Vision of Love or Nightmare?

What up my peeps been a minute rest assured I have been busy, and I have missed you all or at least reading your blogs. I will spend sometime this afternoon or early evening catching up on my reading and check out whats happening with you. I will make this brief however; it will give you some insight as to what has transpired since my last entry; well it was the weekend prior and I decided to get away from the condo and him (Ke) just to sort out my thoughts and get in touch with me, because I had lost control and allowed my little head do the thinking instead of the big head.

I departed Madison for a quick trip over to Milwaukee, checked into a moderate hotel unpacked left the room to walk Wisconsin Ave in search of something to eat (no I was looking for food). I decided on a burger and fries might as well eat greasy food being that I would be doing some serious drinking later that evening. I had my dinner walked along the Grand Ave Mall window shopping as if I was really interested in the displays offering the latest in lateness. Keep in mind that I was suppose to be here to read and relax not drink or throw my diet out the window, but shyte happens. I was not suppose to be drinking at all this weekend because you know how I get with a few beers and half naked men walking around me makes me wanna fuck something.

The club scene was it's usual, bars full of men young and old trying to cast shade while dancing to the beat of the drums or what ever music that dj/vj was playing. I enjoy dancing although I am not the young performer I was some years ago, I could even Vogue back in the day and hand it to you on the dance floor in a very masculine way, time brings about change, but the brotha still has skills. Okay I had promised myself that I would clear my head and nut sack of Kewon and how does one clear his mind? Sex with a stranger...Not! Flirt and enjoy the young and old brothas that are doing their best to capture the attention of this brotha. I flirted awhile got a hard on and decided to leave before I get caught up and regret it in the morning so I leave for the hotel while en route to the hotel I meet a very attractive brotha (hustler), but I don't give in I move right along minding my horny business.

I grab a quick bit to eat from the same place I had ate earlier that evening; I paid for my food , tipped the sistha then headed for the hotel which was only a block away. I ate the food I had purchased, checked my voice mail and text messages and there was a very shocking messages from Ke the text message "I love you Boo." I was touched, but thought hell naw this is mass game the brotha knows that when I return I was ending this jacked up relationship. I admit I wanted to call him to say the same and tell him where I was, but no more being soft and polite.

Leaving the hotel the following morning after a long night of thinking I was confident that I could end this and I was certain I knew where I went wrong and how the relationship got out of hand but when I realized that I pushed myself on him and he into the relationship, you can imagine my chagrin, I was so disappointed in my actions it took some corroboration but the evidence was there, "I had thrown myself on the brotha." I must have felt alienated or something and felt the need to be with someone; Ke was really just a friend not a lover, but it was me who took it to a level he wasn't interested in and yes it was like an accident "you can't look at it, but you can't turn away." He went with the flow being sentient to say the least.

I arrived at the condo called out to him, but no answer and I could hear music in the den and I gathered he was in there doing his strip routine to the sound of the Pussycat Dolls, he saw a strip show in Miami and he is now learning to throw his ass and sling his dick (not bad kinda sexy in fact). Okay I open the den door and yes he is in there naked and dancing, but not alone his good friend is in on the strip act too. No I doubt if they are fucking, and now it really makes no difference because I apologized to Kewon and ended the relationship although we are going to try and maintain a friendship, it was my fault that things got off track, he gave me the line about "we would have grown into it!" Chile Pleeze I was in it, you would have grown into it in time. Yes we are no longer a couple and I have given him until the end of summer (August) to vacate the condo shortly thereafter I may relocate out of town. I have come to the conclusion that I have got to change and change at this time in my life will be difficult, but I will change.