The Season 2012

I should have known better

2012-01-15T16:56:00.000-08:00

Man it has been a minute, first and foremost let me take this opportunity to wish each and everyone a Happy New Year. I must admit it has been a grueling few months and the new year has started out on the downside, I will not even try and comment on all the bullshit that has transpired in the very first month of this new year, but I will give you a small glance into the circumstances surrounding all the drama.

Most of you know I don't fare well with love and somehow I managed to allow someone other than honorable to enter into my already screwed up life. I had no intentions of allowing anyone to enter into my life since I'm almost always in a vulnerable or unguarded state of mind. Notthing like an old fool. Any who, I met the person on the humbug in fact the young person was employed at a local fast food establishment near my job, I would often stop in for a quick meal before or after work. I befriended the brotha after several meals at the resturant a few trips on Metro together. After a couple of months I gave the brotha my phone number (big mistake)!

The brotha later became homeless, but was still employed and guess who he called for a helping hand? Yes my stupid arse. I went to get the brotha from a bar late one night and he had all of his worldly possessions in his backpack. I being the emphatic person that I am I immediately offered the brother a warm place to sleep for the night and a few dollars for carfare to get to/ from work and the shelter the next day.

Shit dude told me the following morning that he had recently lost his job. I had no way of knowing this being that I hadn't stopped by the resturant in a few weeks being that I was so wrapped up into holiday gatherings and parties, not to mention all the other things that take place between Christmas and New Years Eve. I was off from work so I didn't ask him to leave and allowed him to stay another night, being that I had been taking to him about his life during my meals and those trips on Metro I felt I sort of knew him well enough to allow him yet another night in my simple and small apartment.

The brotha (lets call him Seg) is very handsome, somewhat intelligent and has much street game. No I had no interest in him other than helping a brotha out when things weren't going so well for him, little did I know the brotha had game and was playing on me all the time. He charmed his way into my life, even asked to sleep in my bed with me to watch a movie, and my foolish azz allowed him to start sleeping in my bedroom instead of on the sofa, he should have been gone after night one, but it was cold outside and he had been good company the past few days/nights.

Yes he is still a guest in my house and now I don't know exactly how to ask him out, but I know that I must let him go, we are no longer in the same bed, and we spend even less time together since I work and he well he is searching for employment (yeah right). I gave him a key so that he could come and go as needed to search for work, but the only time he leaves the apartment is to go meet his friends at ungodly hours and to add to the equation he has been dating or tricking with my nemesis Mike, which doesn't surprise me because for the past couple of years Mike has been trying to create drama in my life after the altercation we experienced two years ago.

Now that the two have become an item or client/ trick I have decided that I can no longer help the brother out and I'm asking him to leave at the end of the month. Mike knew damn well I had started to catch feelings for the brotha, but the vile, evil bitch had to add drama to the equation. The sad thing is that Seg has placed himself in harm's way and doesn't know it, I have given him lecture after lecture about the person and his nefarious ways and lifestyle, but he lets it in one ear and out the other. My prayers are with them.

Happy Holidays

2011-12-24T21:26:00.000-08:00

Seasons Greetings Blog Family,

I would like to take this opportunity to wish each and everyone a very Happy Holiday Season. I will post an entry to my blog in the next few days. Not much happening with the exception of the never ending drama in this one horse town. I haven't been posting lately, but I most certainly have been reading your blog entries. Enjoy your holidays.

So long summer

2011-09-22T20:30:00.000-07:00

What he do? I hope that each of you have enjoyed a great summer and hope that the up coming seasons will be equally as nice. I won't even elaborate on how my summer went, but I really register no complaints. I didn't travel the way I would have like to to and there were few special encounters with the sexy kind.LOL Nevertheless life is good and I register no complaints.

I will gather pictures from my summer and post them soon. School is back in session so you know a brotha is getting it in when and where he can. Holla at ya in minute.

Black Gay Pride 2011 and Summer 2011

2011-06-22T14:45:00.000-07:00

What's good? Just thought I should take a minute or two to update my blog being that I haven't had much to scribe about lately. Well yesterday summer officially began and you know I do love summer. It is off to a slow start; I have rekindled a friendship with the bitch that was causing so much drama in my life, but for now we are on the same page and have vowed not to allow the bullshit to interfere with our friendship (yeah right).

School is out and I have since taken on a summer job and I sort of like it, I'm working in customer services for a large company and the work is interesting to say the least however; I'm no stranger to customer services. One other teacher works with me and she is a shady character ( I'm sure her students are pleased that school is out). Of course there is a host of other characters that work there some temporary such as myself while others work there full time.

I didn't do Sizzle this year for a number of reasons, one no travel companion, two I didn't leave enough monies in my travel account to visit Miami for an extended period of time, but could have done a week. Three I wasn't really feeling the need to be around so many young folks although the eye candy is just that sweet (Cinnabon sweet). The most beautiful Black men around attend Sizzle.

Chances are I will run over to Chi-Town for the Black Gay Pride events next weekend. I understand that one of my favorite all time DJ's (Frankie Knuckles) will be performing next weekend at one of the events. I better shop for a pair of shoes that will allow me to dance all night, in fact I might spring for a pair of Rantus Men's Flats (Christian Louboutin), Shyte! Now you know a brother can't afford or would not be purchasing such a shoe. They did look good on Keyon's feet the other day when he stopped by on Father's day, he was in town just because.

Hey if you guys want a good book to read this summer check out Morei Robinson's book (Deep Dark Secrets), great summer read. Also check out L.M. Ross's book (Manhood) this too will make for a great summer read. Enjoy your summer, be safe and have fun.

30 Years and Still No Cure.

2011-06-08T16:42:00.000-07:00

I think about all the friends I've lost in the past thirty years or so to HIV and it saddens me to think of all the great people we've lost to HIV/AIDS. The world has lost so many great people to HIV/AIDS. I know that so many of those that have gone on had much to offer to the world. In the past thirty years we have lost friends, brothas, sistahs, artist, musicans, designers, models, educators and people from all walks of life.

I'd like to take this time to pay tribute to people that I have lost to HIV/AIDS. Life just hasn't been the same without these wonderful people around. I miss their laughs, wisdom, style, friendship and love.

Donald Jones
Fletcher Davis
Stephen Hall
Peter Dunn
Keith McDaniels
Reginald Edwards
Tony Clayton
Michael Ray
The clubs Kidz: Tyrone, Harold, Gus, Ceasar, Casey and Tosha,

There's an App for That

2011-04-22T20:56:00.000-07:00

Most of us have been privy to those commercials indicating "There's an App for That." The commercial is in reference to iphones and ipads mostly Apple Products. Well I wish there were an app for screening potential dates,bad co-workers,neighbors from hell, students that cheat on test and an app for detecting capricious friends. I guess it is obvious that I'm experiencing problems with dating, co-workers, students and a person I thought of as a friend. Of course I could use other measures, but it would be nice if there was an app for these task.

Stagnation

2011-03-16T16:00:00.000-07:00

The past few weeks have been stressed to say the least; not sure how many of you have been tuning into the situation here in Wisconsin, but trust it isn't a pretty picture. The new Governor here has been on a rampage since day one and now he has stripped us collective bargaining rights (mostly State employees), has instilled higher cost for health care and has hijacked our pensions. These changes will affect every household in Wisconsin with the exception of the filthy rich, and sooner or later they too may feel a pinch. City, State and all union folk will feel this crunch.

The school system is surely going to suffer even that of the University of Wisconsin, tenure will no longer mean shit to us in the teaching arena, now we really have to prove ourselves and our promotion and raises will be based primarily on our performance in the classroom. Not really a bad idea many of us lack what it takes and this way those that deserve higher pay and merit will be given it based on test scores of their students and their progress.

Okay enough about that I've been active in the protest and now I just want to move on and try and figure out what to do next. I'm once again entertaining the thought of heading to Miami for Sizzle this coming May; would somebody please put it in my head that "I'm to damn old to be running behind all those hot young bodies at Sizzle." I really should be using that time to search for employment in another State.

Union Busting

2011-02-17T12:19:00.001-08:00

This is not the post I had intended to blog about my intentions were to post only Black History events and things of that nature during Black History Month, but the shit has hit the fan here in Wisconsin. I will make this quick being that I'm suppose to be sitting in my classroom even though there are no students in attendance. The Governor of this state has issue a Budget Repair Bill and this shit includes busting up unions including the Teacher's Union (I'm a current member). The man has casted a personal attack on all workers in this state he is trying to eliminate the rights of public workers.

The photo above is what the Capitol Rotunda has looked like for the past three days. Schools have been closed due to the fact that teachers including myself called in sick yesterday and some today. I was sick yesterday I had Futuritis ( I could not commit to the bullshit the Governors Budget Repair Kit offered) so I called in sick and hit the protest lines out front of the Capitol.

Primarily his plans would bust up unions, cost all of us more for health care and we would have to contribute more to our pensions. This will not work for many of us being that we are at our personal budget limits already, hell I don't make any money as it is and if it weren't for some of the benefits I would rather pan handle because it has got to be more profitable than my teaching income minus the rewards of teaching. I need to have collective bargaining and the students need to have the best teachers available, but he doesn't seem to recognize the importance. The man has threatened to call in the National Guards if State, County and Municipal decided to strike. I've got my picket sign and I'm ready to go!

Denied the Privilege

2011-02-05T16:08:00.000-08:00

I would like to take this opportunity to reflect on the past and look forward to the future, this being Black History Month many of us tend to forget or have placed the memory of the struggles our families had to endure to get us to where we are today; talk about blood, sweat and tears. We've come along way and have much to be proud of and much to be thankful for today, tomorrow and always.

During the month of February take sometime to read; do you know that there was a time when we were not allowed to read? Yes there was time when this type of activity could have cost our people their lives. Take sometime and checkout some of the older works and most certainly check out some of our newer writers/authors. Be it fiction, non fiction, bios, history or just a periodical find something to read and enjoy. I've taken the liberty to list a few of my favorites from the past and at present.

Fiction:They Tell Me of a Home (Daniel Black)
The Longest Moan (L.M. Ross)
Non Fiction: Ailey Spirit(Robert Tracy)
Civil Rights: Roaming in the Master's House: Power and Privilege in the Rise of Black Conservatism
Bio: Foxy (Pam Grier)
There is a host of arts, entertainment and various other great things to read about Black History so indulge.

Somewhere in my lifetime

2011-01-15T11:36:00.000-08:00

Today I celebrate the day of my birth along with that of: Dr. Martin Luther King Jr, today he would have been eighty two years old. I won't say how old I turned today, but lets just say I'm about ten years older than the game of UNO and about fifteen years younger than Ebony magazine;then again at my age whom can remember? I don't have a problem growing older because my heart still feels young and very often my mind is the immature one in this matter so staying young at heart has been good to me, now it would be nice if I didn't find gray hair in unmentionable places and not to mention I shave my head on a regular basis to keep the gray from showing, although I do like the salt and pepper look on some men it just doesn't work well on me, but if it did I would wear it proudly.

I have no big or small plans for today in fact I have some reading to do and a few chores around the house that needs to be taken care of then and only then will I venture out to the club with the fellas for a beer or two. I intend on treating myself to a nice gift, but thought Visa might want a payment first before I go charging large items to their card.

New Beginnings

2011-01-03T13:58:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year,

I certainly hope that all is well with you and that you enjoyed a safe and festive holiday season. I register no complaints, I'm truly blessed and I did enjoy a good holiday with friends however; New Years Eve left a lot to be desired, I didn't do the club thing per sa, but instead got together with some friends and associates to welcome in the new year. Of course these folks were not my regular hangout crew or clique, but mutual friends or whathaveyou. The night started out fine, everyone was cordial and enjoying the music and mild weather, yes it was forty four degrees outside that evening, but the temps dropped rapidly thereafter, and in Wisconsin by this time the snow is deep or the temps are extremely cold so the warm weather preceded the cold freezing temps was a delight for us.

On the inside the milieu changed just as rapidly as the weather outside, it appears that the alcohol wanted to have it's say before the new year came in and yes it had much to say. I recall a relative of mine's saying years ago "a drunk will speak a sober mind." I didn't take heed at that time, but I totally understand that statement today. The drunk/inebriated let loose up in that piece on New Years Eve, folks started reading each other from Amazing Grace to How Sweet it Was, then there was one brotha whom I give credit to for bringing some warmth back into the place, he started singing Auld Lang Syne all while sipping his champagne and hundred proof vodka. He drank so fast he litterally set off a smoke detector or alarm then we all broke out in laughter then the crying took place and the "I love youuuus." he was shooting flames out his mouth and a pungent scent that could knock you down if you got to close, he wanted to be hugging and kissing folks and at that time I took stage left...gotta go.

Generally I tend to fear new beginnings, but as I mature I relish the thought and idea of new beginnings. 2010 wasn't my best year and far from my worst, but I anticipate making 2011 a very good year. I don't do the resolution thing anymore (I just set myself up for disappointment) instead I work towards goals and do my best to attain those goals, I don't give up anything just alter or try and refrain from cerain things that could hinder my progress. The jury is still out on the diet and workout verdict. I guess I kinda still have resolutions in place.

"Take the first step in faith, you don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step." Martin Luther King, Jr.

Happy Holidays from Chet

2010-12-22T13:21:00.000-08:00

I would like to take this opportunity to wish you and yours a very Happy Holiday Season, may your holidays be safe and festive. I don't have any big plans this year there are to many uncertainties in my life right now to really get in the holiday mode, but I have decided to spend Christmas eve and Christmas with friends then just relax with for the next week maybe catch up on my reading and some task that require my immediate attention.

Have a joyous and safe holiday and keep in mind the reason for the season.

The Snow is Coming

2010-12-03T18:39:00.000-08:00

Finally the snow has arrived here in the Midwest, but no major accumulation as of yet. Yes the snow has arrived and I cringe at the thought of having to leave the house and deal with the mess snow creates. I guess I wouldn't be so bitter if I had someone to snuggle up with during cold and snowy days and evenings. I do like snow around and on Christmas, but could do without that snow and cold any other time. Generally we would have had a great deal of snow by this time however; I'm sure we'll see plenty between now and the month of March.

No big plans for the weekend with the exception of a brunch that I've been invited to attend and you know a brotha loves free good food. LMAO. Have a good weekend and stay warm.

We Remember

2010-11-29T20:00:00.000-08:00

Here it is some twenty five years later actually more like twenty eight years past and the fight continues. I can remember the first time I heard of the disease it must have been the summer of eighty two, most of us didn't pay much attention to the threat since we were under the impression that it wasn't in the Black community, little did we know that it was there just silent and swept under the rug.

Today we all know personally of someone that is HIV+ or that has lost his/her life to AIDS. During the years I have lost friends to AIDS and related complexes, it is a hard pill to swallow being that I was right out there with the rest of them partying and having unprotected sex back in the day, but I've been spared and sometimes it doesn't seem fair. I've lost one of my very best friends to AIDS (Donald) he didn't drink, smoke or use drugs. He loved to party and lived for the party, he got his life from dressing well, shopping and traveling not to mention the clubs. Donald loved his family and friends. I truly miss my running buddy, no more shopping the racks at Saks with him or clubbing across the country together, I'm sure he is resting peacefully knowing that he left his mark and contribution.

Today is World AIDS Day and I would like to take a moment and reflect on how far medicine, education and prevention has helped to battle the disease. Let us continue to educate and support our brother man. Some remarkable accomplishments have been made in the quality of life for those living with HIV it is much better from what it was just a few short years ago, but the fight isn't over. The stigma associated with HIV/AIDS still keeps some from being tested or disclosing their status once they have been tested. Stay safe and remember knowledge is power and we must continue to arm ourselves with education and pass that knowledge on to our young folks, they seem to think that they are exempt.

In Memory of: Stephen Douglas Hall, Keith McDaniel, Alvin Ailey, Reginald Edwards, Peter D. Dunn, Michael Raye, Fletcher Davis, Donald Jones, Curtis Rucker, Gus, Quinten, Harold Longly, Tony Clayton, Tosha Thomas and Casey

To those living with HIV/AIDS continue to be strong and take good care of yourselves.

If you haven't been tested get tested and if you are sexually active by all means get tested. Know your status. http://www.cdc.gov for more information.

Happy Thanksgiving to You and Yours

2010-11-23T22:23:00.000-08:00

Yesteday afternoon I took the liberty to stop by the market to pick up a few items being that the ex called and wants to spend Thanksgiving together. I was planning on visiting with family, but decided to see just whats on the ex's mind. I assured the family that I will see them during the Yuletide Season. I stop by the market to pick up a couple of Cornish hens and some trimmings, less than fifteen items so that I could get in and out through the express lane, but oh no a woman in front of me suddenly forgot how to count, I counted at least twenty two items, but she didn't give no fu*k. So I took out me phone and started taking pictures of her and her food items and the sign that plainly indicated "15 items or less." Why couldn't gurlfriend just go through the regular line? Holidays brings out the good and bad in all of us. LMAO

I would like to take this opportunity to wish and yours a very Happy Thanksgiving. Just like you I have much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving although, it has been a rough year for the boi yet I'm very grateful. During the holiday I will give thanks for my many blessings. Enjoy your holiday.

Veteran's Day

2010-11-11T12:09:00.000-08:00

Remembering those whom gave their lives beneath our flag, in service of our freedom. And to those men and women still fighting, we owe a special thanks. Let us not forget those families that have lost or has a loved one currently serving or enlisted in the arm services for their courageous efforts and allegiance.

Perplexed

2010-11-07T18:06:00.000-08:00

The past couple of weeks have been very puzzling for me. I've searched my mind and heart for answers, but to no avail. I don't know what it is, really. I don't know if I'm lonely, bored or incomplete. Work has been plentiful and rewarding, my social life well it is almost non-existing and intimacy is sho nuff absent in this brotha's life, hell I should at least buy my left hand a nice diamond ring since we have become so close. LMAO.

I'm so looking forward to the Thanksgiving holiday. I just adore my family no matter how dysfunctional we may be, family is important and instrumental to our spiritual growth. So lets just say my bags are packed and in the words of Wanda (from In Living Color) "I'm ready to go."

I wish that I could report that my workouts are going well, but I have had an irregular schedule the past two weeks and of course I took that opportunity to slack. I guess I'll try and maintain a workout regimen after the Thanksgiving holiday. I have at least regulated my diet and refrained from certain pleasure foods.

I was going to elaborate on last weeks Elections, but no need in raising my blood pressure or anyone else for that matter.

A chill in the Air

2010-10-03T20:26:00.000-07:00

The past week has been busy for me in fact very busy. I was afforded the opportunity to hear President Obama speak on campus (UW-Madison). He was here on Tuesday September 28, 2010 he spoke to a crowd of approximately 19,000 and an additional 7,000 along side Langdon Street, State and University Ave. The speech took place on Memorial Union Library Mall. This was an historic event being that no sitting president has spoken on campus in sixty years (Harry S. Truman 1950). President Obama's visit will not soon be forgotten.

On a sadder note earlier that day I had to attend the funeral services for a neighbor, she was a young lady that was always so very friendly whenever I came in or out of the lobby. I was surprised how many of the other tenants in the building attended the funeral. The sistah was only forty eight years old and had a series of health problems. The lobby isn't the same without her smiling face to greet guest and residents.

The weekend was busy too, had to run north for a training session. I actually met some interesting people. I enjoyed one brotha in particular, he was a great deal of fun and knew his shyte. We went out for drinks Saturday after the meeting and when he hit that dance floor I got my life, I think the women were a bit disappointed that he was dancing along side me instead of them, but there was nothing gay about ole boi just a live wire.

Julian Jumpin Perez Ultimate Master Mix Vol 2 Jamn Side

2010-10-02T12:12:00.000-07:00

Flashback from the past. Have a good weekend. BTW I was a Househead!

Leaves of Autum

2010-09-26T19:54:00.000-07:00

Sitting here trying to decide if I should turn my heat on in my apartment. The weather has changed here in the Midwest and I'm one brotha that isn't prepared for this Fall weather and the quick season change. I can't really complain the past few weeks have been productive for the most part, I've had a steady teaching assignment and paycheck so all is well. What is missing is a steady partner, but I've been single so long that I'm really starting to accept the fact that maybe it is just meant for me to be single.

Spent most of the weekend reading and attending to chores, even tuned into some television. I was suppose to attend a college football game on Saturday, but opted out instead I ventured to the mall and I totally enjoyed it, not so much the shopping, but the people watching was wonderful. I did find a few items on sale mostly things for my winter cruise (yeah right, I'm going on a cruise alone). I'm anticipating getting away to someplace warm during my winter vacation.

Once again I'm setting out to get my body in shape (yeah, imagine that), I have dusted off my workout DVDs and books. I would love to have a body that favors that of Terrell Owens. I'm going to try for the next six weeks to eat right and workout. Guess I'll have to give up the beer... not! I will limit my beer intake.

Summer is almost gone

2010-09-01T21:23:00.001-07:00

Many years ago there was a song with the title "Summer is almost gone." I don't remember the lyrics if in fact I've ever known them, but for some odd reason or other the title came to mind as well as the thought that summer is almost over. It seems like just yesterday I was putting away my winter gear, now you know we have long winters here in the Midwest, so the seasons change rapidly.

I'm a tad bit disappointed being that I didn't do many of the things I had set out to do this summer and now the summer is coming to a close... oh well. School starts this week and your boi is no more than a damn substitute teacher until further notice. Don't get me wrong I do enjoy teaching at most any level, but teaching on the secondary level can be problematic to say the least.

Not sure just how to spend the Labor Day Weekend and offically bring the summer to a close. The family is getting together, but I'm not sure about another trip south. I suppose I could hang out with my good gurlfriend and do the casino, maybe this time I'll actually win something. My buddy Jeff will be in town with his significant other, been a minute since we've hung out so maybe I'll just hang out with him and his lover.

Have a safe and enjoyable Labor Day Weekend.

Out Here On My Own

2010-08-09T13:40:00.000-07:00

Hard to believe that we are nearing yet another season, here it is August and summer is just about gone. I can't say that this has been yet another cruel cruel summer; no not really I can't complain I have had a good summer for the most part, of course it could have been better, but such is life.

One thing for certain and two things for sure I learned a great deal about myself my strength and weakness, and I'm pleased to say that I'm truly blessed because the ole boi is well balanced mentally, spiritually and well not so much physically, but never the less balanced as a man. I had been having many doubts about myself, but after a little soul searching I found me hiding behind my own shadow. My emotional and mental health had been placed in harm's way after dealing with that double crossing muthafucka I used to socialize with and considered a friend, but I thought about what I'd read somewhere about friends being like leaves, you have the leaves who are so easily torn off and fade away as the seasons change, then there are the branches that seem to stay strong, but with enough pressure will break and fall to the ground then of course there are the roots which are the true essence of our being, these are the people that help you to grown and stay with you through out life.

Summer school let out this past Friday and school will soon be back in session. No job offerings as of yet, but then there is always the possibility of being a substitute teacher (hell to the no), I suppose a job is better than no job in these trying times and economy, maybe this time I will not get stuck with an eighth grade class performing I Sing the Body Electric as their class song for assembly especially since I'm not a music teacher. I must admit that class did an expectational job with the song in the absence of their regular teacher, so maybe I wasn't so bad as a sub.

I give up on finding Mister, he just doesn't exist not in my world anyway, I guess I'll become an old settler. LOL More like a spinster.

Reflecting

2010-07-24T13:54:00.000-07:00

I have spent the last couple of days reflecting and or reminiscing about when I considered my life to have been so much simplier; I suppose change doesn't come easy with me, but one thing for certain change it is inevitable. as of late I have not been myself, I'm going through some sort of change and it doesn't scare me much, because I know that it will make me a stronger/better person. I was dealing with a bout of depression a couple of weeks ago, but that depression has since subsided.

The other night I found myself in tears and I still don't know why, it could have been all the love I saw being displayed in the movie I was watching, or the music I was playing in the background while checking papers, the song was "I want to run to you." I have no idea why I was playing that song and a host of other sad songs; I generally play music that is upbeat.For some odd reason I just let the flood gates open when the song got to the part about "Each day I play the role of someone always in control, but at night I come home and turn the key there's nobody there no one cares for me." I just lost it, and that wasn't a pretty picture to see a man my age break down, I'm sure my neighbors heard me after all, I was in my living room and the balcony door was open, oh well.

Today has been a much better day, I found an ole friend on Facebook, now I have to decide if I want to actually contact him, not sure what to say. Guess I could inquire how his life has been since that morning he left me sitting at the breakfast table in Chicago. He had grown angry because of my best friend at the time Donald was acting a fool and I was wasted for the most part and firting with lawd knows who, but I had no idea that he had feelings for me, yes we had did the damn thing before, but never thought much of it after that, just sex. Well I found his profile on Facebook and he is just as beautiful as I remember him. Should I request him as a friend or just leave well enough alone?

Mixed Emotions

2010-07-10T17:34:00.000-07:00

For the past few days I have been suffering with what I consider a mild case of depression. I have so much on my plate right now; my contract expired July 1, 2010 and it doesn't appear that I will be part of the 2010-2011 budget, my position amongst others phased out. I was expecting that, but the idea of taking another job that I'm less than enthusiastic about or relocating makes me worry. On the other hand I still have much to be happy about.

I did enjoy a good 4th of July weekend, a friend came in from Chicago and we had a good time, bar hopping and visiting with friends. It is really nice to be around real friends and not the brothas here in this town that I thought were friends. I'm pleased that summer school is out in a few weeks.

Speaking of my depression, I have spoken with someone in reference to it, and she indicated that "I'm not suffering from depression but anxiety." She said "With all that has transpired in the past few months you feel at a lost." I asked her what she meant in reference to a lost. She went on to explain that job, the lost of what I thought was a friend ended up being a foe and anticipating change were the reasons for my anxiety. Good thing I only had to pay a co-pay, can't understand why she gets paid to mis diagnose. I was depressed and was prepared to face it without shame. No medication just therapy in which; I'm seeking from the same therapist the school uses for staff.

Feeling much better this weekend, and I'm pleased that the low feelings only lasted a few days, now I can move on with my life. I'm happy to have had such a supportive group of friends that were just a phone call away. Happy to be attending the Art Fair this weekend and might even do some shopping.

He Caught Me

2010-06-28T19:56:00.000-07:00

What's good? Just thought I should take a minute or two to update my blog, actually there isn't much happening or has transpired since my last entry. No word on if my contract will be renewed so in the interim I'm searching for another job, the pickings are slim to none, but it is to be expected with the current economy. I'm somewhat prepared to relocate if necessary, I'll make my decision by July 15, 2010. Not else much is happening with a brotha, still looking for love in all the wrong places.

This past week was a hoot I allowed my stalker (Jerome) to catch up with me, in fact I thought by now he would have been over me, but he kept trying, and he finally caught me off guard. Well things didn't go down has he may have wanted them too, but he did try to suck my dick, but I was a bit to nervous to give him the hard dick he desired, shyte he had me on tremble and that is not at all me, shyte all it takes most times is a touch and your wish is my command.

I managed to get him to leave my apartment so that I could finish dinner and prepare for an event I had to attend later that evening. He gave me what was actually a very passionate kiss, gotta admit I like kissing him, and I'm not much of a kisser. He offered to cook dinner for me the following day, and I accepted, but when I arrived at his apartment I found him entertaining others and the meal was not yet prepared, so I exited stage left, by making an excuse that I would be back... good luck! I haven't seen him since and he lives right near my high rise.

Not sure if I want to try it again or not, I'm not looking for a relationship with him, but he is the kinda brotha you hit it and have no attachment to him emotionally. There is one problem he is friends with my nemesis Michael. Oh well I'll give it some more thought, being that he is close by and can suck this dick on a moments notice. BTW the picture was borrowed from another blogger.

Pride 2010

2010-06-12T21:15:00.000-07:00

I'm home after two weeks in the Dirty South, yes your boi did the South. Spent only one day at Sizzle (The Booze Cruise) on the Friday prior to Memorial Day, interesting to say the least, but such a young crowd, I was truly out of place. Then it was on to Ark, Tenn and Missouri. Debbie is upset I didn't stop in Atlanta, but as I explained to her "I was just out and about, no destination in mind." I just needed to get away for a minute.

It's June so you know what that means... Pride Month. Every year I say that I'm going to celebrate my pride, but usually end up questioning what gay pride is all about, really. Pride should reflect more than just a few parties, half naked men, and a host of one night stands; now don't get me wrong those things are important too, but one should really reflect on the struggle we've had to face in hopes of seeking equality and respect.

Not exactly sure what events I will attend if any. Tonight in Milwaukee the party features Patti Labelle, as much as I would have like to have attended and spend some time with Tony, I decided to stay home and chill. Next month Chicago will kick off Black Gay Pride during the 4Th of July weekend. More than likely I will attend that event unless of course I head to Houston for the festivities.

Tell me what does Pride mean to you, and how will you be celebrating your pride?

Enjoy your Holiday Weekend

2010-05-27T11:22:00.000-07:00

Greetings,

Here's hoping that each of you have a safe and enjoyable Memorial Day Weekend. I will post pictures from my trip when I return. I will be reading your blogs from time to time while on vacation.

It's Finals

2010-05-07T21:05:00.000-07:00

The past week and a half I have been suffering from headaches which I'm sure is associated with stress. I never really realized how stressed out I've been lately, but with final exams, absence of good local gay friends, planning my summer and anticipating spending the summer alone has me stressed out. Actually I know the stress is primarily from long hours of studying and worry. I saw the eye doctor last week and ole boi will be wearing glasses soon, and I'm not looking forward to glasses, but I understand that I need them, I've worn them once before after straining my eyes, but thought I wouldn't need them again, oh well. The headaches were also associated with the need of glasses, the old man is vain. Maybe I'll do contacts in the near future.

Here it is May and I have yet to decide what to do for the Memorial Day weekend, I was thinking of Washington, DC or Chicago, but after thinking about it, I've decided not to do Washington, DC, but I may venture to Chicago. My family wants to get together, not sure if I'll visit with them being that I will see them at my niece's wedding later in the summer. This is when a lover or good friend would come into play, it would be nice to travel with a lover or good gay friend. George can't travel right now being that he just returned from a cruise. No I will not call Kewon, besides he's preparing for his next journey. Oh well maybe I'll meet somebody along the way.

When friends become foes

2010-04-14T16:19:00.000-07:00

Whats good? I'm not really feeling so good about myself or my actions right about now. This week has turned out to be a good and bad week and it is only Wednesday. I mentioned to you guys a few weeks back that I had to make a harsh decision and alleviate some friendships, well as you know I did just that, and for good cause. I would like to believe that it was best for all parties involved, but turns out that I really hurt and disappointed one of the brothas (Michael), see Michael and I were kinda close, but I didn't tell him to much because of his big mouth (he will tell it all in the name of love). I received two very disturbing emails from him this week, in one email he assured me that "he wish he never encountered me." The brotha is slandering me all over town. Oh well!

Long story short, I learned today that not only is he a recovering alcoholic, drug user and sex addict, but also his health has been compromised as a result, that would explain the haggard look and mental issues. Don't get me wrong the brotha is in school, working and doing good things in the community. I've had the opportunity to work with him on various projects, but a month ago he snapped at me for the third time and that was it, I don't tolerate bullshit from just anybody. We got along famously for a while, but I noticed how strange he was acting and always telling me something about one person or another. Now I find out that he is sick. I feel bad because I should have been nicer and maybe tried to be his friend, but he is so shady and not trust worthy I couldn't continue socializing with him. Now I feel sad because I may have ended the friendship without enough thought and soon he could be gone.

On a good note, I'm looking forward to doing some good works this summer even if I'm not chosen to go to Haiti with the group from Wisconsin. School ends next month and I will have the whole summer out! Not all that great, because I will still need to take on part time work. I've also got my eye on a real cutie!

I just don't know

2010-04-08T18:25:00.000-07:00

Here it is April already, Spring Break has come and gone and just today we had snow in Wisconsin and tomorrow we will be in the sixties. One would think that by now I would be used to the weather here in Wisconsin, but no I'm not. I have decided that upon graduation with another degree in hand I'm leaving. I'm at wits end with this town, really I think that it's because I haven't been able to secure the job I desire, good local friends ( I do have one good female friend), suitable housing and of course a beau. Don't get me wrong Milwaukee and Madison have ample opportunities for some people, but this brotha hasn't been all that lucky. I just miss the big city something awful.

Kewon has been offered a job out west (California) and I wish him the best, he really was hoping to go to Haiti for a few months to help out, but after school lets out for the summer he will head west to look for housing and maybe spend a month in Haiti. I have yet to get on board to volunteer for a project there, some of the educators and medical staff went down a few weeks ago, I had not been cleared as of yet, besides I have no idea where my damn passport is at, I have reason to believe it is in Kewon's personal possessions and has been in there since we split last year. No problem I will get another passport or retrieve the one at his apartment. Oh well.

The one morning that I get to sleep in late, my young neighbor and gurlfriend decides to wake me up fighting. I was able to go back to sleep a few minutes later then the brotha on the other side of my bedroom decides to stay home and entertain guest early in the morning; I generally don't complain, but as of late the brotha on the other side of my bedroom is getting on my reserved nerve. Damn high rise living and the thin walls. Tonight I'm going to play House Music then some Cher; I bet he won't appreciate that and the gurlfriend will scream because she will then suspect that I'm gay and she can't tolerate Black gay men. Where is my copy of" Carl Bean's I'm gay? Found it! They are going to have to call security on me tonight, hope the Black security guard is working tonight, he always enjoys Hennesey and Newports and I have some in my kitchen and I'll make sure he comes in and have a glass. I will make sure that the Outhere Brothers song is playing when he comes in, for those of you that are to young to know the Outhere Brother's song it is titled (I Wanna Fuck you in the Ass).

I suppose I really should be doing something constructive like studying or grading papers instead of getting back at my neighbor for his flagrant disregard for me this morning. has anyone gone to see Tyler Perry's newest movie yet? I was thinking of treating myself to a movie this weekend and I thought perhaps Tp's latest movie.

Spring Cleaning

2010-03-22T19:45:00.000-07:00

Spring has finally sprung and now is the perfect opportunity for me to spring clean. For the past couple of years I have held on to a some people and relationships that I should have long cleaned out of my life. I'm convinced that we sometimes outgrow friendships and it's sad to say I have outgrown a couple of friendships, in recent months these people have disrespected and totally disregarded our friendship. Change doesn't always come easy for me, but it is important that I clean the mental debris out of my life even if it means seeing a therapist to help me work through it, I plan on utilizing my insurance to talk with a therapist a few times in the next few weeks, just to help me work through this without holding grudges. I love my friends, but if they are unwilling or unable to respect me then "Good Bye, Adios, Arrivederci, Sayonara!"

The past couple of weeks have been busy, I made the trip to Milwaukee to talk with Kewon face to face and we are now on the same page, no more sex or moving in with each other, he didn't take it so well, but after dinner and some good conversation along the lakefront we agreed to move on. I was kinda looking forward to spending the Memorial Day weekend with him, but I know that wouldn't be good, so I'll find someone else to spend the Memorial Day weekend.

Part of my spring cleaning means changing my diet, exercising,redecorating my bedroom and other areas of the apartment,finding ways to make me happy and tightening my budget. I guess it all comes down to reinvention of self. Happy Spring!

2010-02-23T21:55:00.000-08:00

Whats good? Yes I've been missing in action for a minute simply because not much has been happening in my life and certainly not enough to scribe about. I was kinda dating Tony, but the distance between us started to wear on both of us, all that travelling up and down the highway and not to mention he lives right down the street from the school where Kewon teaches, yes I was spotted by Kewon one Friday afternoon as I was leaving the area. Kewon was heading to the parking lot of the school(across the street) and there I was sitting in my car awaiting the light to change. He noticed it was me and immediately got in the car with me, I drove a few blocks while we talked until I turned around to take him back to the school's parking to retrieve his vehicle. Long story short we ended up at a local hotel; Need I say more?

I feel like I cheated on Tony, but we were only dating with casual sex. Now Kewon is talking about coming back to Madison once the school year ends. I didn't tell him that I was thinking of relocating at the end of the school year too. I think he wants to move back in with me. The boi has to much baggage with him, and I'm no bellhop.

Happy Black History Month

2010-02-01T18:04:00.000-08:00

Happy Black History. My calendar is filled with events and activities to take place this month, I look forward to attending those events and partaking in the activities. The first event will be conducted by a friend whom is attending grad school, she will host an symposium on Black Health Issues. Later in the week I will visit a community center to see the display put up by a friend. Of course there are all sorts of events on campus and in the school system.

Not a great deal has transpired since my last entry, I'm no longer diligently searching for that special someone, although I'm enjoying the social networking via: cyberspace and of course Tony has been a comforting and entertaining companion. Sidebar: I met Tony online, and we hooked up. Get you mind out the gutter we are not fuckin like rabbits yet,(wink). We live about ninety miles from each other, but we see each other at least two days a week thus far.

2010-01-21T11:41:00.000-08:00

I'm convinced that I will be waiting and or anticipating for the remainder of the year, as I stated in an earlier blog, "I was waiting when the new year came in", and I'm still waiting for whatever reasons. I have had to wait for this and wait for that, and now I'm convinced that what it is you're doing when the new year comes in you'll continue to do the rest of the year. I hope I'm incorrect on this one, but so far it hasn't proven me wrong. The picture above gives me strength and patience along with my higher power, the brothas and sistahs in the picture are waiting and anticipating for a verdict Brown vs. The Board of Education, and the outcome made history, so if they had no problem waiting; why should I?

I suppose I really have very little reason to complain, but it's human nature. I have had a very good week thus far with the exception of the long waits for this or that, in fact my week has been good thus far. I had a great birthday, I celebrated it with friends and I received some nice gifts from the Diva. I received calls and cards from friends which is always nice, being that most times they don't even bother sending a card just text messages. Speaking of waiting, I could have waited a tad bit longer for this birthday, the birthdays are coming far to fast for the old man.

For the past couple of weeks I have been trying my hand at social networking and so far so good, although many of the kats are on bull shyte, but other than that there are a few good dudes floating around in Cyberspace. I invited one to come visit and he accepted, even drove seventy miles and didn't request gas money from me, but of course I offered. We spent the day after my birthday (Saturday) together and it was nice, very nice in fact. I have also been talking on the phone with a brotha that seems to be bout it bout it! Maybe just maybe I'llhave my very own Valentine by 2/14/2010 yeah right, on second thought it's quite possible.

Of course nothing goes as planned, I did share my telephone number with a brotha that apparently gets hook-ups all the time, because during our conversation he not only called me by the wrong name, he went on to give details of our last encounter sexual encounter that is, when in fact I had never met him, been with him. He had forgotten who he was talking to being that he gets calls and hook-ups all the time. Still don't know what his arse does for a living, probably runs a brothel.

Waiting Mode

2010-01-12T18:04:00.000-08:00

I'm not a big fan of: the ole saying " That whatever it is you're doing when the new year comes in, you'll be doing the remainder of the year." But, so far it is becoming true in my situation. Long story short; I was in line awaiting entrance into the club when the new year arrived. Here it is almost two weeks into the new year and I'm still in waiting mode. I feel like I'm a mannequin, life moving right past me while I await the window dresser to remove me from the window display. I have done nothing but wait in lines be it at school, the store and even to get into my apartment, yes I had to wait damn near twenty four hours to get into my apartment through maintenance, being that six of the doors on my floor had been tampered with by some unknown muthafucka, the locks were jammed and it was the night of a snow storm, and service was at a halt.

I don't mind waiting in line for a concert, a flight or even my favorite eatery, but lately everywhere I've been in the past week and a half I have had to wait for long or unusual amounts of time. I was convinced that the ole saying rang true when I had to wait to get into my own apartment after my key wouldn't work, good thing the young man next door and his girlfriend was there to keep me company in the lobby, they too were locked out. The waiting game continues, today the bus was late(wait), bank computer down (wait), items that were to be delivered today didn't show (wait) and now my Internet is running slow once again I wait. So if I don't post anytime soon probably means I'm waiting.

Two Thousand Ten or Twenty Ten

2010-01-02T14:53:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year Fellow Bloggers;

I certainly hope that each of you brought in the new year in your own special way. I decided to go out New Year's Eve and to my dismay it was not at all as festive as I had anticipated, or that of yesteryear. The club was packed in fact it took more than an hour to gain entry; apparently the club was at capaciity so those of us in line had to await patrons to leave before we could gain entry.

I was standing in line when the new year rang in, yes standing in line with a large group of other party goers even the rich kids had to stand in line, no party goer was exempt. Being that we had all realized that time did not permit for us to make it to other clubs before midnight, instead we partied in the line and vestibule. Most of us made it in about twelve thirty only to stand in yet another line (coat check), and yes we all had coats it was below zero degrees that night.

I haven't made any New Year's Resolutions as of yet, I always allow a couple of days into the new year before making any resolutions. I'm in dire need of a good workout plan, diet, friendships with solid meaning, better study habits and career advancement. These will all be part of this year's resolution.

Closing out another year.

2009-12-27T15:02:00.000-08:00

Happy Holidays, I hope that your holidays are filled with joy and laughter, good tidings, friends and family not to mention good food. I spent Christmas at home this year and I must say " it was nice." I received a few gifts from close friends and family and most importantly the gift of friendship from you. I even prepared my own meal this year, yeah I know my way around the kitchen; I didn't want to the traditional meal that would have been to much, especially since it was only going to be me and maybe a friend or two, no Kewon didn't come for Christmas. i prepared a few capones, mac & cheese, yams, green beans, ham and rolls. oh yeah Strawberry Cheesecake (I bought it prepared.

I got my shopping done in record time, two days before Christmas. I shipped everything next day and it never fails Debbie never gets her gift on time, I don't know what it is about the mail in Atlanta. I must admit I truly enjoyed the mall this year, I saw so many phine brothas that I would have loved to place under my tree or on to of it, but being that I figured I'd been nice thus far there was no reason to become naughty.

2009 has brought many changes for me and I have been dealing with a little grief about some of the things in my life I felt needed to be changed, I found new friends and lost old ones, I guess you could say the new word for the year was "unfriend." I had to cut a few friends from my life, they just haven't been worth the trouble of keeping as friends, even with our long history. To make matters worst I have decided to add another old friend on the list, he has proven to be a thorn in my side, I have known him since college on and off, but the brotha is not right. I sent him a Christmas card and he didn't have the decency to send me one, and at that point I knew I wanted no further parts of him. now don't get me wrong I did not unfriend him because of the Xmas card, many people don't send cards that isn't a problem at all, it is just that he didn't even call to say " Happy Holidays," he only wants to talk and be bothered when his shyte isn't right, or to bring gloom to someone Else's life, so the card made it easy for me to unfriend his black arse.

Haven't decided what or where I may go on New Year's Eve, but I would like to party and maybe even take someone home with me, you know what that would mean... "I would have them all year long." Yeah right! Have a great remainder of the holiday season and a wonderful New Year!

St.Louis isn't for Lovers

2009-12-06T20:15:00.000-08:00

Heres hoping that everyone enjoyed Thanksgiving. I took the time off to visit with family in St. Louis, I really had a good time, I enjoyed great food and lots of drinking. No family gatherings is without drama, and my family is no exception. During the six days I spent with family much transpired, more than I bargined for, but I survived.

I won't go into deep details, but there was a couple of family members that decided that their uncle (me) needed a date so they arranged for me to meet one of their friends, now keep in mind I have not discussed my sexual orientation with the young folks although they have an idea and may even know, but they have no clue what I like, but they recall my aunt Essie talking about Kewon so they decided to put two and two together.

I agreed to go out to a STR8 bar with them although it was against my better judgement, but went anyway. I enjoyed the crowd, music and food (yes there was food at the bar). I guess we had been there for appromiately an hour when my blind date arrived. The brotha was about six three, dark and good looking,but older than I had expected and he has a lover whom was in attendance so things went crazy.

After that night's fiasco, I decided no more hookups, so I ventured out on my own to a gay bar, it just wasn't for me to meet anyone, but of course I found the worst of the worst. I met a brotha that was handsome and appeared to be nice, but boi was I wrong, he was a drunk, got naked and had no place to go after the club closed so I was stuck with him, I had to find him accommodations for the night, so I took him to my folks house and he was good until we got in the bed to go to sleep, he wanted to fuck and I wasn't with that right then besides I didn't even know him, but took a chance being that my nephew is a cop and was in the next room.

The brotha cussed me out then demanded some dick, so I allowed him to give me some head then he wants more, by this time everybody is awaken, but I make quick excuses and they go back to bed, we finish and he falls asleep, the following morning he apologized after I told him about his actions. He has been calling me but I can't bring myself to accept his calls. My niece knows him and says that he is a good dude he just starting drinking and can't handle it. Damn! Oh yeah he gives good head.

I Need to Start Over!

2009-11-08T16:53:00.000-08:00

I have been missing in action for past few weeks, and for no good reason. The past few weeks have been the pits, it truly sucks to be sometimes. In the past few weeks I have made some very serious decisions about my life. I have diligently tried to be a good friend and good family member, but as Rodney Dangerfield would say "I get no respect." I try very hard to be a good friend to those I befriend, but some people make it hard to maintain certain friendships. I made the decision to terminate three friendships recently. It saddens me to have walked away from those friendships, but one of them was toxic very toxic and it was beginning to trickle down on the other two people. I generally don't give up so easily, but this time I weighed the options and it just isn't worth the effort to maintain these toxic friendships. Well I can't cry today maybe tomorrow.

On a happier note; I'm busy with school, it's quite challenging and rewarding. I've gone on a couple of dates over the past couple of weeks and it is apparent folks don't believe in romance anymore; it is just sex and party. I folded, and I'm learning to accept the fact that "I'm going to remain single for the remainder of my life." One brotha, I dated was so nice, but he was a whore in a major way. The other brotha, I dated was not only short of the stick, but personality as well. That's it "I'm ghost on the dating scene."

The weather in the Midwest has been absolutely wonderful, allowing me the opportunity to get another glance at the brothas in shorts and sandals. Yes it has been seventy degrees the past few days, this is unusual this time of year, especially in Wisconsin. Has anybody been keeping up with The Amazing Race? I'm loving Flight Time and Big Easy, hope they win. Oh by the way the photo of the brotha with the tear in his eye isn't me, just thought it was the perfect pix for the post.

Long Road Ahead

2009-10-14T22:07:00.000-07:00

The Fall is swifting approaching here in the Midwest and I'm not at all prepared. It has been so cold here the past few nights that I have refrained from going out at night unless I had no other choice with the exception of the night Michael, Austin and I went to the show on discount nite, we went to see District Nine, yeah it has been out for a minute but we hadn't seen it so we decided to take in the movie. It was certainly entertaining.

I wish that I was writing about a new love or at least a love interest but to no avail. I can't seem to find a partner no matter where I search and I made a bet with friends that by Halloween I would have a partner, yeah right probably Freddie Kruger himself. I was talking to one brotha but damn these brothas have so much damn baggage with them. I suppose I will be spending the winter alone including the holidays.

2009-10-01T20:43:00.000-07:00

The past couple of weeks have been one hellava ride, first it was school I couldn't seem to please my professor with my assignments then I discovered that my hours at work are being reduced (furlough) and lately I have been a bar fly. Nothing is working as I planned or anticipated. I told you guys about my stalker (Jerome) he went to far this past Monday, I met up with Michael at the bar for the after work set and to my surprise that damn Jerome was in the bar loud and over zealous. I was trying to be cordial, but he immediately started the freaky shyte and I wasn't with that at the moment anyway, but he continued to rub up against me and kept trying to kiss me all while reeking of some strong arse alcohol.

I kept my cool and enjoyed the conversations being brought my way while Jerome headed for the STR8 bar next door, I was so pleased that he had left, but of course he returned and drunker than before he even had the nerve to run the people I was talking with away. Michael and I had decided it was time to depart, but before we could Jerome was fighting some white man then Michael got into with some white queen in the bar by this time I'm done, but of course I had to break the shyte up. Michael went to chat with the owner while I had a much needed beer. Jerome was permitted to come back in and he was really on me, but I explained to him that I wasn't into him; why did I say that he went off!!! Then he apologized and even asked me to lend him twenty dollars, I gave him fifteen and left.

I get to my apartment building Michael pulls off I go through the lobby to get the elevator and wham Jerome is waiting for me talking about he is going to make me feel good by sucking my dick and letting me fuck him. Seriously I was tempted, but also leery apparently he purchased weed with the fifteen dollars and was horny. He grabbed my dick stared kissing me. The elevator door shut and I pushed the button for my floor and several other floors so that I could make my get-a-way and yes I got off on the fourth floor and hit the stairs I walked up the rest of the way and he didn't have a clue where I went because I pushed his asre to the back of the elevator before running off, yeah it wasn't a cool thing to do, but he is not the answer. No more going out until I regroup.

Closing of Summer

2009-09-14T16:49:00.000-07:00

The past couple of weeks much has transpired. In the past I have mentioned that Madison doesn't offer much for the African American Gay Male and that the African American Gay Community is lacking, well I am finding that they are here, but residing in their very personal cliques and closets. The past two weeks I have had the opportunity to meet a few, we all have a story to tell why we are here in Madison or what brought us to this city; for most of us it' our careers, education or family, as you know I came here with the intentions of gainful employment which had been good for me the past few years, but my social life and family life suffered as a result.

Last weekend I joined Michael and another guy on their Saturday bar stomp, we hit the bars and drank and to my surprise there were other Black gay men in attendance I think it was primarily due to the fact that the new and returning students were back in town for school and decided to check out the bars. Later that nite we hit the newest club a club that promises big city style partying and music and they didn't disappoint, the music was good the crowd was great and the staff was off the chain. There were male and female dancers bringing flava to the club.

Okay remember when I wished there were more Black/African American gay men here in Madison? All I can say is be careful what you wish for you might just get it I got more than I bargined for: I was introduced to some of the wildest gay men, horny and drunk. Now you know I love to flirt and be flirted with, but I could have done without all the drama this one brotha brought me, he followed me home and to my surprise he resides a block from my house and stated he was just awaiting the opportunity to get up with me, he stated that he knew that I was in the life, but I appeared to be stand offish, so when he saw me come into the club he knew it was on and that he wasn't sleeping alone that night. No I did not give in, I simply suggested that we exchange phone numbers and go from there, but my dick was hard and I was ready to fuck something, but instead pleasured myself. He is now stalking a brotha.

Jeff and Greg did Atlanta for the Labor Day weekend and had a blast, they didn't run into Kewon but no doubt he was running with his bois from North Carolina. I am pleased I stayed home being that the crowd is getting younger and younger every year, I have to accept the fact it is their turn. Well it is back to school and work.

A Decent Weekend

2009-08-23T20:13:00.000-07:00

What is with the customer service? I have been experiencing a few problems with being extended good customer service here at some of the local establishments like my local grocery store and businesses. This past weekend I decided to stop in the local market to purchase a few food items and such, upon approaching the check-out lane and paying for my items I patiently awaited the clerk to pack my items or at the very least inquire if I wanted paper or plastic instead she handed me my receipt and change then stated to assist the next customer in line. It was the other customer that inquired if she planned to bag my items since this wasn't a small purchase or a bag your items self serve, the clerk then turned to me and ask "do you want a bag?" I started to reply "No bitch I will carry all fifteen items in my hand and walk back to my apartment." I kept my cool.
It took everything in me not to read her arse, but instead I politely requested paper, she threw the items in the bag with attitude, I felt my last nerve being worked so I took the items out the bag and requested she repack them properly, she frowned and so did I, upon completion I requested she summon a manager so that I could register my complaint, he was no more than a kid himself and didn't have a clue how to treat a customer so I have forwarded a letter to the corporate office.

I did have a good weekend, it started out by hanging with the new group of gay men I met recently, they were very nice and the conversation was great, we laughed about all the shyte that takes place in this one horse town, later three of us decided to hit the bars (the college town, white bars), and it was nice, the music well not exactly my type of music, but yet okay. I drank to much and knew I had my limit when certain men started to look good, but I managed to go home alone not that I would have taken anyone home or followed anyone home at least not on the first night, then again if that tall dark brother with the attitude (str8) would have given up any energy I would taken him home, but he was chasing the women. Over all I had a good weekend.

Not a Hellva Summer

2009-08-12T18:08:00.000-07:00

I really don't know what to make of this summer it has been really strange. I really need to take the next couple of weeks and get-a-way from Mad-Town; perhaps I will go visit with family although most of my nephews, nieces,great nieces and nephews have returned either back to college or school. It would be nice to visit with my sister's and their families even with the kids away at school, we have all had a rough summer after that Burr Oak situation. Many friends have called to console me during these rough and uncertain times in fact it is like those family members buried or were buried at Burr Oak have died all over again.

My buddy Jeffrey has really proven to be a good friend he has been with me every step of the way even making the trips to Chicago with me to on the family burial plots and grave sites. he even has a family member or two in that cemetery. he's a strong brotha and a good friend.

Kewon is excited about returning back to work, it is hard to imagine this is his second year teaching, he seems to like his career very much. he invited me to join him in Atlanta for the Labor Day Weekend... Good Luck! No I will not be tagging behind his young arse I have excepted the fact that I need to catch up with my own crowd (older clique).

It is truly hectic here in Mad-Town the students are moving out and new ones moving in, yes this year I hope to see plenty men of color on campus especially since I will not only be working on campus, but also attending classes of my own. I have noticed that many men and women my age (no I am not that old) returning back to school be it graduate work or post graduate. It is a forever changing world.

Hell on Earth

2009-07-23T17:51:00.000-07:00

The past few weeks have been chaotic to say the least. I don't even know where to start, but I will start with the devastating news I received a couple of weeks ago shortly after the Fourth of July weekend; well it all started with a telephone call from a good friend in Chicago his name is George aka Billie Holiday (long story), well George inquiries if I have any family buried at the Burr Oak Cemetery in Alsip, Il right outside of Chicago? I stated "yes I have family buried there." Then he went on to say they have been robbing graves at the cemetery. I said "what the fuck?" Yes burial plots are being resold and the remains of the previous were throw in mass graves while workers profit from the resale of such plot. I damn near fainted, but was strong enough to get the necessary information and prepare for my trip to Chicago.

True enough more than three hundred plots had been resold and remains tossed into various mass graves within the cemetery. I immediately made the trip home to see what the hell was going on in that place, I arrived in Chicago made my way to the cemetery only to find hundreds of other people there diligently searching for grave markers, burial plots anything that would identify their love one's final resting place, but to mo avail for many. The cemetery records were in shambles grave marker/headstones missing and very few answers for many of us. What a nightmare!

I have been back to Chicago a number of times and have yet to find out if my family members graves have been disturbed, it is like those family members dying all over again, I have sought therapy to help me through this and thus far I am doing better and have since made peace with the people that are responsible for this horrible act it is obvious they are morally dead themselves. Earth has no sorrow that Heaven can not heal.

Moving on, I have had some good times in between all the madness,I finally made contact with five incredible African American gay men that are part of the community here in Mad-Town. they all appear to be very intelligent, friendly and open gay men. We plan to get together again soon and maybe hang out or have brunch at my apartment one weekend. No none of them are interested in me, but it would be nice being that I am attracted to one or two of them. Kewon has been a real gem, and Jeffrey always has a brotha's back, it was comforting to know someone cares. My friends have been real supportive these past few weeks I am truly blessed to have Jeffrey, Kewon, Ariel and George in my life.

Hit the road

2009-07-02T22:41:00.000-07:00

The past few weeks have been grueling, but nonetheless; rewarding. Finally the holiday (4Th of July) weekend is upon us and hopefully I can unwind and enjoy the weekend. I have not received one invitation to any bar-b-ques or gathering, but that's Madison for you. Jeffrey did invite me to join him in Chicago for Black Pride and Taste of Chicago, but I doubt if I attend either event, but then again I may leave out of here later today and do Chicago.

Kewon left earlier today for Chicago, he also invited me to tag along, yeah tag along being that he has some boyfriend with him, it's all good now that I am truly over his arse. I could really use this as a chance to spend time reading, writing and studying, but I feel the need to get my row out, yeah fuck something other than my hand and no doubt the sex will be jumping off in Chi-Town.

I will keep you posted if I go to Chi-Town, I know the clubs will be festive, not to mention Jackson Park, Hubbard Street and North Halsted Street. Okay maybe I will pack the LV and head that way unless of course the brotha I met a few days ago wants to hang out at my place then I will entertain at home this weekend. Have a great holiday weekend.

Happy Midwest Pride

2009-06-13T20:36:00.000-07:00

Happy Pride Month! I always become excited every year about this time as far back as I can remember, but the last couple of years haven't been at all what I'd expected in fact the Pride festivities were not what they had been in years past, the participation is low, some cities without any special events. Last year was the worst especially in Madison, but as I mentioned before the monies were misapproiated and the parties and parade lacked excitement. This year a special fund is being allotted, but no one is excited or concerned.

Milwaukee celebrates this weekend, Brandy performed tonight, Deborah Cox performs tomorrow at least this year Black performers are scheduled each night, along with a host of white entertainers Cyndi Lauper(yesterday) etc. I haven't seen any of the Black gay men from Madison here although I am certain some of them are here then again probably not, I am only here because of: Outreach work. No one seems to know when Chicago will celebrate or where in Chicago The Black Gay Pride celebrations will take place however; the Chicago Gay prade celebrations starts next week and the parade will be on 6/28/2009 it is usually festive for both communities during Pride week, so I may visit Chicago next week. Usually I skip this event to attend Black gay Pride the following week, but since there is so little information available I can't make plans to attend although Club Escape Chicago would be nice to visit anytime.

It's my Anniversary

2009-05-30T20:02:00.000-07:00

What's good Bloggers? I stepped off for a minute being that so much had transpired in my life recently that I hadn't had much of a opportunity or desire to blog during that time however; I have been reading your blogs. Curious has been travelling the globe, Fuzzy moved into his own place, Norris declares the single life might be for him (but we know better), X went MIA, Deewan is enjoying life, D Place continues to discover and to share his experience and view points with us, N2itall keeps us entertained with the videos, Troy and Hoodsworld provide us with our daily dose of: Eye Candy, not to mention all the other bloggers that allow us to explore their political views, relationships and by all means the Gaytekeeper keeping us on our toes.

It has been three years since I starte blogging, yes it's my third year anniversary. it all started during the summer of 2006, but since then I have been able to get to know some very incredible people and share a little of my daily life with these people, it has been truly like having a host of good friends. Thank you for the journey thus far it has been great and I look forward to another year blogging and getting to know each of you better.

Through the Years:

I have changed jobs or taken on additional employment
Found and lost love
Moved almost every year from one apartment to another
Lost friends and members of the Gay Community
Watched my 401K go straight to hell

What you didn't know about me:
I have a daily ritual which includes masturbation
I have necessary escapes; I travel to nearby cities every other weekend just because.
What I look for in a partner; tall men (after all I am 6'1),big feet (I have a foot fetish),pubic hair turns me on (another fetish), I am a hopeless romantic), I am impressed by men that can make me laugh, I am diligently looking for a partner.

I am known for: Loving to hard, and my forgiving and caring heart.
People love me for: my inspiration, big heart and forgiving nature.
I live for weekend get-a-ways and strong friendships.
I can not get enough of: strippers, I love the strippers.

Thank you for the memories, I look forward to yet another wonderful year of blogging.

The Single Path to Happiness

2009-05-06T20:43:00.000-07:00

What's good? I was sitting here in my living room chillin during the storm, the rain smells so good, and reminds me of my childhood, I used to love to play in the rain and when I became an adult I found myself enjoy walking in the rain especially with the significant other(Derrick) at the time, we would walk home from the neighborhood bar & grill just enjoying the down pour of the rain and our love for each other, those were the days.

The past couple of weeks have been good thus far, I only work part-time, which gives me the opportunity to do a few things I hadn't much of an opportunity to do when my schedule was full time. In the past two weeks I have had the opportunity to see the students perform Mac Beth, it was quite the experience. Sunday afternoon I attended The Madison Symphony Orchestra and I had almost forgotten how jubilant the sound produced by the orchestra sounds. I have taken myself to dinner at eateries other than fast food restaurants, shopped or mostly window shopped, but nevertheless spending time doing what I enjoy.

Jeffrey and I have been hanging out and chasing the few phine brothas roaming the campus, I have yet to come up with a winner, most have no interest being that it is finals and they are all excited about the new prospects that awaits them after graduation, besides Jeff and I are to old to be chasing them in the first damn place, Jeff is actually dating someone, but he needs validation from time to time. I have accepted the fact that I will probably be single for quite sometime, then again I have been getting some play from a couple of different dudes so there may be a chance after all, in fact one brotha is slightly older than myself, and very easy to talk with, he has history, but don't we all.

What a Differance a Day Makes

2009-04-18T21:29:00.000-07:00

What's good my fellow bloggers? Yeah this brotha has been absent for a minute, but I am back and I will update in a more timely manner fo sho. As I mentioned in an earlier blog many changes have transpired in my Life this includes career, friendships, housing and even my love life (if it can be called that). As you know I was placed on administrative leave with pay, that lasted all of six weeks before I was terminated, yes they kicked my arse to the curb, but for no good reason. I immediately withdrew the equivalent to six months salary to tide me over until something else comes along. I did find work shortly thereafter, but on a part-time basis. I may be only working and earning a fraction of what I used to earn, but at least the work is rewarding and could turn into a full-time position with the State Agency. I am content at this time being that part-time work allows me the opportunity to freelance, and work on another degree not to mention work on me as a whole.

I had prepared to relocate if the opportunity and employment presented itself, but Madison will remain my home for at least another year, I found a Downtown apartment, no more lease to own luxury condo, but a standard high rise apartment overlooking the city, but no lake view. Kewon has been very understanding and supportive during this transition, we are not fucking, but instead we are learning to be friends. Now on the other hand the Ex is back (not Kewon), but Mister. We had dealt for a few years, but he loved his drugs and alcohol more than he loved himself, he has been clean for years although I don't feel he is totally clean he reeked of blunt when he came to visit me recently, he is now a much better person and his company was greatly appreciated, we talked, did the damn thang and spent time getting to know each other again, but I truly believe that the past is the past and eventually you must let it go.

A couple of weeks ago I went to see Kalup Linzy and I was quite impressed, the show was good. Easter Brunch was very nice the Edgewater Hotel host the most elite crowd and the food was excellent. Mayhem Poets was a great performance very entertaining they nearly packed out the house at Overture.Three handsome, educated and talented young men. Okay let me close here so that I can read some of your blog entries.

Holla at ya in a minute

2009-03-27T19:59:00.000-07:00

What's Good? I have been so busy lately with all that has transpired in my life that I haven't had a chance to update my blog however; I will post soon, the post will reflect most everything including my visit from the ex which was really interesting, no it was not Ke. I have been checking your blogs out and it appears we all have man trouble. This Spring let's beat the odds and find the perfect mate.

Rhythm of Life

2009-02-22T16:20:00.000-08:00

How is it possible that at one moment everything in your world is perfect then all of a sudden nothing appears to be right? Change doesn't always come easy in fact it doesn't come easy at all, but I am a firm believer that no more than we can bear will be placed upon us. I have had the worst couple of months a man could imagine, but still I push on and try not to look back, because looking back one might go back.

I was placed on administrative leave (with pay) more than two weeks ago and this is not exactly a good feeling and I am beginning to think that I may be forced out once I do return, and there is no doubt I will be reassigned and that is fine with me I could use the change besides I have no interest working in the same department or with the personnel from my old division especially with my boss, he and I do not get along at all never had he has held a grudge against me from day one when he took my former boss's job, as you may remember my former boss and I were friends, he got caught up in that firing and hiring bullshit nearly a year ago, now it is round two!

I have been busy packing up the condo, good thing it was lease with option to buy otherwise a brotha would be stuck with it! The property market is not exactly blooming. I have decided to move into an apartment being that the memories in this place are to much to deal with on a daily basis, not to mention I am not very fond of: Madison and if it wasn't for my job I would have been gone. Of course a brotha has been searching for something different, remember about a year or so ago I spoke about returning to the classroom as a student not a teacher this may very well be the perfect opportunity.

I spoke with both Jeff and Ke about my situation and both are very supportive, in fact Ke cried over the phone two nights in a row (I was thinking to myself that he was crying simply because he can't get money from me to pay his bills anymore if I am not working) he was relived when I told him I still get my paycheck. I could feel him smile from cheek to cheek. He hasn't ask for much in the past month he has been doing okay on his first year teachers salary.

Jeff finally slowed down and for good reason he keeps finding the worst men this town has to offer, I have tried to explain to him that it just isn't enough gay black men here and that he needs to continue going to Chicago or Milwaukee for trade, this town has some good looking men, but their minds are not right. There isn't even a Black gay bar here and the white children to not appreciate the Black children venturing into the white bars, Milwaukee has a few all Black and you know Chicago has everything a brotha is looking for, in fact I am willing to go over with him this weekend and spend the night that way he can have trade at the hotel (his room of course) why I head to the Southside to catch a Strip Show (STR8)!

Just Checkin on Ya

2009-02-02T14:23:00.001-08:00

What's Good? Hope that all is well with yu guys, I am not in the bestt of spirits right about now however; I will be entering a post very soon.The shyte has hit the fan at work and I have taken a leave of absence. Holla at ya later gotta do some catching up, I have been trying to keep current with your blogs and maybe this week with me being on an unauthorized vacation I can get some reading done, holl at ya later.

Yeah it be Me

2008-12-29T14:58:00.000-08:00

Been a minute since my last post and finally time has allotted me the opportunity to post to my blog. Shortly after returning home from the Thanksgiving festivities I continued to prepare for the Christmas holiday,I was busy trying to find just the right gifts for family and friends and since we are all watching our monies closely with the state of the economy being what it is or isn't means that one must be frugal and save as much as possible so my family friends and I set a spending limit on gifts, we agreed to purchase only the gifts that were one hundred dollars or less, in most cases we only spent fifty or sixty dollars, no I am not cheap! I found nice gifts for the members of my family and for friends. Holiday gifts for less than I have spent most years this year total somewhere in the neighborhood of: six hundred dollars.

I had been ignoring Kewon's calls and then all of a sudden while in bed fondling my own dick, the phone rings and it was him, I immediately took the call and we spoke openly and candidly about our past, present lives and the shower episode. He didn't elaborate to much and neither did I, but we both thought it was good and that there is nothing wrong with a little nook nook here and there so we plan to suck and fuck next weekend, with no strings attached. Yes I can do it and walk away (Yeps)!

The holidays were swiftly approaching and on the night of the 15Th my sister calls me while I am at dinner with an old boy partner, we had ran into each other near my office and he was going on and on about never seeing me and what he had been doing so I bought him a dinner (Chicken/Tacos) his choice. I took the call from my sister Pat and she tells me " her husband had passed away." I could not believe my ears so I spoke with her a few minutes and told her I would call her the moment I got home which was only a short walk to my place from the restaurant. I told Willie what had transpired and he tried to console me, but he was unsure what I was thinking at that time so he just let me talk.

A spoke with my sister and assured her that I would be there, but had to make plans to have my assignment covered and make reservations to fly out; she told me no worries because the body would be flown to Wisconsin after the services in her state. I said okay and awaited the services in Milwaukee, I left the day before the body was to arrive and stayed until after the services. Just a few days til Christmas and I am grief stricken and hadn't finished preparing for the holiday, but with all that had transpired I knew that the holiday would not be the same. Ke came and stayed with me for two days and it was truly nice to have somebody around to laugh and kick it with, we did the damn thing and guess what? I am not feeling like I have in the past oh the sex was good and the head is off the chain, but we are moving on and have excepted the fact that we are friends with benefits. LMAO!

I hate my job, no I hate some of the people I work with, and the sad part about it is that we are all starting show our true colors... The muthafuckas had better step softly because I have had it with them, my boss promotes hatred and tolerates it in the workplace. He is in for a rude awakening.

I am so looking forward to the NewYear Eve Party I will be attending. Now let me start reading gotta catch up on your blogs. Missed you.

Too Proud Family

2008-12-05T15:02:00.000-08:00

Well a brotha survived another holiday with the family and I gotta admit as nice as it is to see and be with family the stays are getting shorter and shorter; I can't tolerate the new generation as much as I can the older generation then again that isn't exactly true because some of the older members of the family are just as bad as the younger members. Take my youngest sister she is always asking "why don't you come around more?" How could I with my grueling schedule and the cost of airfare ( not so much the airfare, but paying for the extra luggage hell my shoes alone will cost me a grip they are paced in a bag 13's at least two pair not to mention clothes and the fee associated with the weight of the bags) hell she makes more monies than I do and she has a husband with an income, shyte visit me sometimes. Now my aunt Essie is the real gem, she had taken her medication by the time I arrived on Wednesday evening, but by dinner Thursday afternoon she had not only not taken her medication, but had decided to join the younger members of the family in a game of jello shots, I was through to through in fact because many years ago she was known for being able to drink most men under the table, she was a party girl back in the day. She was handling the drinks and answering trivia questions like nobody's business then it was time to prepare for dinner that is when the shyte hit the fan.

The door bell rings and my little cuzin gets the door and announces that my partner was at the door; nobody really cared who was being announced because ex wives, boyfriends and a host of thugs was in and out and most of us knew none of them, but Essie knew everybody coming and going and even called Kewon over to let him know that she was pleased he could make it, that was a relief she finally realized that Ke was male and not some hoochie. The guest start making their way to various tables and of course we where separated by a number of things i.g. the educated, money/big incomes, thugs and baby mamas/daddies and Essie placed Kewon, his friend, my thugged out cuzin (Baby Boi) that has been in and out of one of those correctional facilities trying to maintain his Baller status; the other end of the table with me were Baby Boi's childhood friend Trey (phine and jet black). Now this wasn't place card setting, but you would have thought it was the way the family had placed us at each table with much thought applied; I guess I did not make enough monies for the money table nor did I make it to the Frat/Sor table. LMAO!

The conversations in the room(s) were colorful and quite interesting. Ke's family was there too and they shared stories and it comes to light that Essie knows the grandma and aunt of Kewon very well someplace in the South. Of course there was card games, dancing and the basement was to many things drunks everywhere and the kitchen was none stop with plates going out and coming in, Essie was on patrol most of the time discarding dishes that people brought over , and telling Ke and I why: she would say "that bitch can't cook and; have you seen her kitchen?" We would toss the food in the trash bin as instructed. Ke and I kept it cordial and friendly most of the night since folks seem to think we are still an item. Good Luck!

Friday morning very early I hear doors slamming and cars starting up various family members were getting up to go shopping on Black Friday. I was in the room with baby Boi and some girl that he fucked all night, I was going to go to a hotel being that there were to many folks in this house, but stayed anyway knowing that i would be leaving early afternoon. I headed for the shower and saw Ke coming out of the girl's room down the hall he and his family shared a room. he asked if I mind if he showers with me being that so many others would need hot water too; I was half sleep and said "yes." I got in the shower he locked the door and came in the shower and before I could ask did he have a good time with my family yesterday he was boobing up and down on my dick and I reciprocated. I immediately returned to the room to get dressed and I hailed a cab and got the hell out of there gave essie an envelope to buy her something nice and I was gone. Ke started calling about an half hour later guess he had discovered that I was not going to be trapped in his web again, caught my flight and went home, if I had driven I would have hung around and something else would have happened. I have not taken his call yet, I forward it to voice mail.

Hope that you guys had a good Thanksgiving, gotta go I need to catch up on my reading of blogs. Holla at ya later.

Short Days and Long Nights

2008-11-20T15:47:00.000-08:00

Damn its cold here in Wisconsin, the Thanksgiving Holiday is just a week away and I have not confirmed if I would have dinner with my family or not either way it's cool they will be glad to have me there no confirmation or RSVP necessary however; the problem is I can not imagine being in that house with you know who, it scares me and right about now I am really vulnerable. Yeah he put it down the last time we did the damn thang, and I am in need of that freak shyte he does and I can't take the chance of letting it happen again.

A brotha is having the worst luck at meeting other brothas that can keep my attention or that is attractive to me, this brotha is starting to feel lonely and I know it is simply the change of season with this change my nights have grown longer than my days and that means a brotha spends more time in the condo alone and I am not at all pleased with that, shyte a brotha can only tolerate so much porno, and solo nights. Got hit the bars again can't do this long cold winter alone, maybe I should got out with the brotha that I met a few weeks ago he has been really treating me friendly and he appears to have some of the same interest not that it matters right about now. Okay I will call after the holiday when I return yes chances are I wil do Thanksgiving with family.

Work has turned out to be a real pain in the ass these past few months and I am so pleased that contract renewal takes place next year however; I am not running my Black ass out that door without having lined up another job, it is tough finding suitable employment even with a degree and years of experience nor is a brotha isn't getting any younger.

Jeffrey has been kicked to the curb by his college boyfriend after they hit the mall for pre-season holiday shopping the cute little chocolate dawg has moved on to greener pastures. Jeffrey isn't really taking it hard he relishes the thought of helping a brotha out. LMAO! Now he thinks he is going to hang at my house and have me consuming beer every night of the week, not likely I may be lonely, but not in need of his company that much. Just think this man was in the back of the closet just a few months ago even I had no real clue about his sexual preference.

I have no idea if the ex is actually allowing his country ass kin folks to follow him to my family's Thanksgiving dinner, apparently some of our folks knew each other back in the South. I think he has an aunt that went to college with one of my aunts anyhow, they feel quite comfortable being amongst my family when I am not even that comfortable being around certain family members. Ke does have some phine young cuzins and they call me from time to time to inquire when they can come to visit me, chile pleeze! All they did was call girls and run up on campus chasing females so why in the world do I need them in my house? That family cost me money the last time they were here in Madison for Ke's graduation. Now if his cuzin from SIU comes through that's another situation altogether; the brotha is the cat's meow.

Okay let me get some reading done, I have many blogs to catch up on, I do miss you guys. Have a great Thanksgiving Holiday, holla at ya later.

2008-11-07T14:46:00.000-08:00

Just as time knew to move on since the beginning, and the seasons know exactly when to change; we too know exactly when to change and when to move on and it reflected that on Nov 4Th 2008 yes we did.

Been a minute and thought perhaps I should apply an entry to my blog; I have been intending to take a few minutes each day and update or add submissions, but the past few weeks have not been kind to me, I have taken more bullshyte from my boss and his antic are driving this brotha right out the door there is no way will I continue to be subjected to his bullshyte and his hateful and cantankerous attitude, punk bitch fuck around and get knocked the fuck out fuckin wit me unnecessarily. Not going waste time talking about the bitch, I fill you in later as to why I am so angry with him and the three other staff members he's fucking one including a gay dude, no I am not green with envy on the contrary in no way am I attracted to him and he does not meet my criteria for fuck buddy or boyfriend.

I have been hanging out with Jeff and his new boyfriend(s) yes more than one; since this brotha has come out the shed because he has long been out the closet he has started to act eighteen all over again and running to Chicago to party with his young boyfriends whom I keep telling him only want him for their admission into the club, drinks and a ride home in his vehicle. Nothing wrong with that, but damn Jeff take a break. Everybody knows it is not tricking if you got it. You tricking!

We did Chicago together and Milwaukee, I got to admit that I seen some phine arse brothas, damn I do wish for younger days. I was kicking it with a brotha that was visiting from the south (Mississippi) and he was so dark and phine that I wanted to eat that ass right there in the bar. He was friendly, intelligent and sexy. The brotha danced with me and brushed up against me I thought I was going to pass out right there on the dance floor very much like the scene where the old lady in Studio 54 takes her last breathe right there on the dance floor, all I could imagine is my family asking "did he have clean underwear on?" I can always tell if I am truly attracted to a person or if it is just lust by the size of my erection and mental status. (I get manly very rough).

Okay the Thanksgiving invites are out and Aunt Essie has requested that i bring my fiancee to Thanksgiving dinner in Chicago; chile pleeze! She is still under the impression that Ke is a girl even though she talks to him on the phone from time to time, they chit chat and he generally will text me a message stating that she asked about me, I do not respond. He and some of his family have become quite friendly with my family (Old Folk) and will be spending Thanksgiving with Essie and her family, just wait until her medication kicks in and she discovers that Kewon is a male. I am not certain if I will attend or not besides I can not imagine being around Ke for an entire three days and not try to hit that ass. Oh by the way Essie will not be cooking instead the daughters and sons will prepare the meal, shit last time Essie went in that kitchen to cook a holiday meal we ended up getting take-out because she had brunt the entire meal and all that was not burn she had to much salt in it.

Well I suppose I should be heading to the mall being that I have three family members celebrating birthdays this week and next: Lil Stan, Debbie and Rick. each one of them will get a gift card.

Stuck in Traffic Somewhere

2008-10-23T16:06:00.000-07:00

Yeah this brotha has been missing in action; it has been so hectic these past few weeks that I have had very little time do anything outside of work however; I have checked out various blogs in the interim, but did not have the opportunity to comment right then so I will be reading and commenting later this evening and tomorrow. Work has been consuming most of my days and evenings trying to meet deadlines that are primarily due by years end which is a sure indication that some of our arses are going to be transferred or downsized either way I am so ready to go, way to many changes and not for the best, I have been doing Upper Management in the absence of that man they assigned as chief of the department while my caseloads go unattended or passed off to people that have no concern about the clients. shit happens I guess.

Okay I have been so horny that I almost gave in to an advance by a brotha that I had words with some years ago and we hadn't really spoke since, but here lately he is trying to get dick and ass; I played with the thought this afternoon since he was holding my hand while talking to me about who knows what because I was entertaining the thought of having sex with his rough ass (semi thug). I immediately called Debbie told her what I was feeling and she hung-up then texted me with the comment "SAB" I had no idea what it meant then again I figured it out (stupid ass bitch). I called her this time she allowed me to explain my feelings and she then explained that I need to beat my dick and get over the ugly bastard, I agreed and maybe later I will do me.

Jeffrey is getting fucked every night by his boy toy, but I see the boy all around town with different men mostly other students, but a couple of times with a known trick or john, but what can I say "I have been foolish too." Jeffrey is taking him to Chicago this weekend to see the movie (Noah's Arc Jumping the Broom) I was invited and declined although I am thinking about calling Jeff and tell him I will go, but no date and no I am not stooping to taking Mister Semi Thug although we might have good sex. I am just glad I did not hook up with Jeff that bastard has a huge sex drive gotta have it everyday sometimes more than once he spent the night one evening we had dinner and drinks after work so he stayed and we slept in the same bed and I saw that monster, all I can say is "good luck!" No sexual contact I have some morals... I think.

I am so excited about the upcoming elections that I may host a gathering at my house so I can watch the poll results with friends and maybe we will be privy to an answer before morning otherwise my guest will have to stay overnight we are hoping history will be made. Holla at ya in a minute. Yes I am voting for Obama.

Where my dawgs at?

2008-09-26T14:34:00.000-07:00

First week into Fall and it seems more like mid summer than fall yesterday we experienced temperatures in the high seventies and lower eighties, I am oh so enjoying it there are phine Black brothas running up and down the basketball courts, my favors are the brothas from UW that are outside shirtless working out and football practice not to mention the scooter boyz riding their scooters in loose shorts and sexy all white sneakers. Damn it must be nice to date one of those brothas I think to myself, but immediately dismiss the thought they carry way to much baggage with them besides they tend to stick with their own kind...

Not a great deal happening with me right about now, mostly work and the occasional evening out with Jeffrey, but now that he has interest in one of the college boyz studying at UW I don't see him as much which is cool, being that I refuse to stand by and watch Sugarbaby draw him in make Jeff his Sugardaddy, I keep telling him that the students today are far more clever than when we were in school and yes Jeffrey has a degree from Norfolk State in Elementary Education, he taught school a few years, but couldn't take the low pay and the long hours and dedication to the classroom so he applied for a job here in Madison as Security personnel and makes a damn good living. Since I have no hang-out buddies these days I have taken to entertaining myself and going places alone which isn't much different than any other time, I have made plans to go to Chicago just to get my party on and visit friends, family then maybe visit other family members in St.Louis.

Let me close here until next time it appears that Jeff is sending me an emergency text message we have templates that indicate "dating disaster," "ATM Broke" and " I am growing and can't get up." Dating disaster means just that or the dude was cute at first, but now he's a monster I need a quick get-a-way or escape... Help! ATM Broke the brotha short on cash, should I pay the tab or let his arse wash dishes and just pay for mine? I am growing and can't get up, well lets just say Jeff and I both get erections very fast especially when big asses are involved or the thought of boning the dude next to us, we are both attracted to very much the same type of brothas and I make every attempt not to go cruising with him,

I need no excuses I am what I am

2008-09-12T17:41:00.001-07:00

Certainly hope that all is well with you guys, got to admit I have been away from my blog for a minute however; I always find time to check other blogs and it appears a few of my favorites have hit the circuit again and it is really nice to read about the wonderful things that have transpired over the summer and your plans for the upcoming year, it appears we are all on pins and needles about the upcoming election which is just around the corner. Get your Black Arse out and Vote!

The past few weeks have been very busy for me, I have had a full plate however; things are slowing down a tad bit and hopefully I will get the chance to get away with family for a few days, I missed most of the births, deaths and other events that transpired in my family over the past few months and sending flowers won't cut it, my sisters are demanding that I take time and visit with family and get to know the new members in which none of their names can I pronounce or spell and some of them are school age already, the problem is that I gave up on trying to be a part of this family long ago, they are to damn snobbish and never approving of anything I do so I send flowers and cards, gifts at holiday and birthdays might call them, but I make no effort where none has be applied by them. Don't get me wrong I am tight with some of my family and I do love them all they just don't understand me or my lifestyle. To make matters worst Kewon attended the reunion last month and he doesn't even know most of my family, but my cuzin told him he could come with or without me and he went without me which was find I have no problem with that, but what fucked me up was that he told my family that we split up as if we had been married; my nephew told him to shut the fuck up and leave that kinda talk for bars and back alleys. I hear that after several drinks Kewon decided to dance and entertain the crowd (fully clothed) my young cuzins embraced the punk and the old folks are still talking about how Chetquin and Kewon broke up, my aunt keeps asking what kinda name is Kewon for a woman? Essie is old and doesn't always get the complete picture.

Work is okay however; I still do not get along with my immediate boss and I am so looking forward to my contract ending so I can move on. Jeffrey has been a real cool friend he invited me out this past weekend to see a drag show then he wanted to hit the newest bar on King Street and that was not at all what I had bargained for the crowd was all white, I keep telling him Blacks are not welcome in those bars, it is truly uncomfortable for me, although the white men to tend to hit on a brotha, and I do not have a problem with white or any nationality. Jeffrey came by my office brought me lunch which was nice because I had no idea what I was going to eat for lunch or when being that I had work beyond work that had to be completed. We are both working this weekend however, we plan to run over to Milwaukee to do the bars. No we are not into each other we hang out, get crunk and chase men, no we conduct ourselves as gentlemen always. LMAO!

I have not seen Mister Hat Hat the construction worker I guess he is back to driving to work or either working at a site on the other side of town...Damn!

2008-08-28T16:48:00.000-07:00

Whats good peps? All is good with me I register no immediate complaints and I am finally getting shyte right for a change. My new mantra is: " My mistakes are my teacher." I have learned the hard way so you can say I have learned a very valuable lesson when it comes to relationships and the affairs of the heart.

Summer is finally coming to an end and the kids are heading for Atlanta for the last big party and clebration of the summer, no I am not attending although it would be nice, but as you know I have much work to catch up on so I will be here working and cleaning the remains of summer out of my house I will start by changing for the swiftly approaching Fall weather, hell it got down to forty degrees a couple of nights ago, it felt good I even pulled out a comforter, but I have gotta admit a warm body next to mine with that breeze coming through would have been a splendid evening and night, but hey I gotta deal with this solo, single loveless life until times get better. I am good with it and almost enjoying single life again.

Nothing much happening with Jeffrey (Mr. Security) he is becoming quite the friend, he keeps me company and brings me my favorite summer treat Mississippi Mud Ice Cream and we have been checking out DL Chronicles (he had never seen the show), so I put in the DVD and we laughed or as another blogger would say : LP (laughed profusely). We both enjoy the scene when Boo gets head in the car and the scene when he fucks his homeboy. We discussed the men that we both suspected to be on the DL here in Madison, the list was long.

Ke called a couple of times blocking his new number because I had the other phone shut the fuck down! He stated that he is preparing for the return of students to the classroom and hopes that his pupils will like him. Chile Pleeze! I am sure he will enjoy his first year teaching and maybe even mature some, but WTF! I do miss him he was great at keeping ole boi company. Moving right along, I have been checking out this brotha that is about thirty something, nice kinda friendly and has a job as a laborer his boots and dirty hands have been making me drool, he has been taking Metro home in the evenings and then sistahgirl picks him up at the East Transfer Point , she was not there day b4 yesterday and I was hoping he would get back on the bus and he did, but wouldn't you know old cock blocking trio of hoochies get on the bus behind him and sit their to small size clothes weraing asses right in front of him and blocking my view, I was going to strike up conversation and inquire as to what happen to his girlfriend that generally picks him up at the transfer point; then if he answered correctly invite him to get off at my place have a beer and I would give him a ride home or he could stay if he lived to far and I would drop him off at work in the morning, but first I would have to have hime disrobe so that I could wash his work clothes being that he works in construction (hard hat and all). No I did not get the hook up, the trio did, took him to get ice cream. Hell if it was ice cream he wanted after work I have some at my house. Damn! I am attracted to the construction worker there is something sexy and always have been about dirty work boots, big hands and hard hats not to mention a nice chocolate ass to go with all that, it is such a turn on for me.

2008-08-16T17:57:00.000-07:00

Whats good? Not much happening with me in fact I have been so busy trying to find me that I haven't had much time to blog, and you know I missed you guys although I was reading other blogs, but it appears that many bloggers are on hiatus. I am sadden to hear about all the break-ups and near misses, but summer is like that men lose their muthafuckin minds in the summer that includes me, hell I saw a brotha the other day half nude (Sagger) and he sent this brotha through a thing, then just yesterday the most rugged yet handsome dark skin kat sits next to me on the Metro Bus en route from work, that I couldn't sit still I was moving and adjusting my dick because he had me going to the point that if he had even suggested or even mentioned sex I would have did him on Metro. The damn pretty feet, the strong legs and the shirtless brothas have worn me out this summer, because Madison usually doesn't have that many Black men and phine too running around Madison just doesn't happen, but this summer has be the exception.

I had been in a slump, but I pulled myself out and no I have not had much communication with Ke, and that is cool however; he is invited to my family's gathering in Milwaukee in which I may not be in attendance only because I do not feel like acting like I am doing better when in fact I am just overcoming a stint with depression and all that is associated with the hateful mood of depression, yes I have seen a doctor and the doctor has seen me. I am starting to eat again and I actually talk and laugh again, but there are those days when nothing really matters at all. I left the house tore up one morning and wouldn't you know it I ran right into an ex girlfriend, why is it people never run into you when you are fierce and giving good face? Instead them bitches catch you beat the fuck down like me on Monday a week ago.

My Summer Meltdown

2008-08-01T12:03:00.000-07:00

TGIF! Man this has been a wild and crazy week for your boi, thought this week would never end. Pleased that I have to work this weekend, yeah every now and then I am subjected to working a weekend (month end reports). I am doing much better and even spoke with Ke yesterday on the telephone, apparently he is staying with the same friend he dances with..good luck! They are roommates until Ke leaves in a few weeks for his new teaching job, the roommate will be leaving to do graduate work in Chicago.

Woke up yesterday went in to work ran into Mister Security(Jeffrey) he is bitter because I have not called him in the past couple of days, but since I have accepted his friendship and he mine I will call him this evening and let him in on the situation and explain to him why he or anyone else hasn't received a call from me in days with the exception of Debbie, she has called everyday and even left a half dozen messages at work for me, damn that chile keeps me on my toes. I have reason to believe that Jeff is also going to be this kind of friend too, watching my every move, I must admit I need to be looked after from time to time. LMAO!

I have cleaned the condo and instead of just changing the sheets Ke last slept on I threw them out after washing them, then took the bed down and placed it in storage, it is sofa time for me, then there is the sofa bed in the den. I am suppose to be on line right now paying bills and cancelling Ke's cellular service, but I will give him time to pick up his own account because this brotha will not be paying it and that is for sure.

Gentlemen have a great weekend and I will holla at ya later. Thankz for the words of encouragement a brotha is gonna be alright. I will not cry today nor will I tomorrow.

Something in my heart always knew

2008-07-29T17:44:00.000-07:00

Thought I might blog today as opposed to sitting in my /office until late into the evening instead of going to the empty condo; yeah ole boy left my black arse, and I have been a hot mess every minute since I discovered that Ke was gone and I can't seem to bring myself out of the slump that I am in, missing work, drinking until I pass out and yesterday I finally decided to leave the house return to work, have a decent meal and drop some clothes off at the dry cleaner being that I have not gone anywhere near housework or laundry, it really isn't that bad being that I am somewhat neat most of the time, but I just can't face the fact the my Boo Boo Kitty has left and my heart aches just the scent of his cologne, the last towel he used in the bathroom the sheets on the bed all still in the same place I refuse to change it, I have not answered the phone with the exception of Debbie's call because the last thing I need is for her to fly here find me unshaven, musty and reeking of beer. Yes I found the shower in the other bathroom and used that shower and had considered retrieving the bar of soap from the other bathroom that Ke last used, but I thought otherwise that meant I would pass his picture on the wall.

Maybe I can convince to time to slow up allowing me time to grow up because there is little or no reason for me to feel so down and out, but love hurts and this isn't the first time; but it makes me a firm believer that what you put out you certainly get back, and this brotha was a heart breaker back in the day and now I am allowing others to break my already damaged heart. On my own once again.

Moans and Groans and no Music

2008-07-21T17:21:00.000-07:00

The weekends are coming and going to fast and there was so much I had to squeeze into this past weekend that a brotha is worn out, but it was certainly a memorable and entertaining weekend until I arrived home Sunday night to hear the up and coming stripper in my house moaning and groaning in the den; I immediately dropped my overnight bag and made a mad dash into the den to catch the bitch fucking up in my house although there isn't much I can say or do about who Ke fucks or sucks these days, but I can restrict such activity in this house.

I get to the door and I hear the moans and the groans so I peek in instead of kicking in the door; good thing I did not damage the door or create a scene because Ke was in the room masturbating to some hot black dvd he ordered it was hot I gotta admit and before I knew it I had taken off my clothes and joined in on the solo session I actually enjoyed watching him beat his dick and he was so into me doing the same, but we shot our loads headed for the shower then went to our separate quarters of the condo, he in the den and me bedroom( where i went right to sleep). we showered together and talked about the party I had attended and the Pride Fest in which I was unable to attend due to other commitments, but did drive by to catch a glimpse and it was not at all festive.

I get up this morning and fix a quick breakfast before heading out door only to discover that all of Ke's things are packed and now I am sadder than sad, but why? I knew he would be out soon hell I asked him to leave. I didn't wake him I just looked at the boxes he had packed during the night while I was sleeping, many questions filled my mind; is he leaving today or later in the week? I grab my cell phone wake up my friend Debbie and tell her what I had done the night before and what I discovered this morning; Debbie was half sleep and half intoxicated being that Atlanta parties a lot longer than Madison so she was probably just getting home a hour or two earlier, she said " look chile I have told you the bitch ain't going nowhere anytime soon that means he has to pay rent and bills and he knows as long as he is at your house he can get away without paying bills, by sucking you off and letting you hit that ass now bitch I am going to bed have a great day and work." I was standing in the lobby of my building stunned from those remarks.

I wanted to call Jeff, but why include him in my mess? I will see him sometime today probably about the time I leave for lunch, he manages to have already found us a table or park bench and people the bitches at work are starting to take notice. We talk and he makes me laugh and that makes for good friendship. he kept texting me at the party and then calling me reading folks and dissing folks, we were with differentcliques so we kept our distance for the most part, but I was introduced to his best friend or ole friend.

Man, I gotta get some rest I will log in sometime tomorrow or later in the week however; I have a few blogs I gotta read before calling it a night. hope that you guys had a good weekend and hope that your week in a good one.

Just a little bit of Jazz and Art

2008-07-14T17:08:00.000-07:00

Here it is Monday and I gotta admit the weekend went to fast; it was a good weekend. I spent Friday evening with Jeffrey he is really a nice brotha and has a heart of gold. Oh Jeffrey is the brotha I encountered at work (Mister Security Personnel). I had apologized to him a couple of days ago and he said "he totally understood why I acted like a damn fool." I had to laugh because he was spreading the gospel.

We exchanged numbers now keep in mind he already has the private number which I may do away with as soon as of tomorrow, I telephoned him Thursday evening and we talked then texted each other the remainder of the evening, after talking to him I learned a lot about him and I thought I knew pain hell my pain is a mosquito bite compared to his pain. Jeffrey and I have actually crossed paths earlier in life during my bars nights no doubt, yes I used to be a bar fly. This was years ago. He knew me during my carefree days and clubbing in Chicago with my best friend.

Jeffrey never caught my attention before, but now I am disappointed that I had not paid more attention because he is a very nice person and he is handsome in his own way with a nice body, but I am not trying to get with all that right now, I just want to be friends and I am certain that is his motive or intention as well. It would be very nice to have a good male friend right here in town, now there is nothing wrong with my girlfriends, but there are limits as to what you can share with them and tell them although I do have two triple G's (Good Good Girlfriends) that I share almost everything with secrets the whole nine yards, but I do appreciate having that good male friend and I have reason to believe that Jeffrey is going to be my boi (no disrespect George, Greg and Bill) yall my homies, but shit we don't hang like we did in college now that you have lovers and shyte. I know I was absent during my relationships too.

We made plans to meet on the Square on Saturday for the Art fair on the Square then take in some jazz at Memorial Union on Campus. The brotha showed up looking so damn good once again I hit the pavement! I had to gather my composure. I did jeans and a tee while brothaman was in shorts, wifebeater and sandals ( I love feet and he has nice feet). After talking with Jeffrey, I was able to stop entertaining the sexual thoughts and realize I like him, but I would rather have him as a friend. Not going to fuck up this friendship or turn it into a circus.

Gotta go my cellular is chiming and you know who that be... Holla at ya later.

Black Butterfly taking time to take care of me.

2008-07-09T17:03:00.000-07:00

I was sitting here in my office for no apparent reason all my work for the day has been done in fact I worked non stop completing as much work as possible being that I am still trying to catch up from work left over prior to me leaving for the 4Th of July I have caught up with most of it a few calls to clients and one conference and the weekend will be upon me again however; a brotha needs some serious sleep or botox possibly both couldn't hurt, just kidding sleep is all a brotha needs right about now, then again botox would be enhancing that and electrolysis. LOL

Okay I am sitting here at my desk and I hear one of my cellular phones ringing and it is the private number (strictly booty calls)and to my dismay the caller is displayed as unknown but I answer anyway and I hear music slowly coming through and it is a song that makes me weak every time I hear the song (Nobody Suppose to be Here) by Deborah Cox. Now who would call me and let this play in my ear? The song ends and I wait for a voice to appear on the other end, but to no avail so I hang up and turn to my computer to check e-mail and just as I thought there would be mail, but what fucked my understanding up is not only does the person have my e-mail address, but private cellular number and the return e-mail bounces back when I try to reply now I am thinking that Ke may be playing games, but hell he doesn't know my other number (yeah I kept it from him, besides our bills and phone carriers are different and I pay the bills online and he never took time to check or least I don't think so, but WTF)?

I sit in my office and try to see if I gave this info to anyone lately and my mind went blank, I have been a good boi lately, so WTF? A hour passes and security announces that he is leaving the building for the evening and that I should use my key card at security points and that the door will automatically lock behind me, if he had been a shade darker and a year younger I would have fucked him right there in my office. Not!

I finally get my things together and head home, what should I get to eat or is that chump cooking tonight I thought? Either way ice cream would be a treat, or any thing cold in this heat yes I said heat Wisconsin gets a couple of months of summer and intense heat. I opt for ice cream cake. I walk towards the market when all of a sudden a hear someone walking at a very fast pace behind me so I start to slow down hoping they would pass me and allow me to enjoy my walk, but no they grab me from behind and cover my eyes the hand smells to good to be robber so I guess it is one of the few playful men I know, but it is not instead I find that it was the security person from work, he wasted no time telling me that he knew more about me than I knew myself and that he "was the answer to my problems." I laid out on the side of the building until I was able to breathe again, but he had shocked the shyte out of this brotha.

We decide to have a drink and talk remind you I am not to be drinking anytime soon so I had just one beer on draft, Mister has a vodka or some clear drink with lime. Neither one of us stops traffic and rest assure we are both to old for kat and mouse games, so he gets to the point and I only have one question: Why? he goes on to tell me that he knows that I have been hurt, I deny it and he says "bullshit I hear you sobbing in your office when you think you are alone." I jump up shout "Good Luck!" I leave and now I feel bad because the brotha was real about his feelings and he actually wants my company. What should I do I did like the way he smells and he does have a nice body a bit thin, but nice and no I am not heavy, but tall and tend to weigh in over 200lbs from time to time I used to have a swimmers body, but that was well lets just say it hasn't resurfaced yet. I gotta call him because I have got to ask how he got my number and e-mail then invite him to the cook-out during Madison Pride next weekend. Can I apologize for my rudness with flowers? Tickets to a Brewers Game? I should have been polite and not rude, but damn allof a sudden shyte is happening and I am not ready.

Vision of Love or Nightmare?

2008-07-06T13:18:00.000-07:00

What up my peeps been a minute rest assured I have been busy, and I have missed you all or at least reading your blogs. I will spend sometime this afternoon or early evening catching up on my reading and check out whats happening with you. I will make this brief however; it will give you some insight as to what has transpired since my last entry; well it was the weekend prior and I decided to get away from the condo and him (Ke) just to sort out my thoughts and get in touch with me, because I had lost control and allowed my little head do the thinking instead of the big head.

I departed Madison for a quick trip over to Milwaukee, checked into a moderate hotel unpacked left the room to walk Wisconsin Ave in search of something to eat (no I was looking for food). I decided on a burger and fries might as well eat greasy food being that I would be doing some serious drinking later that evening. I had my dinner walked along the Grand Ave Mall window shopping as if I was really interested in the displays offering the latest in lateness. Keep in mind that I was suppose to be here to read and relax not drink or throw my diet out the window, but shyte happens. I was not suppose to be drinking at all this weekend because you know how I get with a few beers and half naked men walking around me makes me wanna fuck something.

The club scene was it's usual, bars full of men young and old trying to cast shade while dancing to the beat of the drums or what ever music that dj/vj was playing. I enjoy dancing although I am not the young performer I was some years ago, I could even Vogue back in the day and hand it to you on the dance floor in a very masculine way, time brings about change, but the brotha still has skills. Okay I had promised myself that I would clear my head and nut sack of Kewon and how does one clear his mind? Sex with a stranger...Not! Flirt and enjoy the young and old brothas that are doing their best to capture the attention of this brotha. I flirted awhile got a hard on and decided to leave before I get caught up and regret it in the morning so I leave for the hotel while en route to the hotel I meet a very attractive brotha (hustler), but I don't give in I move right along minding my horny business.

I grab a quick bit to eat from the same place I had ate earlier that evening; I paid for my food , tipped the sistha then headed for the hotel which was only a block away. I ate the food I had purchased, checked my voice mail and text messages and there was a very shocking messages from Ke the text message "I love you Boo." I was touched, but thought hell naw this is mass game the brotha knows that when I return I was ending this jacked up relationship. I admit I wanted to call him to say the same and tell him where I was, but no more being soft and polite.

Leaving the hotel the following morning after a long night of thinking I was confident that I could end this and I was certain I knew where I went wrong and how the relationship got out of hand but when I realized that I pushed myself on him and he into the relationship, you can imagine my chagrin, I was so disappointed in my actions it took some corroboration but the evidence was there, "I had thrown myself on the brotha." I must have felt alienated or something and felt the need to be with someone; Ke was really just a friend not a lover, but it was me who took it to a level he wasn't interested in and yes it was like an accident "you can't look at it, but you can't turn away." He went with the flow being sentient to say the least.

I arrived at the condo called out to him, but no answer and I could hear music in the den and I gathered he was in there doing his strip routine to the sound of the Pussycat Dolls, he saw a strip show in Miami and he is now learning to throw his ass and sling his dick (not bad kinda sexy in fact). Okay I open the den door and yes he is in there naked and dancing, but not alone his good friend is in on the strip act too. No I doubt if they are fucking, and now it really makes no difference because I apologized to Kewon and ended the relationship although we are going to try and maintain a friendship, it was my fault that things got off track, he gave me the line about "we would have grown into it!" Chile Pleeze I was in it, you would have grown into it in time. Yes we are no longer a couple and I have given him until the end of summer (August) to vacate the condo shortly thereafter I may relocate out of town. I have come to the conclusion that I have got to change and change at this time in my life will be difficult, but I will change.

Get up and get Out!

2008-06-25T14:55:00.000-07:00

The weekend is rapidly approaching and I have yet to let Kewon know that I have decided to move on and yes I do want to maintain a friendship with him, but at the present time it would be advantageous for me to move on and he do the same. We have been talking more and fucking less this week, in fact we finally slept a whole night in the same bed and there was no sex. He has a summer job in retail and he has been busy working and he too does volunteer with a local agency from time to time (yes imagine him as an humanitarian). I strongly believe the reason we have not fucked or sucked something it the past few nights is that I too have been worn out from work, mostly stress (my boss is from hell), and I have been putting in countless hours working with flood victims on line answering questions and referring them to the proper agencies such has FEMA and other agencies.

I get home and read awhile, watch the news grab a snack and hit the shower and very often fall directly to sleep, most times Ke is in bed already. We get up about the same time and have breakfast if I feel like cooking or eating for that matter (lately a brotha has not had an appetite). I am going through so much stress right about now that nothing really matters that is why i am going away this weekend (Milwaukee) rent a hotel room and just read and relax and this will be shortly after I call it off officially with Ke, yes he will remain in the condo unless he decides to move out otherwise the office/den will be his quarters. I am afraid to break it off, but I have got to stand on solid ground no more mind games from him or our mixed emotions. " I would rather be in love than alone."

June is just about gone and I have yet to actually celebrate Gay Pride Month, it has not felt much like a time to celebrate here in Madison, this all stems from some of the events that transpired during the festive Memorial Day Weekend, I was Miami, but a friend called me to let me know that Madison had lost one of the community's activist and volunteer in Mexico; there a group of them in Mexico on vacation and Felicia lost her life at the hands of a Mexican citizen while she was vacationing with friends. the usual parties that generally take place here this time of year has not been the same we are all still mourning the lost of our friend.

I gather I should leave the office and go home a little early and surprise Ke with some of his favorite fast food meal (Me) no I will stop by Buffalo Wings and get him some hot wings and a side salad, he has been good he deserves not to have to cook tonight being it would be his turn to prepare or buy dinner. Tomorrow afternoon I have an appointment to see someone at Group Health and I am requesting counseling.

Have safe and enjoyable weekend, holla at ya later.

My Heart is Damaged

2008-06-16T16:43:00.000-07:00

The past few weeks have been very disturbing to say the least and no I am not registering any complaints because I kinda had a feeling that things would happen just has they occurred; if you remember nothing has been the same since Kewon became my friend/lover. The graduation and family gather, Miami fiasco, trouble in the bedroom these are the events that have torn us apart, we are still residing in the same apartment only this time as roommates or seasonal friends. I am in therapy (not clinical), but my own way of dealing with heartache and pain. It is my fault I fell for the brotha when in fact I had warned my heart that I should be careful when dealing with younger men, it isn't fair for a man my age to try and capture my youth through a younger lover when there are plenty of brothas my age (no I am not that old, but certainly to old to be so damn foolish).

I have come to face the reality that I will probably never find a compatible mate and that my friend, I will have to deal with and if it means paying the strippers for service then so be it, been there and done that and have actually had fun times with them outside of the bedroom or dance floor, but I could never date one on a regular I love to hard and I can get very upset when to much attention is given to my partner especially when it isn't me giving the brotha the attention.

Ke and I have talked things out and I have been drunk four out seven times during those conversations and have given him the dick before he can finish the conversation then we are right back where we stared and we both know that we are not to be a couple, but continue to throw dick at each other. I finally sat down yesterday (Father's Day) and talked seriously about what I was feeling and not feeling he too spoke candidly about his feelings, the things he told me cut like a knife and I bleed like a broken heart. He got fucked in Miami!

Hearing him give the details of the things he had done in that short time and how and where it went down fucked my understanding slam up! I should have just kept shit simple, but no I get to damn excited by phine brothas and intelligent brothas. I was so damn mad hearing him share the details and I had promised myself that I would not tell him exactly what I had done that weekend in particular, but he has been texting the negro and the two are on the phone when he and I are sitting on the sofa watching the news or some program, for a while he was on the computer at night chatting or something so I got pissed and gave the damn thing to a friend that had recently had theirs taken. That bastard got up that night and went to Walmart and bought another computer (laptop) then charged it to the house account Mastercard (the account for emergencies when I am not home). My friends are secertly talking about us and rumor has it " I am his Suga Daddy". On the contrary Suga Daddys generally have money and lots of it, I have an income decent but not Suga Daddy money.

I am in my office right now and I guess I should get home and have dinner with knucklehead, yes we try and have dinner together the early part of the week and then go into separate rooms the remainder of the evening unless he wants to play bones or cards. Holla later about my therapy I have given up everything that leads me to sex or poor judgement...Beer and clubs with hot Black men half naked, damn that means back to pleasuring myself. Does anyone know exactly when Kewon is moving out, or why he hasn't moved out yet?

Before you walk out my life

2008-06-01T16:06:00.000-07:00

I am slowly putting things into its proper perspectives or at least trying to sort some shyte out. As I stated I arrived home on Wednesday after what turned out to be
a long, but fulfilling holiday weekend. I am still having trouble facing Kewon and he is having the same problem facing me after we performed like such irresponsible men. I told my best friend what happen and he let me have it, he said " Bitch why in the hell did you take that whore to Miami and spend good money on that bitch and her family while they were visiting Madison?" My reply went something like " Love." of course he went on to say " I fell for the brothas good head and good looks and was enjoying his company being that I am always busy and Ke had no problem napping in my office while I work or cuddling up with me while we watch movies He always made time for me even when he was studying for finals."

After thinking back and facing fact, " I was not in love with Ke, but I do care for him and may actually love him". George one of my other good friend gave it to me raw... He told me I was so excited about meeting such a phine young brotha that was not hooked on something or up to no good that I ran with the opportunity to share my life with this man.

I will elaborate on the juicy details and the stunts the boyz were pulling in South Beach. It appears more folk from the South attended the event(s) than that of the North or West Coast now New York and DC was also in the house. I don't feel right talking about my escapes while trying to sort my feeling for Kewon before he leaves for some job offer he has decided to take until something better comes along or he attends graduate school which isn't likely anytime soon. I am on my way home to face him, (I am in my office, yes oon Sunday) he is at the apartment packing. maybe I can find a florist open and grab some flowers for him and invite him to dinner and maybe even invite him back into the bedroom, he is on the sofa (his choice), I told him he could get in the bed since there is room enough for both, but he said " no muthafucka!" I deserved that so I kept my mouth shut, he did come into the bathroom this morning while I was in the shower and just stood there looking at me and then called me a series of names. I jump out and inquire "what did I do?" He is casting blame on me and I know it was he that found interest outside of our thang not me, then again I get carried away around hot black strippers/dancers.

In the name of what?

2008-05-31T13:27:00.000-07:00

What up? I finally made it back on Wednesday and not a moment to soon because a brotha is worn the fuck out! Literally! The trip was absolutely wonderful although, it was not what I had expected nor did it go according to our travel itinerary being that we slipt up and went our separate ways on Saturday we both found other folks to hang out with and since we are not actually a couple it made the transition just that much easier although I did feel guilty at times and even a tad bit jealous when I entertained the thought of my Boo Boo Kitty (Kewon) having sex with someone else, then again hell I got my business taken care of more than I care to mention.

Kewon mentioned that he did not want to be bothered with the crowds was all I kept hearing during our flight from Chicago to Miami, then just hours after we arrived and checked into the hotel he was ready to do some damn booze cruise or something and I had no idea what the hell got into him, but instead he hit the bars and hung out with a friend from school that he had no idea that the brotha was in the life. (Good Luck)!

I hung out with three people that I knew from other events and business, we all felt that we were just a little old for the Sizzle crowd and on Sunday we drove to another part of the city to shop and have lunch that is when we all decided that if we hurried we could make it to our friend Larry's bar-b-que the brotha host every Memorial Day and there are always lots of phine men at his parties and cook-outs. We checked out of our hotels or allowed others to stay in the rooms, headed up the highway for Larry's house in Norfolk and the trip would take every bit of fifteen hours and it was about four that afternoon when we started out, we arrived in Norfolk about eight forty five that morning and we could have made better time, but four passengers holding undergrad degrees and a master degree couldn't read the map correctly. LOL. The price of gas was the only thing that we complained about and somebody call Citi and Chase to let them know that this card member will not be paying the entire balance of those accounts, just partial.

I will elaborate later on the activity that transpired during the trip and hopefully transfer photo to my computer here in the very near future. Over all yo boi had a damn good time. I will be catching up on reading and checking out your blogs later, right now a brotha has to complete an assignment that was due on my boss desk two days ago. Holla at ya later have a great weekend.

Loading and Unload in the Yellow Zone Only

2008-05-21T16:09:00.000-07:00

Here it is less than twenty fours before we are to depart for our weekend away and Mister still isn't ready to go, he is giving me a very hard time about it, the trip isn't for me it is my gift to him for graduation although I love the beautiful Black men that attend these events, yall know I love the strippers! See I can cut loose because technically Kewon and I are just friends/ fuck buddies I am starting to feel for him more and more maybe that is why I let this brotha do what he wants when it comes to this friendship/relationship.

All I am asking this brotha to do is to log on to the reservation site and make sure we still have our room, I placed the plane tickets on my Visa card weeks ago and he was to make the hotel accomodations he fucked around and let the other hotels book up some even sold out, but if you are willing to risk it a tad bit rooms are available some in safe locations and of course the bigger hotels still have rooms. The airline is charging me a great deal to fly direct and the cancellation policy is from hell. I should have just got him a damn gift card like everybody else it is obvious he doesn't give a shit how I feel and he certainly hasn't been to any of the Gay Black Events before so what is the big deal, if he doesn't like it he can always fly home, he has his ticket, money and travellers cheques I gave that to him last night in case we go our seperate ways once we get there so he should have no worries all bases are covered.

I guess I will pack when I get home and if Ke can get his arse up and stop downloading/uploading music into that ipod for a minute maybe he can pack too, he stayed at work with me most of the day instead of going to the house and getting shit together. He is going to gag at it when he gets up in the morning and I am heading for Chicago to fly out of: Ohare Airport with or without him. Let me go talk to him right quick might be back on line in a few otherwise I will holla when I return, have a safe weekend.

Another Generation

2008-05-20T17:11:00.000-07:00

Finally a few minutes to read a few blog entries and enter something into my blog; the past few weeks have been more than I thought I could handle, strange folks in my house utilizing every phone, television, bathroom and crumb of food available to them, yes these were Kewon's kin folks. My house reeks of cigarette smoke and every scent you could think of these folks brought with them and left behind for me to clean up of course Kewon is going to help. The last relative left this morning and she started to stay another day, but we told her we had plans and that my family arrives on Thursday.

We are planning to get away this week and by no means did I intend to leave these people unattended in my apartment for 3 days. They had me buying food when a couple of them had those electronic cards for food purchases, but they ate my steak, burgers and the fast food we order on an almost nightly bases, it was nice to be around his family and for them to be so accepting and understanding they came up for the graduation he is the second to person in his family to get a college degree and they intended to make sure they were in attendance for his graduation, the last person in his family graduated about ten years ago so the new generation now has Kewon.

His cuzins were cute and a bit friendly especially the ones from the South (North Carolina or South Carolina ) they would climb in the bed with me and not only watch tv, but sleep and talk on the phone with their girlfriend while pulling and tugging on their 19 and 20 year old dicks, I ignored them and often left to sleep on the floor with Ke. He was polite and did not sleep in the bedroom with me while family was present we had to sneak and play with each other in the early morning because that was the only time them damn people would be sleep.

Graduation morning and the family from Milwaukee and Chicago arrives, now keep in mind he only had eight tickets and two that his friend was not using so that makes ten not nearly enough for 16 people maybe more I lost count with the brats. I attended with friends on the staff and no ticket was needed I refused to sit with the family they clowned awhile after the ceremony and they saw me cry for the first time when they called Ke's name and I cried again on the way back to the house not because of the joyus event, but they crashed the rent- a -car I rented in my name. More Later, I still can't figure out who is going to pay the car rental company or me for that matter being that forked over my credit card.

2008-05-06T17:57:00.000-07:00

I am in good mood today second day in a row which means that the rest of the week will probably be from hell. I strongly believe that the weather has been a very large factor in my attitude and a stress free couple of days at the job didn't hurt none. It has been a long harsh winter. I was up @ 5AM preparing a lite breakfast (now you know I must have been in a good mood) a brotha stays in that bed until 5:45AM most mornings, but today I felt like getting outside and into the warm weather.

The day went well very few errors at work which is a amazing being that the new director (my boss) has created a data bank and spread sheets that only he understands, my desk was clear of all inter-office assignments so I was able to leave work early and meet with friends for a brief meeting detailing volunteering during Pride Week here in Madison (June) Chile Pleeeze the brothas do not attend the one here we head for Milwaukee or Chicago in July for Black Pride. We all agreed to lend our support prior to Pride Fest, so next week I will work the Clnic in the hood, yeah we got a hood and they love it when I come bearing condoms and pamplets.

The Memorial Day Weekend is approaching fast and Kewon hasn't given me an answer as to where he wants to go, if he doesn't want to go good, I am going somewhere my plans are Miami, but I have given him the opportunity to pick our destination for that weekend.

Taking it Easy

2008-05-05T15:12:00.000-07:00

Here's hoping that each of you enjoyed your weekend as for me it was a very good weekend stress free and productive. Kewon spent most of the weekend with his friends being that this past weekend is known as "the last big party before entering the real world." Kewon's class graduates in two weeks then it is off to the real world ( careers) for the brats. The University students host the Mifflin Street Party each year during this weekend and I am here to tell you that " I have witness more young college students so wasted by seven in the morning that I felt as if I was intoxicated, but a brotha hadn't had a drink however; this was from the fumes of alcohol that filled the air. The city allows the students to block off most of Mifflin street and do their thing, this year over three hundred students were arrested for various reasons, the city lock up was filled with drunks more than usual. The parties started back in 1969 during protest of students for some reason or other.

My week has started out fairly good no serious drama in the office thus far, but it is early yet. believe it or not Wisconsin is finally having some good weather and I am taken full advantage of it by grilling this evening and might even have a glass of wine tonight. I have no clients to meet with until the latter part of the week and that is all good with me. I should be saving my energy for the Memorial Day Weekend and taking my black arse to the gym for some toning and squats.

Spring Cleaning @ Work

2008-04-28T15:46:00.000-07:00

Finally a moment to sit back and blog and yes it has been a long time coming especially after all the Spring cleaning taking place in my workplace; yeah the Big Boys in Virginia sent message to the Big Boys in Teaxas to come up north and clean house. That is exactly what the Big Boys from Texas peformed "Spring Cleaning." Not with the usual cleaning items instead they gave pink slips and offering severance pay to others, it was truly a mess I was in and out of the office with training sessions and flying back and forth to and from Chicago and Detroit that I racked up a few frequent flyer miles just in case I needed them to get away from the Big Boys in the event upon my arrival in Madison or Milwaukee I too may have had to be escorted to the front door (yes I was frighten). So far so good.

I have never felt the need to cry at work, but a few days ago I closed my office door and the tears came, I saw my boss get escorted to the front door, then the operations manager, project specialist and two other people from various departments contracted through the State and Federal Government. All parties fired were Black with the exception of the project manager he has no clue that he is Black because one of his parents is white. Good Luck!

Only one former employee has taken his case to an attorney, the rest have yet to file charges, but the Big Boys got all kinda stuff against the former employees ( some valid and other issues surrounding the firing are sealed (rumor has it monies were misappropriated and, contracts mishandled). I could not believe it when I saw them escort my boss out his office and the building, the man has been a true team player for many a year with this agency. Get this he just purchased a condo here in Madison and luckly for him he was able to arrange something because he was still paying for his place in another State. I assured him that when " God closes a window he opens a door." That is why I am leasing a condo with option to purchase instead buying shit in this town. He was just so sure this would remain his home.

I have been really busy with the move and work (nothing is unpaceked) and I haven't had a home cooked meal in weeks. Finally met a young brotha during finals week (why anyone would anyone want to mess around during finals is beyond my understanding, but I have enjoyed his company enormously and I look forward to spending more time with him after graduation (he is graduating with his B.A.), I may treat him to trip the Memorial Day Weekend, Lawd knows I need the company of a good brotha, I have had enough of creeping with the strippers.

I am pleased to hear that the Bloggers Reunion went well,and that everyone in attendance had a great time. I would have loved to have been there with you guys. I will get to meet some of you this summer at different events. I have enjoyed reading the blogs about the reunion. The picture of the group in attendance was very nice, lots of handsome people.

I gotta close here until next time, I can not find my other shoe and it is time to pack for a business trip tomorrow and I can only find one of my black Salvatore Ferragamo shoes (a brotha want to be prepared to meet with the firing squad). Okay the phone is ringing lawd knows it is just Debbie she has been touching bases all week trying to see if I have moved the brotha in with me, she is a real hoot!

Stemware, Dishes, Copper Pots and Boxes

2008-04-08T11:24:00.000-07:00

Been a minute since a brotha last checked in on the blog, but I have been one busy brotha in fact my plate is full right about now, and I am not really complaining just wish that I wasn't doing this alone, hey I have been there before and have had to do it without a significant other, the last time I moved my Boo was right there with me this time I am doing it solo and without the excess bagagge often associated with moving in with a lover...Good Luck!

I found a very nice apartment it is actually a condo, but the developer is having some serious problems selling the units and keeping the bank happy so the new agreement is to rent with option to purchase or sign a lease agreement I have chose the leasing option I have no intentions of buying a place this expensive in Madison, so I will rent it since the opportunity presented itself might as well go for it!

I am really disappointed that I may not be able to attend the Blogger's Reunion, but I am making every effort to attend in fact I am trying to get the boss to allow me to work out of Southeast Region (Washington DC /Virginia)that way I would have the opportunity to visit B-More,currently I am handling the Midwest Region and a change of pace would be good, I have a training session to teach the weekend of the reunion being that this is the only time some employees were willing or able to train on the new system I am obligated to be here since my Regional Director will probably be somewhere playing golf or chasing paper at the casino which means he will not cover for me that weekend. I would really like to be in attendance and just maybe I will be in attendance, if not I will see some of you in Miami or Atlanta during the Memorial Day weekend.

No Snow in the Forecast

2008-03-29T11:35:00.000-07:00

Since there is no snow in the forecast this weekend no better time for me to apartment hunt being that it appears that I remain here in Madison for at least another six months to a year being I have accepted the new position at work nevertheless; my lease is up and I am ready for a change.

I am looking forward to moving however; everyone knows that I had my heart set on Atlanta, but after the promotion at work I obligated myself which means I must stay here until I can transfer to another region in the meantime I have the perfect apartment in mind. I will let you know how the search goes this weekend. Now to find a boyfriend, yes I am ready to start dating again.

Permanent Collection

2008-03-20T15:00:00.001-07:00

I had mentioned earlier that would share with you my personal review of the play Permanent Collection; well last night a friend and I attended the performance and I must admit it was a "great performance." I enjoyed it immensely, the cast was very good they truly brought the characters to life and Professor Patrick Sims was absolutely outstanding.

The play is about an Art Foundation that has become the bequeathing of it's founder Alfred Morris whom bequeathed the controlling interest to Haywood (a college with about 800 students and no art department). The story unfolds when Sterling North (Patrick Sims) becomes the overseer of the foundation and discovers that there is a clause in the will that does not allow him to make changes he sees as progressive after he discovers that the real collection of fine art is stored in an climate controlled room in the basement, Sterling decides that he wants to give the foundation a glimpse of the 21st century and expose the secrets the foundation has hidden for the past fifty years.

What a way to make a living

2008-03-17T16:22:00.000-07:00

Generally as a rule I don't allow much to ruffle my feathers so to speak, but this past week has been nothing to the likes of last week in fact it was just the opposite, now of course I know that with each passing or approaching day I would experience change, but not at the multitude I received this week! Let me touch on this briefly then I will move right alone; as you know I have a new job/position and kinda excited about the change, but the fan fair has faded in that office, after two weeks of grueling and very difficult training task I learn that the person that had been assigned to train me had not actually ever performed the job or worked in the same capacity.

I did everything I had been trained to do and questioned everything I thought to be obsolete or erroneous so that I would make as few or no mistakes as possible, but that was not the case. I sent the month end reports to our office in Dallas, Texas only to find them back on my desk via: DHL it appears that ledgers were off and revenues for various sectors were missing or incorrect. I was livid, because I had spoken with each department personally and reviewed each electronic submission for such departments using the guidelines I was instructed to use; long story short the guidelines had been revised and no one informed my boss or I in fact we have reason to believe it was done intentionally. I spent the entire weekend correcting, updating and revising paperwork.

To make matters worst with all the ripping and running yo boi got caught up with flu bug; man I woke up and could barely move and the pain that shot through my body made me holla! My head was pounding and my chest felt extremely heavy, but I still had an appetite even with a fever, I couldn't understand it and when I finally decided to call the clinic/urgent care they suggested I treat it like the common cold for a day or two if nothing changes for the better go to the emergency room, I started too tell her that the way i felt I would be lucky to survive two days. I found out I had the flu bug and that I also have an indoor and outdoor allergy... Good Luck they just want my insurance to pay for Alavert or something. I am doing fine, but I gotta admit I got scared for a moment and this weather did not help it is almost Spring and we still have snow and cold weather in the forecast.

2008-03-03T19:40:00.000-08:00

Hey glad to be back I must say I do enjoy my new position and if all goes well I might just stay. This past weekend has been great and even with all the ripping and running I did when I returned from my business trip(training) I found time to attend various events such has Men Who Cook 14Th Annual Scholarship Fundraiser, The Opening Reception for The Bluest Eye and this week I will be attending the production of: Thomas Gibbon's Permanent Collection, I am especially looking forward to attending this performance being that Professor Patrick Sims will be starring in the role as: Sterling North. Professor Sim teachs about diversity through theatre as well as in the classroom. I will post more about this production in coming weeks.

Another week has come and gone bringing us a week closer to Spring and this brotha is so looking forward to Spring, this Winter has has been brutal here in the Midwest. I actually had the opportunity to get some much needed rest this past weekend with the exception of the one interruption I received from Sam he had the nerve to telephone me Saturday night just out of shade I am sure, he wanted to see if I had a date, and why would this concern him being that we have been through for a minute and I can honestly say that I am over him completely and have been for a minute. He calls as if nothing was wrong and everything right, he was being his usual shady azz calling to disturb my peace of mind and create havoc if I allow him to, but oh no that shit doesn't go over well with this brotha. Enough about Sam. damn every time I mention his name I hear that Amy Winehouse song playing in my head (You know I am No Good).

35,000 Feet in the Air and A Career Move

2008-02-24T13:13:00.000-08:00

Been a minute since my last post and I gotta tell you that the sh*t has hit the fan at work, a couple of weeks ago the company that I work for transferred titles actually the company was sold and with all the firing and rehiring the true colors have come out of those people that I thought were tight co-workers...not! Man I received a promotion, but not much more of a salary the only thing that changed in my office was now I am the boss of those people that once considered me their friend and co-worker, that changed very quickly, no I did not change they felt the need to express their disappointment and dismay about my promotion when in fact one or two of the staff members have been there just a tad bit longer than I have so they feel slighted, and I thought the brothas were going to have the problem, they were pleased as far as I can tell however; the young white male and the older white woman threw fissy fits and these were two of by best co-workers until now! Enough!

Well this week I will be training which requires traveling and hopefully there will not be any more damn snow when I return although I will only be four hundred miles away and chances are there will be snow there too. Got catch a flight holla at ya later.

Happy Valentine's Day

2008-02-13T17:49:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day to you. I certainly hope that your day and evening are filled with all the special attention and love you deserve. If you are spending this day alone then may I suggest that you rent the dvd "Dirty Laundry" and have yourself some serious laughs and shed a tear or two, or you can call and holla at ya boi. Enjoy.

How Can You Celebrate Black History Month???

2008-02-12T17:53:00.000-08:00

Celebrate by getting out there and voting. I was really surprised to see all the events that have taken place here in Madison this week in support of Obama and it is only Tuesday; last night a dance today a rally yesterday another benefit to raise funds. Chelsa was here yesterday and she spoke openly and honestly allowing the students in attendance to ask any questions they wanted and I tell you the young dems asked some serious questions and thought provoking questions.

2008-02-11T13:14:00.000-08:00

I survived yet another snow storm this past week we were graced with 13.3 inches of snow. I am not complaining, but I must admit that I can not take another winter like this past winter and the sad part is that it is not over yet, in fact we are under another Winter Weather Advisory today until tomorrow afternoon. Thursday night I had to stay at a hotel because there was no Public Transportation after mid afternoon and my job doesn't end until at least ten in the evenning on various evenings, so my employer suggested that we stay at a nearby hotel. It was interesting to say the least and had the stores and resturants not have closed early we would have had beer and drinks. My co-workers were wondering whom I was going to share a room with being that many of us had friends or family come through or stay. I was not there to entertain, but never the less them brothas were watching me and keeping tabs on my room. I watched television alone then went to sleep, but they insist that I kept company with the young brotha training from Chi Town, no such luck his girlfriend drove through the snow to get that dick.

It is Monday and Mondays are always hectic, this Monday is no expection. Mrs. Clinton's daughter Chelsea is due to arrive here on campus this afternoon to speak on her Mommy's behalf. I am all excited and prepared to hear Barack Obama speak tomorrow at the Kohl Center here in Madison. I guess I should at least venture over to the Memorial Union to hear Chelsea this afternoon...not!

2008-02-02T16:46:00.001-08:00

Reaching for a dream that spells tomorrow

2008-02-02T16:08:00.000-08:00

Black History Month should be celebrated to the fullest, so take time out of your busy day to honor our heritage. Here are a few things you can do during Black History Month:
Shop for your food and other items in a business owned and operated by Blacks. (Support)
Read and Read some more books written by Black Authors.
(Educate)
Volunteer with a local agency or community center that serves the Black Community.

(Giving Back)I have vowed to read at least three novels during Black History Month, then donate the books to my local library which happens to be just a tad bit short on Black material. I plan on visiting some of the local eateries owned by Blacks or at least operated by Blacks, there are two places in particular I will visit hope the food is good, this City is not known for having decent Soul Food, there was one Soul Food Restaurant here in Madison and it did not survive more than a few months folks complained about the food and my friend assures me they sold microwaved chiterlings.LOL!
I will also be attending several different programs and I will call the Black Student Union at UW to see if they have anything planned.

To Damn Cold

2008-01-24T19:43:00.000-08:00

Have not felt much like doing anything these past couple of days all because of this weather here in the Midwest, it will certainly drain a brotha of all energy. First it was below zero then it snowed for two days and all of this was during the time I had requested off as vacation time, how foolish could I have been, couldn't even get a flight out the day I was suppose to leave for Atlanta so I changed my plans and allowed a friend to talk me into staying here in Wisconsin driving over to Milwaukee and there was only a hand full of people in the club, so we stayed anyway got up the next day did some shopping then headed back to Madison only to discover that we could get tickets to the Packer Game and since the people in Wisconsin were all hyped up I decised to venture on up to Greenbay and I do not do football just football players. Any who I could not believe how damn cold it was and the Packers still didn't win. The weather is still horrible, but at least by Monday

Kiss me once then kiss me twice

2008-01-17T18:02:00.000-08:00

I discovered this photo while checking out Rod 2.0 this photo is attached to an interesting story about what an out cry this kiss caused by the people of: Kentucky.
Have a great weekend. It doesn't appear to me any more than I see on television.

2008-01-16T17:58:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I celebrated my birthday and I tell you the truth the birthdays are coming faster and faster each year however; I feel blessed to be among the land of the living. I think about the friends that I used to celebrate my special day with and now so many of them have since departed this earth. I miss my friends and yesterday just didn't seem fair to be celebrating without them, and from time to time I still ask myself the question: "why them and not me?" Instead of feeling special yesterday I felt anything but special instead I was sad, woebegone or maybe it was melancholy either way I did not feel much like celebrating until a co-worker caught me teary eyed and said "cheer up the kids are fine, and no doubt they are having fun up above." I had to laugh because she was probably right! No doubt they are all up to their old antics and probably reading me for not going out and getting busy with some stripper. Lilly made the day by bringing me a gift with a card attached the card was in a pink envelope and the card played "I will Survive" my co-workers (most of them) have always thought that Lilly and I were dating until today when I opened that card the Rainbow Flag went up and the message went out! No problem I have not been in the closet for years and there is no hiding my sexuality or preference. Debbie called and she has arranged for me to attend a show with male strippers during my visit to Atlanta (MLK Weekend) if I get someone to handle my caseload next week. After all the day was good.

What a way to spend Friday Night

2008-01-12T15:06:00.000-08:00

I am so pleased the weekend has arrived, this past week was from hell. I have decided to spend sometime this weekend looking for puppy and pet proofing my apartment, the decision to get a puppy was a hard one to make being that I plan on relocating to Atlanta this summer, unless I get the job in Milwaukee. It can be really difficult to find apartments that allow pets, but my friend Debbie who resides in Atlanta assures me that it wouldn't be that difficult to find a decent apartment that allows pets(dogs) in Atlanta or surrounding areas.

Last night (Friday) I decided to stop by one of the watering holes in my neighborhood to have a beer and just chill for a minute, one beer turned into two and then a shot of vodka, I really have no idea why I stopped in the bar especially since it was not the type of bar a patronize and I did not know anyone that was in there, but yet I go in I am almost certain it was that I just didn't want to go right home after work. I woke up this morning and experienced such a hangover, I really had no idea what to do for a remedy, so I telephoned Debbie and she told me "drink a beer." I thought I misunderstood her, but she in fact had instructed me to drink a small amount of beer, I told her I would try it because I trust her and know that she generally gets hangovers after partying or tailgating (she used to now she only has a glass of wine) believe it or not it works the only problem was I never had beer that early in the morning and I was afraid being that I had errands to run I may have the hint of beer on my breathe, but after brushing,flossing and Listerine my breathe was fine no hint of beer, final result my hangover did go away in a very reasonable amount of time, so I guess beer has a reserves effect.

Ole Friend

2008-01-09T17:26:00.000-08:00

Today I register no complaints it has been a good day; I am over my cold which was a result of the sub zero weather and snow then two days later fifty degrees and today sunshine and rain, but a brotha feels good. I hear that Lil Wayne arrived in town today and that he is performing on Friday, that means all the thug boys will be out on State Street geared up and bling bling! No I will not be anywhere near that place I like Lil Wayne, but I have no intentions of atending any such concert, but the after party now that I may attend. On my way to work today I ran into an ex, and I nearly lost my composure because I had not seen this person in years and I was smitten by his presence and immediately thought about the sex we had in the past, I got to work with a boner. I really need to stop taking public transportation and start driving to and from work this way I would not run into exes and avoid those awkward converstaions with the exes.

Dating Me

2008-01-07T11:35:00.000-08:00

Here it is seven days into the new year and I have gone to the cinema twice by myself, I call it "Dating Myself." Last week I treated myself to a date it was simple a movie and a meal then home for a night cap. Yesterday I decided that since no one had called to invite me out this weekend once again I would take myself out, this time shopping, dinner and a movie. I must admit that dating yourself isn't so bad, in fact it was within my budget, I had a good time and no regrets the following morning. I have decided that for my birthday I will treat myself to a trip which really isn't a self date, but a trip. Oh by the way both of the movies were good, last week it was I am Legend (creepy at times, but good), this past Sunday I went to see Kite Runner (this film was a tear jerker for me), it is really a good movie and heartfelt.

2008-01-04T16:33:00.000-08:00

Here it is 2008 and I am no more prepared to face another year yet another birthday, but there is no putting either on hold until I am prepared so I might as well get the show on the road or put my ducks in a row. This past year was more of a disappointment than I care to elaborate on, in fact it just did not go according to my plans, I did not meet many of my goals only a small fraction of what I had put out to do during the year past, but no time like the present to strive towards those goals. I suppose the brotha that wrote in his blog that: "One can not plan life." Knew exactly what he was talking about, because you can't plan life. This year I have not place or make any particular resolutions, being that I have remaining work still on my plate from year past or yesteryear.

I spent most of the holidays volunteering however; being that everyone that I would have spent the holidays with was out of town so there was no one else in particular to spend the holidays with and since I do volunteer often, I decided to spend some time with people whom would relish the idea of spending time with someone in their home and having a decent dinner and conversation. Thanks to my 3G, I did not have to worry about preparing the turkey she cooked it the night before she left for her trip, she has been such a great friend. It felt strange to invite people from the street and shelter into my home, but after the first hour or two they felt at home and there was some great conversation, it turns out the brotha became homeless simply because he refused to work and allow the government to remove child support from his check when in fact the child they collect for isn't even his child, but the court has not allowed him the opportunity to prove it, according to the young man he states that the he was taken to court twice and both times the judge told him: feed the kid and it will look just like you, no need for a test besides the test cost money and you stated you won't pay for any such test, so I order you to pay child support fo th child." Over all the brotha is okay he actually has skills (employable skills), and he is personable. No I did not have him, besides there were others invited and they all had a good meal, given a small gift and a cab rides back to the shelter, but of course they took the bus instead of using the money for a cab. It was a nice experience.

Farewell 2007 Its been one!

2007-12-29T15:48:00.001-08:00

I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for tuning in and sharing your blogs with me. I would also like to wish each of you a very Happy New Year. I for one am so pleased to be putting this past year behind me, and I am so looking forward to a much more productive and prosperous new year. I have mentioned before that I plan on relocating this year (2008), I have had it with Madison, don't get me wrong and I refuse to end this year complaining, but I have been one unhappy brotha lately. My friends and family are all so far away and there is no place in this town for brotha living an alternative/gay lifestyle. No Black bars which poses as a problem for me because there's no other gathering place for Gay Black men to meet and be themselves, there are some serious closet and mixed up shit going on in this town. Madison has great schools, colleges and the University, the first few years I lived here there were so few blacks students on campus that the few you saw appeared to be displaced, but now it has even a larger number of: Black graduate students, undergrads and even a few post graduate candidates (that makes me feel good), some of the higher positions in city government are held by Blacks however; the MMSD has so few Black teachers, but the ones that do teach in the school system are privy to generous incomes. The Gay Community is here it just has a very very small number of Black members, Madison is a wonderful city it is just not for me, probably because I am not a student( I graduated from a Texas College ) nor do I have a Master's Degree which would better qualify me for other jobs (a Masters Degree is the threshold to employment in Madison), my bachelors degree doesn't go far or hasn't taken me to far, I do have a half way decent income and benefits, housing is expensive although I have a nice small place in a great neighborhood. My friends often ask: "why move?" My response: " I need a better life, and I miss my own." Okay enough on that subject. I must say that I was so pleased to pick up a copy of Madison Times and there was a article about the Movie Dirty laundry however; no mention if the movie will make it here or not in the near future, but it was a well written article. Okay let me say good bye to 2007.

No More Snow

2007-12-29T15:23:00.001-08:00

Joyus Holiday Season

2007-12-21T18:39:00.001-08:00

Happy Holidays;

I hope that your holidays are filled with all your favorite foods, friends and family. Have a joyus Holiday Season.

Chet

99 and still behind

2007-12-20T18:10:00.000-08:00

Here it is just a few days from the big holiday and as usual I am unprepared, but this year it doesn't really phase me that much. I just left the mall and I was really surprised to see so many shoppers dashing to do their last minute shopping, as a last minute shopper or procrastinator I know all too well if you snooze you loose. There is absolutely nothing left on the racks that if you shop the racks and I do, no tailor-made here or high end boutiques. I too was looking for that special gift for my friend that is all so special to me, just not special enough for me to shop early and get a nice gift for the friend, no I wait until just days before we exchange gifts and she always gives me a variety of nice small gifts and I have given her gift cards, or something I have thrown together at the last minute; does that make me a bad friend?

What is the business with re gifting? During a recent holiday gathering I noticed that a co-worker that had been given a particular gift item from our boss last year resurfaced this time as a gift to yet another co-worker. The gift has been bouncing around re gift after re gift, all my co worker needed to do was return it and select something he wanted instead, but oh no he decides to re gift.

Well once again we are allowed to call The Holiday Tree a Christmas Tree, the last couple of years there had been issues surrounding the title of the State Christmas/Holiday Tree. According to our politicians and some Madisonians the tree should be known and called a Holiday Tree so that no one is offended if they do not celebrate Christmas.

2007-12-15T15:16:00.000-08:00

Well it is about nine days until the big holiday and if you are like me you probably haven't put a dent in your shopping as of yet, but maybe just a dent in your pocket buying gifts for people even after you swore that last year would be the last time you try and please everybody, but no you max out the credit card and drain yourself of all energy dealing with the shoppers, malls and not so jolly sales personnel unless of course they are working on commission then they are really accommodating

I have decided that I have got to start earlier and finish within a reasonable amount of time, this certainly would be a great deal easier if I had a greater income and a tad bit more time to handle the task of holiday shopping and entertaining. I certainly hope that next Christmas I will have made the move to maybe Atlanta. Yes I am entertaining the thought again. I just need change in my life and relocating would be a major part of that change. Should I put this on my list to Santa?