When friends become foes

Whats good? I'm not really feeling so good about myself or my actions right about now. This week has turned out to be a good and bad week and it is only Wednesday. I mentioned to you guys a few weeks back that I had to make a harsh decision and alleviate some friendships, well as you know I did just that, and for good cause. I would like to believe that it was best for all parties involved, but turns out that I really hurt and disappointed one of the brothas (Michael), see Michael and I were kinda close, but I didn't tell him to much because of his big mouth (he will tell it all in the name of love). I received two very disturbing emails from him this week, in one email he assured me that "he wish he never encountered me." The brotha is slandering me all over town. Oh well!

Long story short, I learned today that not only is he a recovering alcoholic, drug user and sex addict, but also his health has been compromised as a result, that would explain the haggard look and mental issues. Don't get me wrong the brotha is in school, working and doing good things in the community. I've had the opportunity to work with him on various projects, but a month ago he snapped at me for the third time and that was it, I don't tolerate bullshit from just anybody. We got along famously for a while, but I noticed how strange he was acting and always telling me something about one person or another. Now I find out that he is sick. I feel bad because I should have been nicer and maybe tried to be his friend, but he is so shady and not trust worthy I couldn't continue socializing with him. Now I feel sad because I may have ended the friendship without enough thought and soon he could be gone.

On a good note, I'm looking forward to doing some good works this summer even if I'm not chosen to go to Haiti with the group from Wisconsin. School ends next month and I will have the whole summer out! Not all that great, because I will still need to take on part time work. I've also got my eye on a real cutie!

I Need to Start Over!

I have been missing in action for past few weeks, and for no good reason. The past few weeks have been the pits, it truly sucks to be sometimes. In the past few weeks I have made some very serious decisions about my life. I have diligently tried to be a good friend and good family member, but as Rodney Dangerfield would say "I get no respect." I try very hard to be a good friend to those I befriend, but some people make it hard to maintain certain friendships. I made the decision to terminate three friendships recently. It saddens me to have walked away from those friendships, but one of them was toxic very toxic and it was beginning to trickle down on the other two people. I generally don't give up so easily, but this time I weighed the options and it just isn't worth the effort to maintain these toxic friendships. Well I can't cry today maybe tomorrow.

On a happier note; I'm busy with school, it's quite challenging and rewarding. I've gone on a couple of dates over the past couple of weeks and it is apparent folks don't believe in romance anymore; it is just sex and party. I folded, and I'm learning to accept the fact that "I'm going to remain single for the remainder of my life." One brotha, I dated was so nice, but he was a whore in a major way. The other brotha, I dated was not only short of the stick, but personality as well. That's it "I'm ghost on the dating scene."

The weather in the Midwest has been absolutely wonderful, allowing me the opportunity to get another glance at the brothas in shorts and sandals. Yes it has been seventy degrees the past few days, this is unusual this time of year, especially in Wisconsin. Has anybody been keeping up with The Amazing Race? I'm loving Flight Time and Big Easy, hope they win. Oh by the way the photo of the brotha with the tear in his eye isn't me, just thought it was the perfect pix for the post.

Not a Hellva Summer

I really don't know what to make of this summer it has been really strange. I really need to take the next couple of weeks and get-a-way from Mad-Town; perhaps I will go visit with family although most of my nephews, nieces,great nieces and nephews have returned either back to college or school. It would be nice to visit with my sister's and their families even with the kids away at school, we have all had a rough summer after that Burr Oak situation. Many friends have called to console me during these rough and uncertain times in fact it is like those family members buried or were buried at Burr Oak have died all over again.

My buddy Jeffrey has really proven to be a good friend he has been with me every step of the way even making the trips to Chicago with me to on the family burial plots and grave sites. he even has a family member or two in that cemetery. he's a strong brotha and a good friend.

Kewon is excited about returning back to work, it is hard to imagine this is his second year teaching, he seems to like his career very much. he invited me to join him in Atlanta for the Labor Day Weekend... Good Luck! No I will not be tagging behind his young arse I have excepted the fact that I need to catch up with my own crowd (older clique).

It is truly hectic here in Mad-Town the students are moving out and new ones moving in, yes this year I hope to see plenty men of color on campus especially since I will not only be working on campus, but also attending classes of my own. I have noticed that many men and women my age (no I am not that old) returning back to school be it graduate work or post graduate. It is a forever changing world.

Hell on Earth

The past few weeks have been chaotic to say the least. I don't even know where to start, but I will start with the devastating news I received a couple of weeks ago shortly after the Fourth of July weekend; well it all started with a telephone call from a good friend in Chicago his name is George aka Billie Holiday (long story), well George inquiries if I have any family buried at the Burr Oak Cemetery in Alsip, Il right outside of Chicago? I stated "yes I have family buried there." Then he went on to say they have been robbing graves at the cemetery. I said "what the fuck?" Yes burial plots are being resold and the remains of the previous were throw in mass graves while workers profit from the resale of such plot. I damn near fainted, but was strong enough to get the necessary information and prepare for my trip to Chicago.

True enough more than three hundred plots had been resold and remains tossed into various mass graves within the cemetery. I immediately made the trip home to see what the hell was going on in that place, I arrived in Chicago made my way to the cemetery only to find hundreds of other people there diligently searching for grave markers, burial plots anything that would identify their love one's final resting place, but to mo avail for many. The cemetery records were in shambles grave marker/headstones missing and very few answers for many of us. What a nightmare!

I have been back to Chicago a number of times and have yet to find out if my family members graves have been disturbed, it is like those family members dying all over again, I have sought therapy to help me through this and thus far I am doing better and have since made peace with the people that are responsible for this horrible act it is obvious they are morally dead themselves. Earth has no sorrow that Heaven can not heal.



Moving on, I have had some good times in between all the madness,I finally made contact with five incredible African American gay men that are part of the community here in Mad-Town. they all appear to be very intelligent, friendly and open gay men. We plan to get together again soon and maybe hang out or have brunch at my apartment one weekend. No none of them are interested in me, but it would be nice being that I am attracted to one or two of them. Kewon has been a real gem, and Jeffrey always has a brotha's back, it was comforting to know someone cares. My friends have been real supportive these past few weeks I am truly blessed to have Jeffrey, Kewon, Ariel and George in my life.

Hit the road

The past few weeks have been grueling, but nonetheless; rewarding. Finally the holiday (4Th of July) weekend is upon us and hopefully I can unwind and enjoy the weekend. I have not received one invitation to any bar-b-ques or gathering, but that's Madison for you. Jeffrey did invite me to join him in Chicago for Black Pride and Taste of Chicago, but I doubt if I attend either event, but then again I may leave out of here later today and do Chicago.

Kewon left earlier today for Chicago, he also invited me to tag along, yeah tag along being that he has some boyfriend with him, it's all good now that I am truly over his arse. I could really use this as a chance to spend time reading, writing and studying, but I feel the need to get my row out, yeah fuck something other than my hand and no doubt the sex will be jumping off in Chi-Town.

I will keep you posted if I go to Chi-Town, I know the clubs will be festive, not to mention Jackson Park, Hubbard Street and North Halsted Street. Okay maybe I will pack the LV and head that way unless of course the brotha I met a few days ago wants to hang out at my place then I will entertain at home this weekend. Have a great holiday weekend.

Yeah it be Me

Been a minute since my last post and finally time has allotted me the opportunity to post to my blog. Shortly after returning home from the Thanksgiving festivities I continued to prepare for the Christmas holiday,I was busy trying to find just the right gifts for family and friends and since we are all watching our monies closely with the state of the economy being what it is or isn't means that one must be frugal and save as much as possible so my family friends and I set a spending limit on gifts, we agreed to purchase only the gifts that were one hundred dollars or less, in most cases we only spent fifty or sixty dollars, no I am not cheap! I found nice gifts for the members of my family and for friends. Holiday gifts for less than I have spent most years this year total somewhere in the neighborhood of: six hundred dollars.

I had been ignoring Kewon's calls and then all of a sudden while in bed fondling my own dick, the phone rings and it was him, I immediately took the call and we spoke openly and candidly about our past, present lives and the shower episode. He didn't elaborate to much and neither did I, but we both thought it was good and that there is nothing wrong with a little nook nook here and there so we plan to suck and fuck next weekend, with no strings attached. Yes I can do it and walk away (Yeps)!

The holidays were swiftly approaching and on the night of the 15Th my sister calls me while I am at dinner with an old boy partner, we had ran into each other near my office and he was going on and on about never seeing me and what he had been doing so I bought him a dinner (Chicken/Tacos) his choice. I took the call from my sister Pat and she tells me " her husband had passed away." I could not believe my ears so I spoke with her a few minutes and told her I would call her the moment I got home which was only a short walk to my place from the restaurant. I told Willie what had transpired and he tried to console me, but he was unsure what I was thinking at that time so he just let me talk.

A spoke with my sister and assured her that I would be there, but had to make plans to have my assignment covered and make reservations to fly out; she told me no worries because the body would be flown to Wisconsin after the services in her state. I said okay and awaited the services in Milwaukee, I left the day before the body was to arrive and stayed until after the services. Just a few days til Christmas and I am grief stricken and hadn't finished preparing for the holiday, but with all that had transpired I knew that the holiday would not be the same. Ke came and stayed with me for two days and it was truly nice to have somebody around to laugh and kick it with, we did the damn thing and guess what? I am not feeling like I have in the past oh the sex was good and the head is off the chain, but we are moving on and have excepted the fact that we are friends with benefits. LMAO!

I hate my job, no I hate some of the people I work with, and the sad part about it is that we are all starting show our true colors... The muthafuckas had better step softly because I have had it with them, my boss promotes hatred and tolerates it in the workplace. He is in for a rude awakening.

I am so looking forward to the NewYear Eve Party I will be attending. Now let me start reading gotta catch up on your blogs. Missed you.