I Need to Start Over!

I have been missing in action for past few weeks, and for no good reason. The past few weeks have been the pits, it truly sucks to be sometimes. In the past few weeks I have made some very serious decisions about my life. I have diligently tried to be a good friend and good family member, but as Rodney Dangerfield would say "I get no respect." I try very hard to be a good friend to those I befriend, but some people make it hard to maintain certain friendships. I made the decision to terminate three friendships recently. It saddens me to have walked away from those friendships, but one of them was toxic very toxic and it was beginning to trickle down on the other two people. I generally don't give up so easily, but this time I weighed the options and it just isn't worth the effort to maintain these toxic friendships. Well I can't cry today maybe tomorrow.

On a happier note; I'm busy with school, it's quite challenging and rewarding. I've gone on a couple of dates over the past couple of weeks and it is apparent folks don't believe in romance anymore; it is just sex and party. I folded, and I'm learning to accept the fact that "I'm going to remain single for the remainder of my life." One brotha, I dated was so nice, but he was a whore in a major way. The other brotha, I dated was not only short of the stick, but personality as well. That's it "I'm ghost on the dating scene."

The weather in the Midwest has been absolutely wonderful, allowing me the opportunity to get another glance at the brothas in shorts and sandals. Yes it has been seventy degrees the past few days, this is unusual this time of year, especially in Wisconsin. Has anybody been keeping up with The Amazing Race? I'm loving Flight Time and Big Easy, hope they win. Oh by the way the photo of the brotha with the tear in his eye isn't me, just thought it was the perfect pix for the post.

Long Road Ahead

The Fall is swifting approaching here in the Midwest and I'm not at all prepared. It has been so cold here the past few nights that I have refrained from going out at night unless I had no other choice with the exception of the night Michael, Austin and I went to the show on discount nite, we went to see District Nine, yeah it has been out for a minute but we hadn't seen it so we decided to take in the movie. It was certainly entertaining.

I wish that I was writing about a new love or at least a love interest but to no avail. I can't seem to find a partner no matter where I search and I made a bet with friends that by Halloween I would have a partner, yeah right probably Freddie Kruger himself. I was talking to one brotha but damn these brothas have so much damn baggage with them. I suppose I will be spending the winter alone including the holidays.

The past couple of weeks have been one hellava ride, first it was school I couldn't seem to please my professor with my assignments then I discovered that my hours at work are being reduced (furlough) and lately I have been a bar fly. Nothing is working as I planned or anticipated. I told you guys about my stalker (Jerome) he went to far this past Monday, I met up with Michael at the bar for the after work set and to my surprise that damn Jerome was in the bar loud and over zealous. I was trying to be cordial, but he immediately started the freaky shyte and I wasn't with that at the moment anyway, but he continued to rub up against me and kept trying to kiss me all while reeking of some strong arse alcohol.

I kept my cool and enjoyed the conversations being brought my way while Jerome headed for the STR8 bar next door, I was so pleased that he had left, but of course he returned and drunker than before he even had the nerve to run the people I was talking with away. Michael and I had decided it was time to depart, but before we could Jerome was fighting some white man then Michael got into with some white queen in the bar by this time I'm done, but of course I had to break the shyte up. Michael went to chat with the owner while I had a much needed beer. Jerome was permitted to come back in and he was really on me, but I explained to him that I wasn't into him; why did I say that he went off!!! Then he apologized and even asked me to lend him twenty dollars, I gave him fifteen and left.

I get to my apartment building Michael pulls off I go through the lobby to get the elevator and wham Jerome is waiting for me talking about he is going to make me feel good by sucking my dick and letting me fuck him. Seriously I was tempted, but also leery apparently he purchased weed with the fifteen dollars and was horny. He grabbed my dick stared kissing me. The elevator door shut and I pushed the button for my floor and several other floors so that I could make my get-a-way and yes I got off on the fourth floor and hit the stairs I walked up the rest of the way and he didn't have a clue where I went because I pushed his asre to the back of the elevator before running off, yeah it wasn't a cool thing to do, but he is not the answer. No more going out until I regroup.

Closing of Summer

The past couple of weeks much has transpired. In the past I have mentioned that Madison doesn't offer much for the African American Gay Male and that the African American Gay Community is lacking, well I am finding that they are here, but residing in their very personal cliques and closets. The past two weeks I have had the opportunity to meet a few, we all have a story to tell why we are here in Madison or what brought us to this city; for most of us it' our careers, education or family, as you know I came here with the intentions of gainful employment which had been good for me the past few years, but my social life and family life suffered as a result.

Last weekend I joined Michael and another guy on their Saturday bar stomp, we hit the bars and drank and to my surprise there were other Black gay men in attendance I think it was primarily due to the fact that the new and returning students were back in town for school and decided to check out the bars. Later that nite we hit the newest club a club that promises big city style partying and music and they didn't disappoint, the music was good the crowd was great and the staff was off the chain. There were male and female dancers bringing flava to the club.

Okay remember when I wished there were more Black/African American gay men here in Madison? All I can say is be careful what you wish for you might just get it I got more than I bargined for: I was introduced to some of the wildest gay men, horny and drunk. Now you know I love to flirt and be flirted with, but I could have done without all the drama this one brotha brought me, he followed me home and to my surprise he resides a block from my house and stated he was just awaiting the opportunity to get up with me, he stated that he knew that I was in the life, but I appeared to be stand offish, so when he saw me come into the club he knew it was on and that he wasn't sleeping alone that night. No I did not give in, I simply suggested that we exchange phone numbers and go from there, but my dick was hard and I was ready to fuck something, but instead pleasured myself. He is now stalking a brotha.

Jeff and Greg did Atlanta for the Labor Day weekend and had a blast, they didn't run into Kewon but no doubt he was running with his bois from North Carolina. I am pleased I stayed home being that the crowd is getting younger and younger every year, I have to accept the fact it is their turn. Well it is back to school and work.

A Decent Weekend

What is with the customer service? I have been experiencing a few problems with being extended good customer service here at some of the local establishments like my local grocery store and businesses. This past weekend I decided to stop in the local market to purchase a few food items and such, upon approaching the check-out lane and paying for my items I patiently awaited the clerk to pack my items or at the very least inquire if I wanted paper or plastic instead she handed me my receipt and change then stated to assist the next customer in line. It was the other customer that inquired if she planned to bag my items since this wasn't a small purchase or a bag your items self serve, the clerk then turned to me and ask "do you want a bag?" I started to reply "No bitch I will carry all fifteen items in my hand and walk back to my apartment." I kept my cool.
It took everything in me not to read her arse, but instead I politely requested paper, she threw the items in the bag with attitude, I felt my last nerve being worked so I took the items out the bag and requested she repack them properly, she frowned and so did I, upon completion I requested she summon a manager so that I could register my complaint, he was no more than a kid himself and didn't have a clue how to treat a customer so I have forwarded a letter to the corporate office.

I did have a good weekend, it started out by hanging with the new group of gay men I met recently, they were very nice and the conversation was great, we laughed about all the shyte that takes place in this one horse town, later three of us decided to hit the bars (the college town, white bars), and it was nice, the music well not exactly my type of music, but yet okay. I drank to much and knew I had my limit when certain men started to look good, but I managed to go home alone not that I would have taken anyone home or followed anyone home at least not on the first night, then again if that tall dark brother with the attitude (str8) would have given up any energy I would taken him home, but he was chasing the women. Over all I had a good weekend.

Not a Hellva Summer

I really don't know what to make of this summer it has been really strange. I really need to take the next couple of weeks and get-a-way from Mad-Town; perhaps I will go visit with family although most of my nephews, nieces,great nieces and nephews have returned either back to college or school. It would be nice to visit with my sister's and their families even with the kids away at school, we have all had a rough summer after that Burr Oak situation. Many friends have called to console me during these rough and uncertain times in fact it is like those family members buried or were buried at Burr Oak have died all over again.

My buddy Jeffrey has really proven to be a good friend he has been with me every step of the way even making the trips to Chicago with me to on the family burial plots and grave sites. he even has a family member or two in that cemetery. he's a strong brotha and a good friend.

Kewon is excited about returning back to work, it is hard to imagine this is his second year teaching, he seems to like his career very much. he invited me to join him in Atlanta for the Labor Day Weekend... Good Luck! No I will not be tagging behind his young arse I have excepted the fact that I need to catch up with my own crowd (older clique).

It is truly hectic here in Mad-Town the students are moving out and new ones moving in, yes this year I hope to see plenty men of color on campus especially since I will not only be working on campus, but also attending classes of my own. I have noticed that many men and women my age (no I am not that old) returning back to school be it graduate work or post graduate. It is a forever changing world.

Hell on Earth

The past few weeks have been chaotic to say the least. I don't even know where to start, but I will start with the devastating news I received a couple of weeks ago shortly after the Fourth of July weekend; well it all started with a telephone call from a good friend in Chicago his name is George aka Billie Holiday (long story), well George inquiries if I have any family buried at the Burr Oak Cemetery in Alsip, Il right outside of Chicago? I stated "yes I have family buried there." Then he went on to say they have been robbing graves at the cemetery. I said "what the fuck?" Yes burial plots are being resold and the remains of the previous were throw in mass graves while workers profit from the resale of such plot. I damn near fainted, but was strong enough to get the necessary information and prepare for my trip to Chicago.

True enough more than three hundred plots had been resold and remains tossed into various mass graves within the cemetery. I immediately made the trip home to see what the hell was going on in that place, I arrived in Chicago made my way to the cemetery only to find hundreds of other people there diligently searching for grave markers, burial plots anything that would identify their love one's final resting place, but to mo avail for many. The cemetery records were in shambles grave marker/headstones missing and very few answers for many of us. What a nightmare!

I have been back to Chicago a number of times and have yet to find out if my family members graves have been disturbed, it is like those family members dying all over again, I have sought therapy to help me through this and thus far I am doing better and have since made peace with the people that are responsible for this horrible act it is obvious they are morally dead themselves. Earth has no sorrow that Heaven can not heal.



Moving on, I have had some good times in between all the madness,I finally made contact with five incredible African American gay men that are part of the community here in Mad-Town. they all appear to be very intelligent, friendly and open gay men. We plan to get together again soon and maybe hang out or have brunch at my apartment one weekend. No none of them are interested in me, but it would be nice being that I am attracted to one or two of them. Kewon has been a real gem, and Jeffrey always has a brotha's back, it was comforting to know someone cares. My friends have been real supportive these past few weeks I am truly blessed to have Jeffrey, Kewon, Ariel and George in my life.