Whats good? Yes I've been missing in action for a minute simply because not much has been happening in my life and certainly not enough to scribe about. I was kinda dating Tony, but the distance between us started to wear on both of us, all that travelling up and down the highway and not to mention he lives right down the street from the school where Kewon teaches, yes I was spotted by Kewon one Friday afternoon as I was leaving the area. Kewon was heading to the parking lot of the school(across the street) and there I was sitting in my car awaiting the light to change. He noticed it was me and immediately got in the car with me, I drove a few blocks while we talked until I turned around to take him back to the school's parking to retrieve his vehicle. Long story short we ended up at a local hotel; Need I say more?

I feel like I cheated on Tony, but we were only dating with casual sex. Now Kewon is talking about coming back to Madison once the school year ends. I didn't tell him that I was thinking of relocating at the end of the school year too. I think he wants to move back in with me. The boi has to much baggage with him, and I'm no bellhop.

Not a Hellva Summer

I really don't know what to make of this summer it has been really strange. I really need to take the next couple of weeks and get-a-way from Mad-Town; perhaps I will go visit with family although most of my nephews, nieces,great nieces and nephews have returned either back to college or school. It would be nice to visit with my sister's and their families even with the kids away at school, we have all had a rough summer after that Burr Oak situation. Many friends have called to console me during these rough and uncertain times in fact it is like those family members buried or were buried at Burr Oak have died all over again.

My buddy Jeffrey has really proven to be a good friend he has been with me every step of the way even making the trips to Chicago with me to on the family burial plots and grave sites. he even has a family member or two in that cemetery. he's a strong brotha and a good friend.

Kewon is excited about returning back to work, it is hard to imagine this is his second year teaching, he seems to like his career very much. he invited me to join him in Atlanta for the Labor Day Weekend... Good Luck! No I will not be tagging behind his young arse I have excepted the fact that I need to catch up with my own crowd (older clique).

It is truly hectic here in Mad-Town the students are moving out and new ones moving in, yes this year I hope to see plenty men of color on campus especially since I will not only be working on campus, but also attending classes of my own. I have noticed that many men and women my age (no I am not that old) returning back to school be it graduate work or post graduate. It is a forever changing world.

What a Differance a Day Makes

What's good my fellow bloggers? Yeah this brotha has been absent for a minute, but I am back and I will update in a more timely manner fo sho. As I mentioned in an earlier blog many changes have transpired in my Life this includes career, friendships, housing and even my love life (if it can be called that). As you know I was placed on administrative leave with pay, that lasted all of six weeks before I was terminated, yes they kicked my arse to the curb, but for no good reason. I immediately withdrew the equivalent to six months salary to tide me over until something else comes along. I did find work shortly thereafter, but on a part-time basis. I may be only working and earning a fraction of what I used to earn, but at least the work is rewarding and could turn into a full-time position with the State Agency. I am content at this time being that part-time work allows me the opportunity to freelance, and work on another degree not to mention work on me as a whole.

I had prepared to relocate if the opportunity and employment presented itself, but Madison will remain my home for at least another year, I found a Downtown apartment, no more lease to own luxury condo, but a standard high rise apartment overlooking the city, but no lake view. Kewon has been very understanding and supportive during this transition, we are not fucking, but instead we are learning to be friends. Now on the other hand the Ex is back (not Kewon), but Mister. We had dealt for a few years, but he loved his drugs and alcohol more than he loved himself, he has been clean for years although I don't feel he is totally clean he reeked of blunt when he came to visit me recently, he is now a much better person and his company was greatly appreciated, we talked, did the damn thang and spent time getting to know each other again, but I truly believe that the past is the past and eventually you must let it go.

A couple of weeks ago I went to see Kalup Linzy and I was quite impressed, the show was good. Easter Brunch was very nice the Edgewater Hotel host the most elite crowd and the food was excellent. Mayhem Poets was a great performance very entertaining they nearly packed out the house at Overture.Three handsome, educated and talented young men. Okay let me close here so that I can read some of your blog entries.

Holla at ya in a minute

What's Good? I have been so busy lately with all that has transpired in my life that I haven't had a chance to update my blog however; I will post soon, the post will reflect most everything including my visit from the ex which was really interesting, no it was not Ke. I have been checking your blogs out and it appears we all have man trouble. This Spring let's beat the odds and find the perfect mate.

Rhythm of Life

How is it possible that at one moment everything in your world is perfect then all of a sudden nothing appears to be right? Change doesn't always come easy in fact it doesn't come easy at all, but I am a firm believer that no more than we can bear will be placed upon us. I have had the worst couple of months a man could imagine, but still I push on and try not to look back, because looking back one might go back.

I was placed on administrative leave (with pay) more than two weeks ago and this is not exactly a good feeling and I am beginning to think that I may be forced out once I do return, and there is no doubt I will be reassigned and that is fine with me I could use the change besides I have no interest working in the same department or with the personnel from my old division especially with my boss, he and I do not get along at all never had he has held a grudge against me from day one when he took my former boss's job, as you may remember my former boss and I were friends, he got caught up in that firing and hiring bullshit nearly a year ago, now it is round two!

I have been busy packing up the condo, good thing it was lease with option to buy otherwise a brotha would be stuck with it! The property market is not exactly blooming. I have decided to move into an apartment being that the memories in this place are to much to deal with on a daily basis, not to mention I am not very fond of: Madison and if it wasn't for my job I would have been gone. Of course a brotha has been searching for something different, remember about a year or so ago I spoke about returning to the classroom as a student not a teacher this may very well be the perfect opportunity.

I spoke with both Jeff and Ke about my situation and both are very supportive, in fact Ke cried over the phone two nights in a row (I was thinking to myself that he was crying simply because he can't get money from me to pay his bills anymore if I am not working) he was relived when I told him I still get my paycheck. I could feel him smile from cheek to cheek. He hasn't ask for much in the past month he has been doing okay on his first year teachers salary.

Jeff finally slowed down and for good reason he keeps finding the worst men this town has to offer, I have tried to explain to him that it just isn't enough gay black men here and that he needs to continue going to Chicago or Milwaukee for trade, this town has some good looking men, but their minds are not right. There isn't even a Black gay bar here and the white children to not appreciate the Black children venturing into the white bars, Milwaukee has a few all Black and you know Chicago has everything a brotha is looking for, in fact I am willing to go over with him this weekend and spend the night that way he can have trade at the hotel (his room of course) why I head to the Southside to catch a Strip Show (STR8)!

Yeah it be Me

Been a minute since my last post and finally time has allotted me the opportunity to post to my blog. Shortly after returning home from the Thanksgiving festivities I continued to prepare for the Christmas holiday,I was busy trying to find just the right gifts for family and friends and since we are all watching our monies closely with the state of the economy being what it is or isn't means that one must be frugal and save as much as possible so my family friends and I set a spending limit on gifts, we agreed to purchase only the gifts that were one hundred dollars or less, in most cases we only spent fifty or sixty dollars, no I am not cheap! I found nice gifts for the members of my family and for friends. Holiday gifts for less than I have spent most years this year total somewhere in the neighborhood of: six hundred dollars.

I had been ignoring Kewon's calls and then all of a sudden while in bed fondling my own dick, the phone rings and it was him, I immediately took the call and we spoke openly and candidly about our past, present lives and the shower episode. He didn't elaborate to much and neither did I, but we both thought it was good and that there is nothing wrong with a little nook nook here and there so we plan to suck and fuck next weekend, with no strings attached. Yes I can do it and walk away (Yeps)!

The holidays were swiftly approaching and on the night of the 15Th my sister calls me while I am at dinner with an old boy partner, we had ran into each other near my office and he was going on and on about never seeing me and what he had been doing so I bought him a dinner (Chicken/Tacos) his choice. I took the call from my sister Pat and she tells me " her husband had passed away." I could not believe my ears so I spoke with her a few minutes and told her I would call her the moment I got home which was only a short walk to my place from the restaurant. I told Willie what had transpired and he tried to console me, but he was unsure what I was thinking at that time so he just let me talk.

A spoke with my sister and assured her that I would be there, but had to make plans to have my assignment covered and make reservations to fly out; she told me no worries because the body would be flown to Wisconsin after the services in her state. I said okay and awaited the services in Milwaukee, I left the day before the body was to arrive and stayed until after the services. Just a few days til Christmas and I am grief stricken and hadn't finished preparing for the holiday, but with all that had transpired I knew that the holiday would not be the same. Ke came and stayed with me for two days and it was truly nice to have somebody around to laugh and kick it with, we did the damn thing and guess what? I am not feeling like I have in the past oh the sex was good and the head is off the chain, but we are moving on and have excepted the fact that we are friends with benefits. LMAO!

I hate my job, no I hate some of the people I work with, and the sad part about it is that we are all starting show our true colors... The muthafuckas had better step softly because I have had it with them, my boss promotes hatred and tolerates it in the workplace. He is in for a rude awakening.

I am so looking forward to the NewYear Eve Party I will be attending. Now let me start reading gotta catch up on your blogs. Missed you.

Too Proud Family

Well a brotha survived another holiday with the family and I gotta admit as nice as it is to see and be with family the stays are getting shorter and shorter; I can't tolerate the new generation as much as I can the older generation then again that isn't exactly true because some of the older members of the family are just as bad as the younger members. Take my youngest sister she is always asking "why don't you come around more?" How could I with my grueling schedule and the cost of airfare ( not so much the airfare, but paying for the extra luggage hell my shoes alone will cost me a grip they are paced in a bag 13's at least two pair not to mention clothes and the fee associated with the weight of the bags) hell she makes more monies than I do and she has a husband with an income, shyte visit me sometimes. Now my aunt Essie is the real gem, she had taken her medication by the time I arrived on Wednesday evening, but by dinner Thursday afternoon she had not only not taken her medication, but had decided to join the younger members of the family in a game of jello shots, I was through to through in fact because many years ago she was known for being able to drink most men under the table, she was a party girl back in the day. She was handling the drinks and answering trivia questions like nobody's business then it was time to prepare for dinner that is when the shyte hit the fan.

The door bell rings and my little cuzin gets the door and announces that my partner was at the door; nobody really cared who was being announced because ex wives, boyfriends and a host of thugs was in and out and most of us knew none of them, but Essie knew everybody coming and going and even called Kewon over to let him know that she was pleased he could make it, that was a relief she finally realized that Ke was male and not some hoochie. The guest start making their way to various tables and of course we where separated by a number of things i.g. the educated, money/big incomes, thugs and baby mamas/daddies and Essie placed Kewon, his friend, my thugged out cuzin (Baby Boi) that has been in and out of one of those correctional facilities trying to maintain his Baller status; the other end of the table with me were Baby Boi's childhood friend Trey (phine and jet black). Now this wasn't place card setting, but you would have thought it was the way the family had placed us at each table with much thought applied; I guess I did not make enough monies for the money table nor did I make it to the Frat/Sor table. LMAO!

The conversations in the room(s) were colorful and quite interesting. Ke's family was there too and they shared stories and it comes to light that Essie knows the grandma and aunt of Kewon very well someplace in the South. Of course there was card games, dancing and the basement was to many things drunks everywhere and the kitchen was none stop with plates going out and coming in, Essie was on patrol most of the time discarding dishes that people brought over , and telling Ke and I why: she would say "that bitch can't cook and; have you seen her kitchen?" We would toss the food in the trash bin as instructed. Ke and I kept it cordial and friendly most of the night since folks seem to think we are still an item. Good Luck!

Friday morning very early I hear doors slamming and cars starting up various family members were getting up to go shopping on Black Friday. I was in the room with baby Boi and some girl that he fucked all night, I was going to go to a hotel being that there were to many folks in this house, but stayed anyway knowing that i would be leaving early afternoon. I headed for the shower and saw Ke coming out of the girl's room down the hall he and his family shared a room. he asked if I mind if he showers with me being that so many others would need hot water too; I was half sleep and said "yes." I got in the shower he locked the door and came in the shower and before I could ask did he have a good time with my family yesterday he was boobing up and down on my dick and I reciprocated. I immediately returned to the room to get dressed and I hailed a cab and got the hell out of there gave essie an envelope to buy her something nice and I was gone. Ke started calling about an half hour later guess he had discovered that I was not going to be trapped in his web again, caught my flight and went home, if I had driven I would have hung around and something else would have happened. I have not taken his call yet, I forward it to voice mail.

Hope that you guys had a good Thanksgiving, gotta go I need to catch up on my reading of blogs. Holla at ya later.

Something in my heart always knew

Thought I might blog today as opposed to sitting in my /office until late into the evening instead of going to the empty condo; yeah ole boy left my black arse, and I have been a hot mess every minute since I discovered that Ke was gone and I can't seem to bring myself out of the slump that I am in, missing work, drinking until I pass out and yesterday I finally decided to leave the house return to work, have a decent meal and drop some clothes off at the dry cleaner being that I have not gone anywhere near housework or laundry, it really isn't that bad being that I am somewhat neat most of the time, but I just can't face the fact the my Boo Boo Kitty has left and my heart aches just the scent of his cologne, the last towel he used in the bathroom the sheets on the bed all still in the same place I refuse to change it, I have not answered the phone with the exception of Debbie's call because the last thing I need is for her to fly here find me unshaven, musty and reeking of beer. Yes I found the shower in the other bathroom and used that shower and had considered retrieving the bar of soap from the other bathroom that Ke last used, but I thought otherwise that meant I would pass his picture on the wall.

Maybe I can convince to time to slow up allowing me time to grow up because there is little or no reason for me to feel so down and out, but love hurts and this isn't the first time; but it makes me a firm believer that what you put out you certainly get back, and this brotha was a heart breaker back in the day and now I am allowing others to break my already damaged heart. On my own once again.

My Heart is Damaged

The past few weeks have been very disturbing to say the least and no I am not registering any complaints because I kinda had a feeling that things would happen just has they occurred; if you remember nothing has been the same since Kewon became my friend/lover. The graduation and family gather, Miami fiasco, trouble in the bedroom these are the events that have torn us apart, we are still residing in the same apartment only this time as roommates or seasonal friends. I am in therapy (not clinical), but my own way of dealing with heartache and pain. It is my fault I fell for the brotha when in fact I had warned my heart that I should be careful when dealing with younger men, it isn't fair for a man my age to try and capture my youth through a younger lover when there are plenty of brothas my age (no I am not that old, but certainly to old to be so damn foolish).

I have come to face the reality that I will probably never find a compatible mate and that my friend, I will have to deal with and if it means paying the strippers for service then so be it, been there and done that and have actually had fun times with them outside of the bedroom or dance floor, but I could never date one on a regular I love to hard and I can get very upset when to much attention is given to my partner especially when it isn't me giving the brotha the attention.

Ke and I have talked things out and I have been drunk four out seven times during those conversations and have given him the dick before he can finish the conversation then we are right back where we stared and we both know that we are not to be a couple, but continue to throw dick at each other. I finally sat down yesterday (Father's Day) and talked seriously about what I was feeling and not feeling he too spoke candidly about his feelings, the things he told me cut like a knife and I bleed like a broken heart. He got fucked in Miami!

Hearing him give the details of the things he had done in that short time and how and where it went down fucked my understanding slam up! I should have just kept shit simple, but no I get to damn excited by phine brothas and intelligent brothas. I was so damn mad hearing him share the details and I had promised myself that I would not tell him exactly what I had done that weekend in particular, but he has been texting the negro and the two are on the phone when he and I are sitting on the sofa watching the news or some program, for a while he was on the computer at night chatting or something so I got pissed and gave the damn thing to a friend that had recently had theirs taken. That bastard got up that night and went to Walmart and bought another computer (laptop) then charged it to the house account Mastercard (the account for emergencies when I am not home). My friends are secertly talking about us and rumor has it " I am his Suga Daddy". On the contrary Suga Daddys generally have money and lots of it, I have an income decent but not Suga Daddy money.

I am in my office right now and I guess I should get home and have dinner with knucklehead, yes we try and have dinner together the early part of the week and then go into separate rooms the remainder of the evening unless he wants to play bones or cards. Holla later about my therapy I have given up everything that leads me to sex or poor judgement...Beer and clubs with hot Black men half naked, damn that means back to pleasuring myself. Does anyone know exactly when Kewon is moving out, or why he hasn't moved out yet?

Before you walk out my life

I am slowly putting things into its proper perspectives or at least trying to sort some shyte out. As I stated I arrived home on Wednesday after what turned out to be
a long, but fulfilling holiday weekend. I am still having trouble facing Kewon and he is having the same problem facing me after we performed like such irresponsible men. I told my best friend what happen and he let me have it, he said " Bitch why in the hell did you take that whore to Miami and spend good money on that bitch and her family while they were visiting Madison?" My reply went something like " Love." of course he went on to say " I fell for the brothas good head and good looks and was enjoying his company being that I am always busy and Ke had no problem napping in my office while I work or cuddling up with me while we watch movies He always made time for me even when he was studying for finals."

After thinking back and facing fact, " I was not in love with Ke, but I do care for him and may actually love him". George one of my other good friend gave it to me raw... He told me I was so excited about meeting such a phine young brotha that was not hooked on something or up to no good that I ran with the opportunity to share my life with this man.

I will elaborate on the juicy details and the stunts the boyz were pulling in South Beach. It appears more folk from the South attended the event(s) than that of the North or West Coast now New York and DC was also in the house. I don't feel right talking about my escapes while trying to sort my feeling for Kewon before he leaves for some job offer he has decided to take until something better comes along or he attends graduate school which isn't likely anytime soon. I am on my way home to face him, (I am in my office, yes oon Sunday) he is at the apartment packing. maybe I can find a florist open and grab some flowers for him and invite him to dinner and maybe even invite him back into the bedroom, he is on the sofa (his choice), I told him he could get in the bed since there is room enough for both, but he said " no muthafucka!" I deserved that so I kept my mouth shut, he did come into the bathroom this morning while I was in the shower and just stood there looking at me and then called me a series of names. I jump out and inquire "what did I do?" He is casting blame on me and I know it was he that found interest outside of our thang not me, then again I get carried away around hot black strippers/dancers.

I am in good mood today second day in a row which means that the rest of the week will probably be from hell. I strongly believe that the weather has been a very large factor in my attitude and a stress free couple of days at the job didn't hurt none. It has been a long harsh winter. I was up @ 5AM preparing a lite breakfast (now you know I must have been in a good mood) a brotha stays in that bed until 5:45AM most mornings, but today I felt like getting outside and into the warm weather.

The day went well very few errors at work which is a amazing being that the new director (my boss) has created a data bank and spread sheets that only he understands, my desk was clear of all inter-office assignments so I was able to leave work early and meet with friends for a brief meeting detailing volunteering during Pride Week here in Madison (June) Chile Pleeeze the brothas do not attend the one here we head for Milwaukee or Chicago in July for Black Pride. We all agreed to lend our support prior to Pride Fest, so next week I will work the Clnic in the hood, yeah we got a hood and they love it when I come bearing condoms and pamplets.

The Memorial Day Weekend is approaching fast and Kewon hasn't given me an answer as to where he wants to go, if he doesn't want to go good, I am going somewhere my plans are Miami, but I have given him the opportunity to pick our destination for that weekend.