When friends become foes

Whats good? I'm not really feeling so good about myself or my actions right about now. This week has turned out to be a good and bad week and it is only Wednesday. I mentioned to you guys a few weeks back that I had to make a harsh decision and alleviate some friendships, well as you know I did just that, and for good cause. I would like to believe that it was best for all parties involved, but turns out that I really hurt and disappointed one of the brothas (Michael), see Michael and I were kinda close, but I didn't tell him to much because of his big mouth (he will tell it all in the name of love). I received two very disturbing emails from him this week, in one email he assured me that "he wish he never encountered me." The brotha is slandering me all over town. Oh well!

Long story short, I learned today that not only is he a recovering alcoholic, drug user and sex addict, but also his health has been compromised as a result, that would explain the haggard look and mental issues. Don't get me wrong the brotha is in school, working and doing good things in the community. I've had the opportunity to work with him on various projects, but a month ago he snapped at me for the third time and that was it, I don't tolerate bullshit from just anybody. We got along famously for a while, but I noticed how strange he was acting and always telling me something about one person or another. Now I find out that he is sick. I feel bad because I should have been nicer and maybe tried to be his friend, but he is so shady and not trust worthy I couldn't continue socializing with him. Now I feel sad because I may have ended the friendship without enough thought and soon he could be gone.

On a good note, I'm looking forward to doing some good works this summer even if I'm not chosen to go to Haiti with the group from Wisconsin. School ends next month and I will have the whole summer out! Not all that great, because I will still need to take on part time work. I've also got my eye on a real cutie!

I just don't know

Here it is April already, Spring Break has come and gone and just today we had snow in Wisconsin and tomorrow we will be in the sixties. One would think that by now I would be used to the weather here in Wisconsin, but no I'm not. I have decided that upon graduation with another degree in hand I'm leaving. I'm at wits end with this town, really I think that it's because I haven't been able to secure the job I desire, good local friends ( I do have one good female friend), suitable housing and of course a beau. Don't get me wrong Milwaukee and Madison have ample opportunities for some people, but this brotha hasn't been all that lucky. I just miss the big city something awful.

Kewon has been offered a job out west (California) and I wish him the best, he really was hoping to go to Haiti for a few months to help out, but after school lets out for the summer he will head west to look for housing and maybe spend a month in Haiti. I have yet to get on board to volunteer for a project there, some of the educators and medical staff went down a few weeks ago, I had not been cleared as of yet, besides I have no idea where my damn passport is at, I have reason to believe it is in Kewon's personal possessions and has been in there since we split last year. No problem I will get another passport or retrieve the one at his apartment. Oh well.

The one morning that I get to sleep in late, my young neighbor and gurlfriend decides to wake me up fighting. I was able to go back to sleep a few minutes later then the brotha on the other side of my bedroom decides to stay home and entertain guest early in the morning; I generally don't complain, but as of late the brotha on the other side of my bedroom is getting on my reserved nerve. Damn high rise living and the thin walls. Tonight I'm going to play House Music then some Cher; I bet he won't appreciate that and the gurlfriend will scream because she will then suspect that I'm gay and she can't tolerate Black gay men. Where is my copy of" Carl Bean's I'm gay? Found it! They are going to have to call security on me tonight, hope the Black security guard is working tonight, he always enjoys Hennesey and Newports and I have some in my kitchen and I'll make sure he comes in and have a glass. I will make sure that the Outhere Brothers song is playing when he comes in, for those of you that are to young to know the Outhere Brother's song it is titled (I Wanna Fuck you in the Ass).

I suppose I really should be doing something constructive like studying or grading papers instead of getting back at my neighbor for his flagrant disregard for me this morning. has anyone gone to see Tyler Perry's newest movie yet? I was thinking of treating myself to a movie this weekend and I thought perhaps Tp's latest movie.

Spring Cleaning

Spring has finally sprung and now is the perfect opportunity for me to spring clean. For the past couple of years I have held on to a some people and relationships that I should have long cleaned out of my life. I'm convinced that we sometimes outgrow friendships and it's sad to say I have outgrown a couple of friendships, in recent months these people have disrespected and totally disregarded our friendship. Change doesn't always come easy for me, but it is important that I clean the mental debris out of my life even if it means seeing a therapist to help me work through it, I plan on utilizing my insurance to talk with a therapist a few times in the next few weeks, just to help me work through this without holding grudges. I love my friends, but if they are unwilling or unable to respect me then "Good Bye, Adios, Arrivederci, Sayonara!"


The past couple of weeks have been busy, I made the trip to Milwaukee to talk with Kewon face to face and we are now on the same page, no more sex or moving in with each other, he didn't take it so well, but after dinner and some good conversation along the lakefront we agreed to move on. I was kinda looking forward to spending the Memorial Day weekend with him, but I know that wouldn't be good, so I'll find someone else to spend the Memorial Day weekend.

Part of my spring cleaning means changing my diet, exercising,redecorating my bedroom and other areas of the apartment,finding ways to make me happy and tightening my budget. I guess it all comes down to reinvention of self. Happy Spring!

Whats good? Yes I've been missing in action for a minute simply because not much has been happening in my life and certainly not enough to scribe about. I was kinda dating Tony, but the distance between us started to wear on both of us, all that travelling up and down the highway and not to mention he lives right down the street from the school where Kewon teaches, yes I was spotted by Kewon one Friday afternoon as I was leaving the area. Kewon was heading to the parking lot of the school(across the street) and there I was sitting in my car awaiting the light to change. He noticed it was me and immediately got in the car with me, I drove a few blocks while we talked until I turned around to take him back to the school's parking to retrieve his vehicle. Long story short we ended up at a local hotel; Need I say more?

I feel like I cheated on Tony, but we were only dating with casual sex. Now Kewon is talking about coming back to Madison once the school year ends. I didn't tell him that I was thinking of relocating at the end of the school year too. I think he wants to move back in with me. The boi has to much baggage with him, and I'm no bellhop.

Happy Black History Month

Happy Black History. My calendar is filled with events and activities to take place this month, I look forward to attending those events and partaking in the activities. The first event will be conducted by a friend whom is attending grad school, she will host an symposium on Black Health Issues. Later in the week I will visit a community center to see the display put up by a friend. Of course there are all sorts of events on campus and in the school system.

Not a great deal has transpired since my last entry, I'm no longer diligently searching for that special someone, although I'm enjoying the social networking via: cyberspace and of course Tony has been a comforting and entertaining companion. Sidebar: I met Tony online, and we hooked up. Get you mind out the gutter we are not fuckin like rabbits yet,(wink). We live about ninety miles from each other, but we see each other at least two days a week thus far.

I'm convinced that I will be waiting and or anticipating for the remainder of the year, as I stated in an earlier blog, "I was waiting when the new year came in", and I'm still waiting for whatever reasons. I have had to wait for this and wait for that, and now I'm convinced that what it is you're doing when the new year comes in you'll continue to do the rest of the year. I hope I'm incorrect on this one, but so far it hasn't proven me wrong. The picture above gives me strength and patience along with my higher power, the brothas and sistahs in the picture are waiting and anticipating for a verdict Brown vs. The Board of Education, and the outcome made history, so if they had no problem waiting; why should I?

I suppose I really have very little reason to complain, but it's human nature. I have had a very good week thus far with the exception of the long waits for this or that, in fact my week has been good thus far. I had a great birthday, I celebrated it with friends and I received some nice gifts from the Diva. I received calls and cards from friends which is always nice, being that most times they don't even bother sending a card just text messages. Speaking of waiting, I could have waited a tad bit longer for this birthday, the birthdays are coming far to fast for the old man.

For the past couple of weeks I have been trying my hand at social networking and so far so good, although many of the kats are on bull shyte, but other than that there are a few good dudes floating around in Cyberspace. I invited one to come visit and he accepted, even drove seventy miles and didn't request gas money from me, but of course I offered. We spent the day after my birthday (Saturday) together and it was nice, very nice in fact. I have also been talking on the phone with a brotha that seems to be bout it bout it! Maybe just maybe I'llhave my very own Valentine by 2/14/2010 yeah right, on second thought it's quite possible.

Of course nothing goes as planned, I did share my telephone number with a brotha that apparently gets hook-ups all the time, because during our conversation he not only called me by the wrong name, he went on to give details of our last encounter sexual encounter that is, when in fact I had never met him, been with him. He had forgotten who he was talking to being that he gets calls and hook-ups all the time. Still don't know what his arse does for a living, probably runs a brothel.

Waiting Mode

I'm not a big fan of: the ole saying " That whatever it is you're doing when the new year comes in, you'll be doing the remainder of the year." But, so far it is becoming true in my situation. Long story short; I was in line awaiting entrance into the club when the new year arrived. Here it is almost two weeks into the new year and I'm still in waiting mode. I feel like I'm a mannequin, life moving right past me while I await the window dresser to remove me from the window display. I have done nothing but wait in lines be it at school, the store and even to get into my apartment, yes I had to wait damn near twenty four hours to get into my apartment through maintenance, being that six of the doors on my floor had been tampered with by some unknown muthafucka, the locks were jammed and it was the night of a snow storm, and service was at a halt.

I don't mind waiting in line for a concert, a flight or even my favorite eatery, but lately everywhere I've been in the past week and a half I have had to wait for long or unusual amounts of time. I was convinced that the ole saying rang true when I had to wait to get into my own apartment after my key wouldn't work, good thing the young man next door and his girlfriend was there to keep me company in the lobby, they too were locked out. The waiting game continues, today the bus was late(wait), bank computer down (wait), items that were to be delivered today didn't show (wait) and now my Internet is running slow once again I wait. So if I don't post anytime soon probably means I'm waiting.