetery. I immediately made the trip home to see what the hell was going on in that place, I arrived in Chicago made my way to the cemetery only to find hundreds of other people there diligently searching for grave markers, burial plots anything that would identify their love one's final resting place, but to mo avail for many. The cemetery records were in shambles grave marker/headstones missing and very few answers for many of us. What a nightmare!

I have been back to Chicago a number of times and have yet to find out if my family members graves have been disturbed, it is like those family members dying all over again, I have sought therapy to help me through this and thus far I am doing better and have since made peace with the people that are responsible for this horrible act it is obvious they are morally dead themselves. Earth has no sorrow that Heaven can not heal.



Moving on, I have had some good times in between all the madness,I finally made contact with five incredible African American gay men that are part of the community here in Mad-Town. they all appear to be very intelligent, friendly and open gay men. We plan to get together again soon and maybe hang out or have brunch at my apartment one weekend. No none of them are interested in me, but it would be nice being that I am attracted to one or two of them. Kewon has been a real gem, and Jeffrey always has a brotha's back, it was comforting to know someone cares. My friends have been real supportive these past few weeks I am truly blessed to have Jeffrey, Kewon, Ariel and George in my life.

Hit the road

The past few weeks have been grueling, but nonetheless; rewarding. Finally the holiday (4Th of July) weekend is upon us and hopefully I can unwind and enjoy the weekend. I have not received one invitation to any bar-b-ques or gathering, but that's Madison for you. Jeffrey did invite me to join him in Chicago for Black Pride and Taste of Chicago, but I doubt if I attend either event, but then again I may leave out of here later today and do Chicago.

Kewon left earlier today for Chicago, he also invited me to tag along, yeah tag along being that he has some boyfriend with him, it's all good now that I am truly over his arse. I could really use this as a chance to spend time reading, writing and studying, but I feel the need to get my row out, yeah fuck something other than my hand and no doubt the sex will be jumping off in Chi-Town.

I will keep you posted if I go to Chi-Town, I know the clubs will be festive, not to mention Jackson Park, Hubbard Street and North Halsted Street. Okay maybe I will pack the LV and head that way unless of course the brotha I met a few days ago wants to hang out at my place then I will entertain at home this weekend. Have a great holiday weekend.

Happy Midwest Pride

Happy Pride Month! I always become excited every year about this time as far back as I can remember, but the last couple of years haven't been at all what I'd expected in fact the Pride festivities were not what they had been in years past, the participation is low, some cities without any special events. Last year was the worst especially in Madison, but as I mentioned before the monies were misapproiated and the parties and parade lacked excitement. This year a special fund is being allotted, but no one is excited or concerned.

Milwaukee celebrates this weekend, Brandy performed tonight, Deborah Cox performs tomorrow at least this year Black performers are scheduled each night, along with a host of white entertainers Cyndi Lauper(yesterday) etc. I haven't seen any of the Black gay men from Madison here although I am certain some of them are here then again probably not, I am only here because of: Outreach work. No one seems to know when Chicago will celebrate or where in Chicago The Black Gay Pride celebrations will take place however; the Chicago Gay prade celebrations starts next week and the parade will be on 6/28/2009 it is usually festive for both communities during Pride week, so I may visit Chicago next week. Usually I skip this event to attend Black gay Pride the following week, but since there is so little information available I can't make plans to attend although Club Escape Chicago would be nice to visit anytime.

It's my Anniversary

What's good Bloggers? I stepped off for a minute being that so much had transpired in my life recently that I hadn't had much of a opportunity or desire to blog during that time however; I have been reading your blogs. Curious has been travelling the globe, Fuzzy moved into his own place, Norris declares the single life might be for him (but we know better), X went MIA, Deewan is enjoying life, D Place continues to discover and to share his experience and view points with us, N2itall keeps us entertained with the videos, Troy and Hoodsworld provide us with our daily dose of: Eye Candy, not to mention all the other bloggers that allow us to explore their political views, relationships and by all means the Gaytekeeper keeping us on our toes.

It has been three years since I starte blogging, yes it's my third year anniversary. it all started during the summer of 2006, but since then I have been able to get to know some very incredible people and share a little of my daily life with these people, it has been truly like having a host of good friends. Thank you for the journey thus far it has been great and I look forward to another year blogging and getting to know each of you better.

Through the Years:

I have changed jobs or taken on additional employment
Found and lost love
Moved almost every year from one apartment to another
Lost friends and members of the Gay Community
Watched my 401K go straight to hell

What you didn't know about me:
I have a daily ritual which includes masturbation
I have necessary escapes; I travel to nearby cities every other weekend just because.
What I look for in a partner; tall men (after all I am 6'1),big feet (I have a foot fetish),pubic hair turns me on (another fetish), I am a hopeless romantic), I am impressed by men that can make me laugh, I am diligently looking for a partner.

I am known for: Loving to hard, and my forgiving and caring heart.
People love me for: my inspiration, big heart and forgiving nature.
I live for weekend get-a-ways and strong friendships.
I can not get enough of: strippers, I love the strippers.

Thank you for the memories, I look forward to yet another wonderful year of blogging.

The Single Path to Happiness

What's good? I was sitting here in my living room chillin during the storm, the rain smells so good, and reminds me of my childhood, I used to love to play in the rain and when I became an adult I found myself enjoy walking in the rain especially with the significant other(Derrick) at the time, we would walk home from the neighborhood bar & grill just enjoying the down pour of the rain and our love for each other, those were the days.

The past couple of weeks have been good thus far, I only work part-time, which gives me the opportunity to do a few things I hadn't much of an opportunity to do when my schedule was full time. In the past two weeks I have had the opportunity to see the students perform Mac Beth, it was quite the experience. Sunday afternoon I attended The Madison Symphony Orchestra and I had almost forgotten how jubilant the sound produced by the orchestra sounds. I have taken myself to dinner at eateries other than fast food restaurants, shopped or mostly window shopped, but nevertheless spending time doing what I enjoy.

Jeffrey and I have been hanging out and chasing the few phine brothas roaming the campus, I have yet to come up with a winner, most have no interest being that it is finals and they are all excited about the new prospects that awaits them after graduation, besides Jeff and I are to old to be chasing them in the first damn place, Jeff is actually dating someone, but he needs validation from time to time. I have accepted the fact that I will probably be single for quite sometime, then again I have been getting some play from a couple of different dudes so there may be a chance after all, in fact one brotha is slightly older than myself, and very easy to talk with, he has history, but don't we all.

What a Differance a Day Makes

What's good my fellow bloggers? Yeah this brotha has been absent for a minute, but I am back and I will update in a more timely manner fo sho. As I mentioned in an earlier blog many changes have transpired in my Life this includes career, friendships, housing and even my love life (if it can be called that). As you know I was placed on administrative leave with pay, that lasted all of six weeks before I was terminated, yes they kicked my arse to the curb, but for no good reason. I immediately withdrew the equivalent to six months salary to tide me over until something else comes along. I did find work shortly thereafter, but on a part-time basis. I may be only working and earning a fraction of what I used to earn, but at least the work is rewarding and could turn into a full-time position with the State Agency. I am content at this time being that part-time work allows me the opportunity to freelance, and work on another degree not to mention work on me as a whole.

I had prepared to relocate if the opportunity and employment presented itself, but Madison will remain my home for at least another year, I found a Downtown apartment, no more lease to own luxury condo, but a standard high rise apartment overlooking the city, but no lake view. Kewon has been very understanding and supportive during this transition, we are not fucking, but instead we are learning to be friends. Now on the other hand the Ex is back (not Kewon), but Mister. We had dealt for a few years, but he loved his drugs and alcohol more than he loved himself, he has been clean for years although I don't feel he is totally clean he reeked of blunt when he came to visit me recently, he is now a much better person and his company was greatly appreciated, we talked, did the damn thang and spent time getting to know each other again, but I truly believe that the past is the past and eventually you must let it go.

A couple of weeks ago I went to see Kalup Linzy and I was quite impressed, the show was good. Easter Brunch was very nice the Edgewater Hotel host the most elite crowd and the food was excellent. Mayhem Poets was a great performance very entertaining they nearly packed out the house at Overture.Three handsome, educated and talented young men. Okay let me close here so that I can read some of your blog entries.

Holla at ya in a minute

What's Good? I have been so busy lately with all that has transpired in my life that I haven't had a chance to update my blog however; I will post soon, the post will reflect most everything including my visit from the ex which was really interesting, no it was not Ke. I have been checking your blogs out and it appears we all have man trouble. This Spring let's beat the odds and find the perfect mate.

Rhythm of Life

How is it possible that at one moment everything in your world is perfect then all of a sudden nothing appears to be right? Change doesn't always come easy in fact it doesn't come easy at all, but I am a firm believer that no more than we can bear will be placed upon us. I have had the worst couple of months a man could imagine, but still I push on and try not to look back, because looking back one might go back.

I was placed on administrative leave (with pay) more than two weeks ago and this is not exactly a good feeling and I am beginning to think that I may be forced out once I do return, and there is no doubt I will be reassigned and that is fine with me I could use the change besides I have no interest working in the same department or with the personnel from my old division especially with my boss, he and I do not get along at all never had he has held a grudge against me from day one when he took my former boss's job, as you may remember my former boss and I were friends, he got caught up in that firing and hiring bullshit nearly a year ago, now it is round two!

I have been busy packing up the condo, good thing it was lease with option to buy otherwise a brotha would be stuck with it! The property market is not exactly blooming. I have decided to move into an apartment being that the memories in this place are to much to deal with on a daily basis, not to mention I am not very fond of: Madison and if it wasn't for my job I would have been gone. Of course a brotha has been searching for something different, remember about a year or so ago I spoke about returning to the classroom as a student not a teacher this may very well be the perfect opportunity.

I spoke with both Jeff and Ke about my situation and both are very supportive, in fact Ke cried over the phone two nights in a row (I was thinking to myself that he was crying simply because he can't get money from me to pay his bills anymore if I am not working) he was relived when I told him I still get my paycheck. I could feel him smile from cheek to cheek. He hasn't ask for much in the past month he has been doing okay on his first year teachers salary.

Jeff finally slowed down and for good reason he keeps finding the worst men this town has to offer, I have tried to explain to him that it just isn't enough gay black men here and that he needs to continue going to Chicago or Milwaukee for trade, this town has some good looking men, but their minds are not right. There isn't even a Black gay bar here and the white children to not appreciate the Black children venturing into the white bars, Milwaukee has a few all Black and you know Chicago has everything a brotha is looking for, in fact I am willing to go over with him this weekend and spend the night that way he can have trade at the hotel (his room of course) why I head to the Southside to catch a Strip Show (STR8)!

Just Checkin on Ya

What's Good? Hope that all is well with yu guys, I am not in the bestt of spirits right about now however; I will be entering a post very soon.The shyte has hit the fan at work and I have taken a leave of absence. Holla at ya later gotta do some catching up, I have been trying to keep current with your blogs and maybe this week with me being on an unauthorized vacation I can get some reading done, holl at ya later.